Can't We Be Free Together?

I - Playback Points.

TW: SUI*IDE MENTION/ATTEMPT. (Dazai is in this.)

This is the beginning of a story you are going to wish you never heard...

My name is Nikolai gogol and let me tell you about a side of reality that people wish never existed,

The way my life has always been.
Like for example, how i was born as a bird trapped in a cage. With my wings tied behind my back, unable to break free of my chains. But i didn't realize i was even trapped - until it was too late.

(Flash back dialogue, you are now in nikolai's past)

Fyodor and Nikolai are in high school and they are sitting together just the two of them, at a table eating lunch together, Fyodor is the only person that really understood Nikolai and he was nikolai's only friend too.

"so what did you bring for lunch today, hmmm?"
Nikolai asked as he leaned over the table looking at Fyodor's lunch box

"I brought a single apple, do you want it? I didn't plan on eating it"
Fyodor held the apple out of his lunch box and put it out for Nikolai to take
At first Nikolai wanted to say no because he knows Fyodor hardly ever eats but he also knows by now how stubborn Fyodor is, so even if he insisted on Fyodor eating the apple, he wouldn't listen to him. So he takes the apple instead so it doesn't go to waste and he eats the apple but as he takes a few bites he is watching the sky as birds fly by, and he admires their beauty

"Do you like birds, kolya?" Fyodor asked as he noticed nikolai's eyes were fixated on the birds flying in the sky, he can't help but smile a little bit. His friend looks so peaceful when he admires the birds.

Nikolai gets caught off guard and when he hears Fyodor call him 'kolya' it sends butterflies to his stomach, but that's how friends always feel when they hear the other's nickname for them right? Butterflies are a sign of happiness, they feel so strange though.. "Oh, yeah! I absolutely adore birds, dos-kun! They're so free, they're quite beautiful too and very, very.. Calming. Don't you think so!?" Nikolai asked in his typical eccentric tone. He was smiling very wide at Fyodor as he sat on the top of their lunch table and he is staring down at Fyodor

Fyodor looks up at him with a slightly shocked expression on his face, but then it quickly became his normal expression again. "Ah, yes birds are quite fascinating, i do agree. But why do you choose to be so in love with birds? Out of every animal you can adore, you chose to love birds.. Why is that?" He asked as his eyes continued to stare into nikolai's, like he is trying to read his emotions and study him. He could always easily read him too.

Nikolai looks back up at the birds and then he says in a quiet voice "have i ever told you why? ..i guess not since you're asking me why" he laughs quietly then he smiles "i love birds so much because i desire the freedom that they have, that feeling of freedom. Away from my own life." Nikolai was expecting a strange reaction from Fyodor but as he looked down at Fyodor, Fyodor just has his hands together on the table and he was giving him an understanding nod

Fyodor talks in a quiet voice but loud enough that Nikolai can hear him "splendid" Fyodor said as he had a grin on his face. Nikolai's eyes widened when he heard that word.. Did someone actually understand him?

"In opposition to god, you are fighting to lose sight of yourself" Fyodor added as he looked at Nikolai, he understood it perfectly. Nikolai sat there unable to speak for a moment, it moved him deeply. He has never felt understood before. His first friend.
No-- this was different.. He felt as if Fyodor was his.. Intimate friend. His closest friend. Nikolai has spoke to many but never actually thought of them as friends. But dos-kun was different. He was so different..

"Am i right?" Fyodor asked as he continued to stare into nikolai's eyes with the same grin he had on his face

Nikolai nods his head slowly, you can tell by his face that he was shocked "y-yes.. You are absolutely right- how did you understand that, dos-kun..?" He asked in a very nervous voice.