Can't We Be Free Together?

Chapter 13. Pleasing a Storm.

Nikolai was looking around the room, while laying on the hospital bed. But then he sat up and put his hand on the back of his head, he couldn't remember much besides seeing Fyodor at the carnival, inside the tent.. That caught on fire. He could not get Fyodor out of his head; thats when he saw it... The gift basket. His eyes filled with curiosity as he stood up slowly. He walked over to the gift basket and examined it, it was full of everything he loved.. Did Fyodor do this? He is the only person who knows him this well. He found a note card and he opened it, he read the front first and saw it was from Fyodor.

[Dear, Kolya. What in god's name were you thinking!? Why did you do such an idiotic and reckless thing? What possessed you to burn down a tent in the carnival? In the middle of a regular day too? Did you even have all of this planned out carefully? Well, whatever was going through your head during this action -- I hope you made it out alive. I do not care about the others dying, but you can be such a fool sometimes.. I hope you wake up soon. I am well aware of everything that happened that day, I hope my flowers make the hospital room more your style. -Fyodor Dostoevsky.]

After reading everything, his eyes filled with tears. He could not believe Fyodor said all of this or even made him a gift basket. Besides a few parts of the note it was so meaningful to him. He smiled, he never cried, his eyes were just watery as he held the note up to his chest. He hugged it and he sighed. He knew there was still hope, that Fyodor.. Would love him. Perhaps-- he did not need to kill him. Maybe, he just.. No.. Well.. He sat back down on the bed. His thoughts went back and forth. He could not tell if he should kill Fyodor or not. He didn't like the fact he had emotions, maybe it would get rid of them if he was dead? As he thought that he blacked out again. He saw himself in a reflection holding a single arm, the reflection looked so sad. His reflection looked at him with narrowed eyes as it spoke. "Don't kill him. You will feel emotions anyway. No matter what. So.. Just- don't do it." As the reflection spoke he backed away a bit, his eyes were wide as he felt surprised. "And how would you know this? Haha!! You sound as if you saw something! What is that arm by the way?" The reflection held the arm to his own chest and he frowned. He took off his mask and Nikolai put his hand over his left eye, he still had his mask on. He wasn't doing anything he saw in the reflection. He continued to watch the reflection.

"Because.. I watched Fyodor.. Die. This arm- it's...his." As the mirrored reflection said this, Nikolai twirled around in a circle, not believing this at first as he laughed. He stopped twirling around and his cape flowed in the air. "You're amazing!! How did you do it!? Was it poison?" He asked with a smile on his face. Not listening to anything the reflection was warning him about. Then mirror Nikolai got mad. "Listen to me!! YOU WILL REGRET KILLING YOUR BEST FRIEND. DON'T. DO. IT." as he said this, Nikolai's expression went from happy to serious in a matter of seconds. He tilted his head towards the ground as he took his hat off, he placed it over his heart and he sighed. "Oh dear, you're serious- I won't then." As he said this his voice seemed serious. Then the reflection said nothing, it just hugged the arm then it disappeared and the mirror broke. That's when Nikolai woke back up again. He rubbed his eyes and sighed as he thought "these random unconsciousness times are a pain in the butt.." He rubbed his eyes for a few more seconds then he opened them as he looked around, he sat back up again and looked over at the basket.

He felt so much better now that he had a clear answer, he will give Fyodor another chance. Another, and another, even more after that. All he needed was Fyodor, he knew that now. He picked up one of the flowers from his basket and he sniffed it. He smiled so big and he even blushed a tiny bit. That's when he decided that in a few weeks he will see him again. Meanwhile, Fyodor and Dazai were staring at each other for a few more seconds, then Fyodor began to glare at the other one but then suddenly the awkward silence was broken when they both burst out into laughter. Fyodor then gave dazai a certain look that he then quickly decoded and he returned a look. They went back and forth, speaking through their facial expressions. Fyodor eventually said something by his expression that made Dazai laugh again. He looked at him with a expression that was like "really?" And Fyodor returned one with "yes, really." That just made Dazai laugh even more. Fyodor smiled a bit but eventually he couldn't help but laugh too.