SURRENDER - Mafia Romance

• CHAPTER 23 •

I let my body fall on the bed without trying to calm myself down. My heart was aching not because of what I saw but because of how I saw it. He wanted to show me. He wanted me to see another girl lying in his arms. I never understood why or what did it change for him. Why was he treating me as if I was someone he hated but then showing me signs that he was in love with me? I shut my eyes tight, trying to force my brain to stop thinking. What would it change anyways? He made it clear with what he did that he didn't want me and never will.

I turned on my side, letting my tears roll down the pillow. Why do I even care? I admit it, I did get attached. But it was all because of the affection he was giving me. I got attached to him because he made me get attached. He made me want him around me and only me because he made me believe that he would always be. I felt weak, mentally and physically. I felt confused, hurt and exhausted. Since Dad died, I didn't get a minute of break. I didn't even have time to mourn my father's death.

Falling for him was something I never intended, but why was he giving me this type of attention if he didn't have any feelings for me? Why did he promise me safety? Why did he kiss me? And I once said that I would be a hypocrite to judge my father for this lifestyle if I chose to fall in love with a criminal. It turns out that I, indeed, am a hypocrite.

Someone knocked on the door and I wished it was him. I wished he decided to come and tell me that he was sorry and that he liked me and would give it a try. But it was Joe.

"Hey, Tal," he mumbled before walking closer to the bed.

"Hey Joe," I sat down on the bed, wiping my tears away. He sat in front of me on the bed, staring at me with a sad look, knowing exactly how I felt.

I looked up at him, trying to pretend that I was fine. It took so much effort of me not to cry more but I lost my control when he opened his arms for me. I jumped in his arms and let all my pain out, all my confusion. He sat there, hugging me tightly and tapping my shoulders as I silently let my tears out.

After minutes of shedding my tears, I sat back on the bed. He pushed my messy hair behind my ears, waiting for me to talk.

"I am tired, Joe." I looked away, playing with my fingers to keep my hands busy. "I am tired of falling for his tricks and he simply pushes me away." I took a deep breath. "I do like him, I do. I admit it. But isn't it because of him? Isn't it because he kisses me? Isn't it because he hugs me? Isn't it because he tells me not to forget him?" I refused to blink not to let my tears fall again, "Isn't it because he looks me in the eyes as if he was begging to throw himself in my arms and tell me he loves me?"

"Enough, Tal." He whispered.

I looked up at him. "I am so tired." My chin was shaking and I was begging my body to cry again.

"I am too, Talia!" He yelled, throwing me off guard. "Don't you think it hurts me too, seeing you like this? Don't you think it hurts to see you crying like this? Don't you think it hurts me seeing you love someone else who is incapable of loving anyone other than himself?" He took a deep breath and broke the contact we had. I let my tears fall down my cheeks again, maybe crying would wash the guilt that kept getting higher with every brick he threw at me. "It hurts me to want you when you want someone else who doesn't want you, Tal." He let his tears fill his eyes but refused to let them win. "It hurts me when I hear you complain over and over again about him and how he is hurting you when I know if you give me a chance, I will give you happiness he could never give you." He whispered, not wanting me to hear the last past. He shook his head and got up, disappearing behind the wall.

Before my brain could comprehend what was happening, Luca walked in.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice.