I turned the lights on and added a heavy weight on my heart. I had to close my eyes for a few seconds to be able to bear it. And when they opened again, they were lost bees, flying around the room for rescue. I walked away from the door. Everything reminded me of his departure. Everything smelled like him. I saw him on the couch, I saw him watching TV, and I saw his fingers softly brush against the piano keys. I remembered him telling me once that being able to play an instrument is like having a window to a fairytale, you open it every once in a while to escape reality for just a few seconds. I brushed my fingers on the closed, dusty piano, imagining him sitting there, with his warm smile, welcoming me home after a long day with one of his silly songs, making me smile for the first time in the day. I closed my eyes again, trying to take in the tingling sensation my heart was trying to bear. I was feeling things opposite to my expectations. I thought I was going to be scared of being here alone, I thought I was going not to be able to sleep, to be paranoid that anyone would be able to come in. But all I felt was grief as if this moment was the moment I finally realized that he was gone and I won't see him again. The first tear rolled down my cheek, and I let it. I felt comfort, feeling like the walls were embracing me because they knew what it felt like to lose a father.
Everything was as I left it. The broken glass that fell from my hands when I heard gunshots. The drops of blood that stained the ground. And the image of the lifeless grey body that never left my brain. Maybe keeping yourself busy actually works to forget the pain because being back in the house brought back the same feelings I felt months ago. As if I was on a break from feeling anything, and the moment I walked back in here, I welcomed all the feelings I neglected.
My legs dragged me to his room, and without opening the lights, I felt like he was lying there on his bed and would yell at me for how late I was and for not answering my phone. But when I opened the lights, another tear fell down. I sat there at the entrance of his bedroom, imagining he was sitting in front of me on the bed, smiling at me and telling me not to cry. My vision was becoming more blurry as tears were set free, unsure of how I will be able to live in this house without him. I let myself release my pain before getting up and walking to his bed. I laid down and hugged his pillow. I wasn't sure if it really smelled like him or if it was my brain that was playing tricks on me. I hugged it tight and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep so this weight could get off my chest. It was too late, and deciding to leave drunk from Ace's house didn't make it easier on me. Or should I say Frank's house? I still couldn't believe that the house I was in belonged to my father, who used to sleep in the bed I was sleeping on. How can the same man who laughs with me, cooks me food every morning and sings to cheer me up can be a criminal who slowly created his drug because he got kicked out of his medication company?
I suddenly heard a key turning in the door. I quickly sat down, wishing that it was my brain tricking me. Silence. The silence during fear is the worst silence you could live in because all you do is wait for a new sound to support your fear and force you to react or a long silence where you let your heart go back to its normal beat on its own and let time prove that nothing happened for you to be afraid.
I gasped when I heard it again and quickly grabbed my phone that was still in my pocket. I opened Ace's contact but hesitated if I should call him or not. I shook my head. How can I call him for help after telling me to leave him alone? I dialled Joe's number.
"Talia?" He answered on the second ring, although his voice was raspy as if he was sleeping.
"Joe," I whispered, "help."
"Talia? Are you okay? What's happening?"
"I think someone is trying to break in, Joe. Help me."
"Which room are you in right now?"
"Dad's."
"Okay, listen to me, carefully," the background noises hinted to me that he was moving, "Lock yourself in the bedroom and close all the lights. don't move and pretend no one is in the house. I will be there as soon as I can."
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Author note:
I know this chapter is very very small but I didn't want to put this part with the previous chapter but I might write more in it later on or maybe put it with the new chapter, but I haven't finished the new chapter yet so I am not sure if I would want them to be together or not. Anywayssss! I hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to vote :)
