football imagines <3

(13) insecurities - jordan henderson

"Jordan?"

The darkness had responded with silence, the only noise was the humidifier humming in the living room and even so, it's not who you wanted to hear from. Flicking on the lamp, it brightened a wide enough area for you to see that Jordan was not there, either. Close to giving up and resorting to your phone, you noticed the curtain in front of the sliding door - leading to the patio - moving slightly.

Jordan must've have gone out that way, you thought, and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw the door slightly open.

"Jordan?" You whispered into the air, sliding the door open and stepping out.

He slightly jumped in his seat as he turned around to face you, his face contorted in worry. "Y/N, what are you doing here? It's cold."

You smiled as you checked out his plain pyjama pants and plain old white-tee, "You're one to talk."

Moving forward to the swinging seat he was rocking on, he curled you into his arms, rubbing his hands up-and-down your arms. To do what? You didn't know because the cold air was still there. It wouldn't go away as easy as that, and it wasn't even that cold, so you didn't mind, really.

It was summer in England, for Christ sake.

"Can't sleep?" You asked, curious as to your boyfriend's random night adventure. It was peculiar, for Jordan, to be awake in the middle of the night, let alone spend his time outside in the cold and dark space.

"Yeah. Just one of those days." He said, playing with his pants, pulling the string tight then letting go. He did this a few times before you had to stop him, by covering your hand with his.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"If I said no, would you care to ask me why?"

You shook your head and laid your head on his shoulder, "I wouldn't pester you. If you're ready to talk, you would."

Jordan breathed out a sigh of relief - a small one - but one, nonetheless, so whatever had to be bothering him was really eating at his thoughts. He was one of those people where he had to work out everything - down to a tee - in his mind, think of all possibilities before voicing something out loud. It had done him great on the field and in the locker room where it was needed but in conversations with you, it delayed what he truly needed to say in the moment.

But you, on the other hand, knew not to bother him while he was 'processing' you would call it. Knowing that that was his way of sorting out his thoughts so he got straight to the point and didn't say anything wrong, was what made you happy.

"Okay, I think I'm ready to talk now."

He nodded his head, slowly, but surely and you turned your body so you were facing him. He didn't bother to do the same but you didn't care, looking at him like this was enough for you.

"Go on then, I'm listening."

"Y/N, do you love me?"

Furrowing your eyebrows and cocking your head to the side, you said, "Huh?"

"Just answer the question. It's a yes or no."

Without a doubt you answered, "Yes, Jordan. Yes, I do love you. I've loved you since the day we met, what's the meaning of this?"

Jordan let out a groan of frustration as he covered his eyes with his hands, "I don't usually get affected by this, I don't even care what people think but recently there's been... a lot of negative comments about our relationship and stuff."

"I've been starting to post about you more and more on my Instagram and almost immediately, the comments are filled with comments saying how 'you deserve better' or 'you're young, you should be with someone younger' or 'you're pretty and I'm—"

Jordan was struggling to get the words out, and you knew what word he was going to say. Wanting to stop him, you realised that you shouldn't, he needed to say everything to properly get everything off his chest.

He gulped and let out a shaky breath, "And I'm ugly. It must've been the money or status or fame that came with being in one of the biggest clubs in the world."

Oh.

"I'm sorry, Jordan. I'm so so sorry..." You began as you pulled on his arm, kissing his hand but he shook his head as he stared on forward.

"It's not your fault."

His voice trembled at the end of the sentence and it brought tears to your eyes, to know that Jordan had been struggling with these thoughts for the past few days.

He cleared his throat, "It's been making me think, a lot these days. That maybe I am stealing you away from someone younger, someone who isn't a father of two and a divorcee. Maybe I don't deserve you—"

Now, you didn't care whether you were disturbing him or not because you needed to intervene. "No." You sternly voiced, climbing onto your knees and moving his head so it's in your line of vision.

"I don't deserve anyone but you, Jordan. I chose you and I am happy with you. I don't care how many kids you have because I want to settle down with you and no one else. I'm sorry that I didn't notice anything sooner but I, only, want you, Jordan. You are the man for me."

Wiping the glistening tears from his cheeks, you pulled him into a hug as Jordan started to cry.

It hurts your heart, immensely, knowing that Jordan was feeling this way and you didn't notice anything. There was no change in his behaviour and he greeted you and kissed you and joked with you as much as he usually would. Turns out, there was a hole conflict-ion from within that he was trying to deal with and it got too much that he needed to voice his concerns out loud.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." You mumbled as you rubbed his back, tangling your fingers in his hair and finally to his ears.

"Say you love me." He whispered, sounding broken and torn as he lifted his head from your chest.

You rose your eyebrows in response as you couldn't hear clearly what he had said, Jordan rubbed his face and sniffled.

"Say you love me."

"I love you, Jordan Brian Henderson. From the craters on the moon to the deepest parts of the ocean. You are my boyfriend; the love of my life; my soulmate, I don't care what other people think when I chose you. I chose you, yeah?"

You looked in his eyes and smiled, the best you could with tears in your eyes and trying not to stop them from spilling over. "I need to hear you to say it."

"Say what?" Jordan asked as he grabbed onto your forearms, kissing the wrists all the way up to the elbow.

"Say that I chose you, I need to hear you say it because you need to start believing it too."

Encouraging him by kissing the tip of his nose, he let out a deep breath before opening his mouth, "You chose me. Y/N chose Jordan. You chose me."