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(39) fight for love - jordan henderson

How does a person fall out of love?

Everyone has endless stories of the moment they fell in love; the day, the date, the weather, even which underwear they had on that day. Their emotions run high as they recall seeing the "love of their lives" for the first time, fearing that skip in their heartbeat. An indication of an irregular heartbeat which can cause an excessive use of emotion — excitement, panic, fear — all of it known as what you feel when you're falling in love.

But what happens when you fall out of love? There's not a lot of experiences documented or told, therefore, we will never know. It angered, frustrated you because now is when you needed it the most.

Jordan was playing with his twin girls before bedtime, an agreement he made with them. Their smiles stretched so wide and their giggles could be heard throughout the house as he presented himself as "Princess Jordan." He sat down at the mini-table where the girls, graciously, welcomed him with a couple of cookies and a cup of tea. Jordan accepted the teacup with a pleasure before delving into conversation, dramatically listening to their tales.

"He did what?" He inquired, slapping a hand on his knee and leaning toward Sophia. "Tell me again."

Sophia leaning away from the plush toy she was gossiping about, (loudly) whispering her story again. "...That's what he did, Daddy."

"No!" Jordan faked a gasp as Sophia giggled. Samantha — the other twin — was just minding her business, eating up all the cookies you set out for them.

You didn't want to disturb them so you hid your body slightly behind the pink frame, courtesy of the girls. Just watching them playing and being comfortable with Jordan warmed your heart, they love him so much. They were always excited for Daddy to come home, or take them out and spoil them rotten. Sophia and Samantha were his first-borns after all, they'll always have a special place in his heart.

It makes you feel even guiltier for the... feelings you've harboured for the past couple of weeks.

"Girls, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I think there's a spy." Jordan said softly, pointing in your direction.

Their heads scandalously snapped in your direction, girlish screams accompanying the action. Hurrying into the room, you playfully put your hands over their mouths, "Sh..." You suspiciously sniped the room. "I just got your brother to sleep. We wouldn't want to wake the Cutie giant up, would we?"

The synchronously shook their heads. Their blue eyes (courtesy of Jordan) widened in fear and simultaneously, turned to hide their faces in your thigh. Jordan couldn't help but laugh as he sat his teacup down onto his saucer and ready his imaginary sword,

"I'll protect the girls."

"You are so brave, my good Sir." You replied, smiling at your husband's antics. "What would the world come to without you in it?"

There was a silence that stretched across the room, so tight and ready to snap that you were scared of the effects it would have on you.

Patting the girls on their backs, you looked down and saw blue eyes staring back at you. "Get ready for bed, my loves. Make sure to brush your hair and your teeth, okay?" They nodded in response, and adjourned the "Princess meeting."

By the time the girls hurried out of their play-room, it was only you and Jordan in the space. It was awkward, to say the least. A conversation on the tip of your tongues but no one had the courage to say what they really wanted to, the elephant in the room.

"Jordan—"

"I'm going to put the girls to bed." He said, getting up from the seat. The crown was still on his head so you stopped him, hand on his chest, and gently pulled it from his hair.

"Thank you." Jordan whispered, fleetingly disappearing from the room.

You didn't realise that you were holding your breath so when you finally sucked in air, there was a pain in your chest. But you didn't know if it was from the lack of oxygen or heartbreak.

*******

It's a glass framed picture.

Heliotrope petals embedded into the thick glass, and an engraving of 'Jordan and Y/N on their wedding day' located in the left hand corner. It's very small. Not everyone can see it until either of you point it out and then it becomes visible, like a kind of magic meant only for you and Jordan.

"Would you look at us." Jordan's accent flowing around you, and back to where he stood. A step or two to the right. "We were so happy then. Just look at our smiles. I mean, you can't even see our eyes."

"It was our wedding day. We didn't know what life would have thrown at us."

Jordan hummed as he traced the photograph, "Do you remember what happened before this?" He asked, turning to you as he leaned on the ledge.

You laughed out loud, sneaking a glance at your husband before looking back. "Of course, the dressmaker was so upset with me after every fitting because I was always gaining a couple of kilos. She had to alter the dress every few weeks, after every new fitting appointment."

"She didn't know— hell, we didn't even know that there was a reason that I was gaining weight."

Jordan continued, "Sophia and Samantha had been troublemakers even before they were born." He laughed as he reminisced, such fun and exciting times. "To think that there were no other indicators of pregnancy except the weight thing — no morning sickness, no fatigue — none of those."

"Just kicked down a door and screamed: we're here!" You interjected. "So bloody different from their brother, Seth."

"I remember how bad the symptoms were with Seth. When we told my dad, he thought for a moment and said that we would have a son and there it was, a son."

Contrast to earlier, the silence that settled between the two of you was comfortable, easy to bask in and Jordan moved closer. Enough to put an arm around your waist and pull you into his chest, "Would you care for a dance with me?" He asked, hope shining in his eyes.

"Yeah, that would be nice." You said. Forgetting about your feelings for a moment, you accepted his hand after he put on Slow Dancing In a Burning Room by John Mayer and led you to an empty space in the living room.

With your head on his chest and his hand curled into yours, pressing his lips to your forehead, he danced with you around the small space. It wasn't fast paced nor slow, but, just enough for a breather and a moment to forget. Forget all about the lost excitement, the tiredness, the irritability, the gleam in your eyes and how you used to look at each other with so much love.

"Jordan, I—" You began, voice cracking but all he could do was shake his head. "Don't. Don't say anything. I know what you want to say but don't."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for feeling this way—" He shook his head, once again, as he pulled you closer.

"Don't apologise. There's no need to apologise, these things happen, right?" He asked. "Right?" He repeated, softer and with too much sadness.

"I don't know if they do, Jords. I've been trying to find out but nothing, nothing is coming up. God, what are we going to tell Sophia and Samantha? Seth is too young to understand but the twins—"

As soon as those words were spoken out loud, Jordan let out a whimper that reached down to the bottom of your heart. There, the two of you stood, crying in each other's arms because somehow you had fallen out of love with each other. A family needing to find their way again, and decisions needing to be made about whether it is worth it to fight for love or give up.