football imagines <3

(20) a hard day - kai havertz

"I've written everything we need on this list right here."

Handing the pastel purple — it's your favourite colour right now, you go through certain phases of colour — page to Kai as you placed a kiss on the crown of his head in one swift movement. His hand touched the spot your lips lingered on, not too long ago, and smiled.

"That one's new." He spoke up, looking at you through the mirror attached to your vanity. His fingers continued caressing the spot, and fluffed up his already bushy curls.

"It's something I've always wanted to try on you, see your reaction, you know?"

"Were you satisfied then?" He asked, getting up and leaning against the wooden feature.

You nodded your head, "Very, I can tell you liked it. If not by you touching it directly afterwards, then, by the smile that was on your face."

"What smile?" He questioned, in fake confusion, but you already figured this out. Your boyfriend's eyebrows would usually bend lower into the ridge of his nose when he is really confused but now his eyebrows was just raised.

"You can't lie to me, Kai. We've been together for years, I know you better than you know yourself."

"Yeah, yeah..." Kai waved his hand as a grin appeared on his face. He removed himself from your vanity and walked towards you, placing his warm hands against your cheeks as he lifted your head.

"The same could be said about me knowing you better than you know yourself, Y/N."

You grasped onto the sides of his sweater, "I'm not denying it though. You, on the other hand, love to rile me up by saying the complete opposite."

Kai chuckled lovingly as his thumbs rubbed the surface of the skin on your cheeks, the constant touch heating up the area. He bent down to put a kiss on each of your cheek until his lips touched yours, "I believe you now."

He mumbled against your lips as he placed one chaste kiss on your lips and moved to walk out of the room, but, you called back for him.

"The list?" You motioned to the page, still, on the vanity desk and Kai slapped himself.

The idiotic expression on his face made you laugh as he walked back into the room, grabbed the page and gracefully — like he didn't just almost forget the grocery list — walked out the room.

You went back to readying yourself for your shift at the hospital and heard the garage door open, and close not too long after, signalling that Kai must have left.

It's been, more or less, seven to eight years since you've gotten to know each other. Kai was just a simple but talented boy, finding himself in the Bayern Leverkusen academy, and you were an intelligent student, light years ahead of your peers. It happened by chance, really, that your uncle was one of the scouting directors and he took you to a game, only to steal Kai's attention. While, he officially stayed at Bayer Leverkusen and eventually made his senior debut, you never lost contact with each other.

Unfortunately, you had gotten a scholarship to study medicine at the University of Cambridge. There was a lot of talking involved but you, both, decided that breaking up would be better than long-distance. It is not meant for everyone and can be mentally taxing on both individuals.

It was by chance that you met again after attending a Chelsea game with your friends and saw your ex-boyfriend on the team. This time, though, you had decided to never let each other go — not now, not again and never again.

*******

"Kai?"

The apartment was silent; not even the appliances in the kitchen made a peep, and honestly speaking, you preferred it this way. That way, it gave you time to process and deal with the emotions of the day before facing your boyfriend.

Setting your things aside on the table by the door, you walked like you were on auto-pilot as you reached the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. Gripping on the bottle, you switched on the light (a very low setting) and sat on the couch, exhaling a large breath you didn't know you were holding in.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, to no one in particular, as your head hit the back of the couch. "I'm sorry, Luca. You deserved someone better."

"You deserve someone better than me, and you know why, because I didn't try hard enough. I'm sorry that you had to leave so early, I wished that you stayed so you could have lived your life for much longer. I'm so so so sorry, Luca, but I know that you're in a better place now."

You didn't even realise you started crying until the tears hit your hands, gripping onto the bottle for support. "I'm sorry."

Fully breaking down, you rested your head on your knees. All you could see when you closed your eyes was the boy's smile, his gap teeth a prominent feature, the kind greeting he always gave you when you visited as the monitor flatlined.

"I'm sorry."

"Y/N?" It was Kai's voice and you wiped your face before turning to your boyfriend. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." You said with a hoarse throat, and you flinched because not even you would believe that. "...did you just wake up? Oh my God, did I disturb you?"

He hurriedly made his way to the couch where you were while shaking his head, "You didn't. I'd been up for a while before that already."

Taking your face in his hands, he gently touches your tear-filled cheeks - wiping them and kissed your eyelids and hopes to heal the redness. Just Kai's loving touch as his piercing blue eyes fluttered around in concern brought all emotion back and tears started rolling down your cheeks again.

"I'm sorry— I'm— it's just been a terrible day at work." You tried breathing as your eyes hit the ceiling, trying to stop the tears.

"It's fine. I don't need to know now, I just want you to catch your breath and calm down first, yeah?"

You could feel another crying session coming along but, luckily, Kai was there this time. Wrapping his arms around you and rocking you through your emotions, he whispered sweet-nothings into your ears.

The room grew silent for a few minutes, your sobs settling down to sniffles and tears before you decided to speak. "I lost a boy today."

"He was only 10 years old but his lungs collapsed. He was born prematurely — three months — and spent all those months in the incubator, but, his lungs had never fully developed. Always in-and-out of the hospital with lung problems until it got so bad he became a permanent resident."

You wiped the tears, "I know I should be use to this but being a paediatric doctor and seeing so many lives - that were only beginning - taken too soon. It hurts, Kai, it's hurts so badly, in here." Rubbing your chest where your heart was located, you fell back into Kai's arms.

"I'm sorry, love." Kai repeated against your head as you curled into his arms, not knowing what to say.

He knew that you loved your job, you loved the little kids, you loved helping people but knew you hated this part about it — that you couldn't save everyone. There was only once, before, you came back in a state and that was the first time one of your patients passed.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, tilting your head to face his. "I know this is not going to make you feel better immediately but I'll run the bath, I'll gather snacks and we'll meet back here and watch one of your favourite movies."

"Is that okay with you?" He asked, kissing your forehead as you nodded. But when he wanted to get up, you tightly held onto his shirt.

"Stay with me a few more moments." You begged.

He cuddled into the seat and manoeuvred you so you were comfortably sitting on his lap, his hand rubbing your back and Kai kissing your crown this time,

"I'll stay for as long as you want me to."