Halfway to Love

Chapter 4

When I open my eyes, I see white ceiling. I bring my hands up to wipe my eyes and see one of them is bandaged. Someone sits on my bed, and I look over to find Slater. He's wringing his hands in his lap,

"I'm sorry I didn't step in before you started hurting yourself."

I look at my hand again and sit up, putting my back against the headboard.

"It's fine. Not the first time I've hurt myself and probably not the last. Can I ask you a question?"

He nods, still looking down at his lap.

"Does the anger and disgust ever go away?"

He's silent for a moment before he turns towards me, not meeting my eyes but looking over at me.

"Yes and no. I still have days where I can't stand anyone touching me, but I also have days where I need someone always touching me. The disgust took me a long time to deal with. I still can't handle mirrors. But for years, any time I felt disgust about myself Daniel would ask me to show him, and he would make me feel good. It might have been unconventional but the first few times we were intimate, I was actively talking about the abuse that happened to me and he would do the opposite to me."

He takes a breath and looks me in the eye,

"I would tell him where I was beaten, and he would kiss it. If I was whipped, he would run his fingers over my skin. And...and when I spoke about being raped, he made sure I was loved."

He reached over and took my uninjured hand in both of his,

"We are here to help you, Elliot. Whatever you need. Whether it is all the space, or no space. Whether you want to talk about it or never mention it again. I'm sorry that I was so harsh earlier when we first met. Even Sir hasn't been through what we have, and he's been through hell. River shattered when I finally told them what I went through, and I didn't want to let you in just to break you like I did with them."

I squeeze his hands and then move mine out of his. He draws away from me and stands walking to the door.

"Dinner will be ready soon, you slept through lunch. You have your own bathroom. I've left some clothes on the counter. Take a shower or whatever and then come down. We will be in the dining room. It's through the other arch at the bottom on the stairs."

With that he leaves, closing the door behind him. I huff and stare at the ceiling, feeling the headache from my breakdown brewing behind my eye lids. Looking around the room it looks like a dorm room. I had a small double bed with draws under it in one corner. A desk under the window that also worked as a bed-side table. At the base of the bed was an ottoman with a chest of draws next to it. Next to the bathroom door was a wardrobe. Everything was a light sandalwood. The ottoman was a deep purple that matched the curtains. The floor was a cream carpet, and the walls and ceiling were white.

The bathroom was just as white, with near grey tiles on the floor. It was basic with a sink, toilet and shower. There was a mirror above the sink, but I don't dwell on it. Because of my hand I can't really shower so I just use a washcloth to clean myself up before putting on Slaters clothes. He left me a pair of boxers, a black hoodie and some grey joggers. The hoodie is a little big on me but otherwise the clothes fit great. I slide my shoes back on and stumble down the stairs. My head really not liking being upright very much. There's chatter and clatter coming from the dining room as I walk in, and it only pauses for a second when I walk in. I sit in the empty seat next to Slater as Daniel dishes up some mac'n'cheese as a small hand puts 2 tablets and a glass of water next to me.

"Thanks River."

I take the pills with the water and slowly start eating. There's more on my plate then I am used to eating.

"Remember you don't have to finish what's on your plate everyone."

Daniel states to the quiet room. I know he was indicating it towards me, but I appreciate him not calling me out. It's nice to know that he was actually listening while we were speaking in his office. After a few more minutes of eating I'm done, there's still half a plate of food in front of me but if I eat more then I will be sick. I sit at the table and look down at my lap as everyone is finishing their own meals. I flinch slightly when Slaters hands enter my vision but he's just collecting my plate before he walks back to the kitchen. Daniel clears his throat and looks at me. I'm starting to think that it's a nervous tic he does.

"I cook most nights and the others take turns cleaning. From tomorrow you will join them until you learn where everything goes and then you will have a night of your own. We generally go by the clean as we go method with regards to the house. Your room is your responsibility. As long as you can get to the door in case of emergencies, the state of your room is up to you. You can also decorate it as you please."

I wonder if I could paint the walls with a scene. But then again which would I choose? I do have four walls to cover. Oh, and maybe I could do the ceiling too. By the time I left my thoughts I was in the dining room alone. Noise from the TV suggested they were in the other room. After pushing my chair in, I wondered across the hallway to see them cuddled up on the sofa. Daniel was sat in one of the corners with River's head on his lap. River's legs were laying across Lewis and Slater while the two of them cuddled. Lewis had his arm around Slater's shoulder and was absentmindedly drawing patterns on his arm.

I don't fit this family. I turn around and head upstairs to just lay on my bed.