Unkept Promises

Thoughts in silence

Abhiram's POV

A lone tear drop slid down my cheeks and fell onto my t-shirt as I could feel some more salty tears blurring my eyes. The tear drop earlier had traced a hot streak, but as air gently blew upon my cheek, I could feel a sudden coldness. Was it the same about pain? Hot, intense, gut-wrenching pain striking you before you could even control and then someone blowing cold air on it, like in the case of tears. That means, the pain will go away some day? Maybe? Perhaps, it will, but now I find this really hard to believe. It seemed as though there was no way out, no possible way of relieving this pain that had been ushered in my being by the metaphorical punch to my gut.

I stood there inside the kitchen mindlessly swirling the spatula in the khichdi that I had been cooking for us. I was sure of one thing, after listening to what Avi had to say, mom and dad won't be having much of an appetite or rather if they would have any. Mom and dad had come back after so long and instead of serving them some really wonderful Gujarati food, which Avi and I would have cooked together, here was I cooking Khichdi for them, while they heard the painful cries and words of their daughter.

(Gujarati khichdi - It is a traditional and unique khichdi recipe made with rice, dals, some vegetables and sour buttermilk.)

I felt footsteps approaching me and from the rhythm of them, it must be mom. I felt her hand turning off the knob of the gas and she stood besides me leaning on the kitchen counter.

"Why Abhiram?", her voice was firm, yet I could sense the underlying sorrow in that tone.

I could not even bring myself to face her, let alone utter a single word in response. What do I even tell her after I had broken her daughter, my Avi to such an extent.

She took ahold of my hand and turned me to face her. I immediately averted my eyes in shame.

"Look at me Abhiram. Tell me what went wrong.", she urged on again.

"Mom, I, ..", I just could not speak. The lump in my throat made it impossible for me to do so.

"I have never seen my Avanti so heartbroken, so pained before this. You know Abhiram how we have raised our daughter and what kind of a human being she is. We trusted you with our heart, our baccha (child), and you do this to her. Look at her, she cannot even utter a single sentence without tears in her eyes or pain in her words. We understand it was Kinjal, but can't you even listen to your own wife once? Hear her side, hear what she has to say. Itna mushkil hota hai ye?", I winced at her words.

(Itna mushkil hota hai ye - is this too difficult?)

"Mom, I am sincerely sorry, very, very sorry for every wrong word I have uttered, for every time I have failed our relationship, failed my Avi. I am so sincerely sorry."

"You know Abhiram, as much as I know you, I believe in your words - I can clearly understand that you are speaking all of this honestly, from within your heart, but don't you think its a bit too late? Avanti's dad and I, we are not the type of parents who would interfere in their child's marriage - that's a strict no, but when it comes to protecting my child, you know how fiercely protective we are. And you, Abhiram beta, you have hurt my child, hurt her too much.", her eyes brimmed with tears.

"I know mom and I cannot even meet my own eyes in the mirror. The person I had vowed to love, protect, cherish our whole life has been hurt by me, betrayed my me, beyond our understanding."

It pained me to even utter these words.

"But mom, I promise you I will make everything right, all of it, whatever I have done wrong to my Avi, to our relationship, I promise I will mend it all.", I uttered frantically scared that she would take Avi away from me. I cannot afford that - I literally cannot see a life without her in it.