Unkept Promises

Sunrise

Abhiram's POV

I was right where I wanted to be, right where I belonged, with my Avi. We were still tucked into each other's arms, in the same place. It was not just me who did not want to leave the comforting warmth of her arms around me, she too was reluctant to let go off me.

And all of this was understandable. This separation had killed us.

I still could not bring myself to believe that she had indeed forgiven me. It seemed so unrealistic. Or perhaps, it was my guilt, weighing down on my conscience that still made me feel the disbelief of this moment.

She carefully removed her head from my neck to gaze up at me, right into my eyes. Peace was etched onto her face, perhaps it was etched onto mine too, at least, that's what I really felt from within, and her eyes beheld all of the tenderness within her.

"You are still in disbelief, aren't you?", her voice was soft and tone, knowing.

"I", my voice sounded like a croak. My throat felt really sore from all of that ugly crying.

"Why would I not be Avi? A massive burden has been lifted from my heart after I heard those words, but honestly, all these days I had grown accustomed to that burden of guilt, almost to the point of self-loathing. No definitely to that point, and now that its taken away from me, it just doesn't seem real.", I explained

"But you truly mean this Avi, hai na?"

(hai na - isn't it)

Though my words sounded like a question, they were not. It was more of a pleading.

"Of course I mean it Abhi. I truly forgive you."

I felt a grateful smile making its way onto my face. Still being hesitant, I leaned in her direction. She must have sensed that hesitance, since she leaned in too, met me more than halfway ahead, and placed her lips on mine. Not moving. Just a long peck. A long sweet peck.

"See Abhi, when I say I forgive you, I really do mean it. It has come from within me. This is not something which I have coerced myself into saying, which I have forced myself to state - you know I could never do that. Perhaps, I had come closer to this decision earlier, but I did not have it in myself to utter those words or rather to take that final step. Today was the day I took it, because it felt right to me. So please do not be perturbed about it, hmm?"

She gently cupped my face.

"I believe in what you have said Avi, and though a huge part of me still feels like I do not really deserve this, I choose to believe in you, and your present judgement.", I spoke the truth.

"Aren't you being too hard on yourself?", her gaze was inquisitive. It felt as though she wanted to find something out of the answer which I would give.

Too hard on myself?

I let out a wry chuckle.

"I don't think so love. And even if I am being difficult with myself Avi, I feel like this is how it should be. The things I have done, the way I have behaved with you - that unfairness, that injustice, that mistrust, those accusations - all of that haunts me, and till the time they continue to haunt me, I don't think I will be able to go easy on myself. Its just not possible Avi. Its not just the guilt of that all, I am terribly ashamed of the way I have treated you, and I could never forget it."

My tone was quite somber, and my words, sincere.

"Abhi, now that you have spoken of forgetting things - I know its not possible. I mean, I may have forgiven you, yes, I have, but forgetting those things is difficult for me. In fact, let me be quite frank here. Those memories are terrible, and getting rid of them from our minds is going to be very difficult. There will be times when I would still get entangled in their clutches and get affected by those vicious negative emotions. There will be times when I will still be angry with you, furious even for making me go through all that, for making us go through all that. We have come this far, but there will still be times when we will face setbacks. That's natural, that's bound to happen. Forgiveness is not equivalent to forgoing things, but that also does not mean that you have to constantly feel burdened by your guilt. That you have to constantly walk on the brink of turmoilous thoughts."