saudade [Bakugou K. X reader] [Book two]

[T H I R T Y - E I G H T]

[Song recommendation: Genesis --- Grimes]

[Warning: Katsuki angst]

[Chapter Thirty-Eight]

"What're you glarin' at?"

I slid my gaze away from the wall, finding that Katsuki was now awake. He had his head turned to me, his eyebrows furrowed together, lips pulled into a small frown. He began to sit up, carefully minding his injuries unlike how abrasive he was earlier.

I sat in the chair beside his bed, my elbow propped on the arm with my chin resting over my knuckles. I looked back to the wall, figuring out the equation in my mind as I had been for the past ten minutes. When I didn't answer, Katsuki leaned forward and flicked me on the forehead.

"I'm talking to you, dumbass. I know you ain't deaf, and I know you ain't ignoring me," He said.

"Not ignoring you," I mumbled. "'M thinking."

"That's never a good thing," He hummed with a teasing grin. "What now?"

"You've been in this hero stuff longer than I have," I said, moving my hand from under my chin as I narrowed my eyes at the wall. "Explain to me why the heroes were never prepared for something like this."

Katsuki moved his hands to his lap. "What're you talking about?"

"Almost all of the urban areas have descended into complete panic. No one has even had time to process what's happened, and the villains that have escaped have already begun to terrorize everyone. Not to mention that the nomu's very existence has spread across the nation. People are succumbing to their anxieties and fears, and all of that frustration that had built up over time...it's only a matter of time before the dam bursts,"

I sighed and sat forward, parting my legs as I widened my stance, letting my arms dangle between my thighs as I laced my fingers together. I lifted my hands and rubbed between my eyebrows before letting them drop.

"Dabi, or rather, Todoroki Touya made a nationwide broadcast exposing the Todoroki family history, and the fault in the heroes. People's faith in the heroes is beginning to waiver. From what broadcasts I.V.A.N. has shown me, civilians have decided to take matters of self-defense into their own hands. Based on credit card purchases and the sudden rise in buyers, I'd say they're using tools and weapons that are readily available for them to use."

Katsuki frowned. "They're untrained. Engaging in combat with villains like that without any prior training or experience is just plain stupid."

I pulled my phone out and showed him the images I.V.A.N. had given me. All of them were satellite photos of destroyed towns and pictures people have taken while they fled. Katsuki's frown deepened.

"It's barely been two days," He mumbled.

I extended my leg out and returned my phone to my pocket before returning to my original position. "The battles are rarely contained and are resulting in nothing but extreme damage and casualties. And when the heroes arrive, they aren't very welcome. The ranks are starting to thin."

He lifted his head. "They're quitting?"

"Some outright quit, others play it off as early retirement because they're too scared of what will happen next. Yoroi Musha—the number nine hero—retired this morning during a press conference," I replied.

Katsuki scoffed. "They ain't fuckin' heroes if they're quittin' now."

"Everyone wants to be a hero when everything is peaceful," I stood up. "But when faced with a challenge, they tuck tail and run. The ones who will stay—those are your heroes."

Katsuki reached out and wrapped his hand around my wrist, preventing me from walking away. He pulled me closer to the side of his bed, and when I got close enough, he replaced his hand on the back of my thigh. He squeezed my leg softly, laying his head against my stomach. I raked my hand through his hair.

"What's wrong, Katsudon?" I asked softly.

"Nothin'," He mumbled.

"Don't try and hide stuff from me," I hummed. "I know you like the back of my hand by now. Something's on your mind. What is it?"

A long silence fills the air. It's pure steel, a testament to Katsuki's unwillingness to waiver or break. A weird feeling settles in the pit of my stomach, and I can't fight the way my eyebrows lace together.

"Katsuki, I don't want to push, but if something's bothering you, you can tell me. You know that," I tested, my voice softer.

Another silence, though it didn't last as long before his long exhale was breaking through. He pulled me closer, making me kneel on the bed, hovering over his lap. I scratched his scalp, making his eyes close as he leaned further against me.

"I don't know."

He turned his head to the side, facing the wall. His eyes opened slowly, a certain heaviness lingering in them.

"It's alright, Katsuki," I said. "You don't always have to know what's bothering you to know that something is off."

"I'm..." He pulled me down into his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist as he buried his face in my shoulder. I felt warmth rise to my cheeks, but I made no action to remove myself from his hold. Instead, I draped my arms over his shoulders and rested my chin on his head.

"What is it, love?" I whispered.

His fingers curled into a fist, bunching the fabric of my shirt up in his palms. I could feel his face scrunch up, and I felt as if a piece of my heart chipped off when I heard his choked sob finally break past his lips.

"I'm scared," He whimpered. "Why am I so scared? Why the fuck am I scared, Y/n? What am I supposed to do?"

"Oh, Katsuki," I forced his face from my neck, cradling his face in my palms instead. His eyebrows were laced together in frustration, tears quickly cascading down his pale cheeks. I wiped his tears as they fell, making him drop his head to try and hide his face away.

"This is so fucking stupid!" He exclaimed. "I shouldn't be crying over dumb shit like this! T-These dumbass people—they don't fucking get it! They don't get how much it f-fucking—"

He broke off in a sob, his shoulders shaking. I let him rest his head against my shoulder as I slowly rocked back and forth, hushing him softly. His breath hitched in hiccups, his words slurred together and his cries became mushed mumbles.

"I know, baby," I whispered, kissing his temple. "I know it hurts, Katsuki. It'll be okay. I'll figure something out—for both of us."

"You can't always fix everything," He snapped. "You don't always know the answer."

"You're right," I hummed. "I don't always have the answer. But that doesn't mean I can't find it. In fact, I'm searching for it as we speak."

Katsuki pulled back, looking up at me with glossy ruby eyes and furrowed brows. "W-What are you talking about?"

"You'll see soon enough," I said, kissing his forehead. "For now, just rest. You need it."

[Chapter Thirty-Eight: End]
[Date: 8 July 2023]
[Images not mine]
[Edited]