Fuck Puck Love

Chapter 39 - Vienna

I follow Lezlie up into her room where we will remain until her mother calls us down to dinner, tonight we are having Ssamjang, according to Leslie is a popular Korean pasta. 

I sit on the bed and pull my backpack off before pulling my history books outs to study for our upcoming test. 

"Can we just talk, I'm tired of studying" I groan.

"Come on, you know I have to but feel free not to," she says with a laugh.

I sigh and pull out my phone thankful for the distraction. Leslie has some need to always be the best, in school, as a person, and in volleyball. I think it has to do with impressing her family but to be honest, I've never really brought it up for fear of hurting her, and for that very same reason, I don't bring it up now.

I scroll on my phone and view the missed calls and text messages from Ezra.

Ez: Please just let me explain.

Ez: You don't understand.

Ez: I had to do it.

He had to do it? Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ? Not anything he could say would ever fix the pain that seeing that caused me. Nothing.

 I have 29 missed calls from that night. He has called me since then, probably figuring out how much I really don't want to hear from him. I thought it would bring me some relief but it only makes it feel worse knowing that he has given up on me.

He tried talking to me, tried telling me why and I just walked away. I just want to know what I did. Was I not good enough?

I feel a tear slip out of my eye and I quickly wipe it away thankful Leslie has her nose in a book and wasn't able to see it. I get up from her bed and set my phone down before getting up, "Im going to go get a glass of water" I say, just needing to get away from my phone, with every second it's in my hand I get the stronger temptation to call him back, to tell him how much he hurt me, how much I loved him. Loved.

She just nods her head not taking her eyes away from the textbook she is scanning and I take that as my queue to leave.

Im walking down the hallway looking down at my fingers when I collide with someone, Leo. I inhale a deep breath mentally preparing myself to see him but instead, I just whisper a sorry and continue walking down the hall still looking at my fingers.

Leo follows me much to my dismay before lightly grabbing my wrist to turn me to him.

"Is this okay?" He asks with fear in his eyes.

"Yes," I whisper mentally preparing myself to face Ezra's best friend, the guy who played a key part in me and Ezra getting together. He used to call himself our personal cupid and apparently the arrow didn't only go through me and Ezra, it stuck Bailey too.

"Okay" 

"Okay, now if we are done here I'd like to go just get a glass of water," I say still not being able to meet his eyes.

"No, we are not," he says aging back some of his confidence, letting go of my wrist silently telling me that if I really wanted to go I have the option to but I can't, I can't let go of this possibility, that maybe if I stand here with him he might be able to tell me something I want to here, that he was forced to but I know the words won't come out of his mouth. He wants to let ezra explain it.

"Just call him back," he says with a defeated look.

"Please?" he adds.

"Have you ever thought that maybe he doesn't deserve it" 

"you don't know what this is doing to him" The second leaves his mouth I am furious.

"What this is doing to him?" I laugh.

"It wasn't his fault"

"Oh so he tripped and his mouth manically landed on hers," I ask calmly.

"Don't do this Princess"

Even though that doesn't calm me down in the slightest I silently agree by taking a step back.

"I'll call him when I'm ready."

"Okay"

"I'm not doing this on his terms"

"I believe you princess" and with that, he leans down and kisses my forehead before walking back in the direction he was, probably headed to his room.

I continue to walk to the kitchen and when I finally get my glass of water all I want to do is cry. The burning on the back of my throat is all I can focus on.  I return to Leslie's room without letting a single teardrop fall, letting myself relish in the pain I feel, I deserve it.

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I told you I would do it! What did you think?

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-XOXO Lilly-Grace