Heartless People |Book 2|

Chapter 7

"It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs."

—Vaclav Havel

NICKHUN

"Have you had sex yet?" Dr. Bell, our therapist, asked bluntly. I looked over at Victoria, who just stared down at her nails.

"No, we haven't," I answered. "I mean, we were going to but..."

"You weren't able to get..."

"No!" I snapped. I knew where he was going, and I didn't like it. "My dick works fine, thank you."

"Then what happened?" he asked.

"Our sister-in law cut in. That killed the mood," Victoria replied.

"How long ago was that?"

"Five days ago," I said.

"And in those five days you weren't able to get into the mood again?"

Neither of us answered.

"How long has it been since either of you have had sex?"

"I don't..."

"Seven months, two weeks, five days and three hours," I said, causing Victoria to stare at me wide-eyed. Even Dr. Bell stared at me oddly.

"I'm good with numbers," I said, sitting back in my chair.

"I see," he said. "The reason why I worry about it is because a healthy sex life is highly important in a marriage. It brings you closer together and allows you to see each other in the most intimate way. The longer you both stay away from each other, the harder it is to find your way back. Nickhun, what was it that set the mood last time?"

I shrugged. "She looked beautiful in her dress and I couldn't take her my eyes off her as we danced. Plus, it was the longest I'd gotten to hold her in some time."

"Victoria?"

"He looked at me like he used to..." She sighed, finally looking at me. "Like I mattered."

"You do matter. You matter a lot, more than anything." I took her hand.

"It's one thing to say it, but it's another to show it," she whispered, pulling her hand away.

"See, that's our problem." I groaned as I sat forward. "I'm trying all the time. I am fucking trying, but she always goes back a step and blames me for everything in the past. I know I screwed up, but I feel like we're never going to get past that point."

"Maybe we shouldn't!" she yelled at me, and I felt the sudden urge to strangle her.

"Is that what you really want, Victoria? Do you want a divorce?" Dr. Bell asked her and I felt my heart slowly sink. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her. It was worse when she didn't answer.

"Divorce, means something completely different in this family, Doc." She replied, with a hint of sarcasm he didn't get.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

She didn't say anything.

"Either way I don't think you want to get a divorce," the doctor answered for her. "I think you want to make him suffer because you suffered. You want him to feel everything you felt. You know he loves you and you love him, but you're still angry."

That got my attention.

"Maybe." She frowned and we all fell silent.

He was good at letting us be silent. The motherfucker got paid by the hour anyway.

"Fine, I'm still angry and hurt. He doesn't just get to come in with his charm and make it all better. He just wants to wipe the slate clean and pretend he never did anything!" She pointed at me.

"No, I don't! I want to wipe the slate clean so I can stop sleeping in the fucking guest bedroom and hold my wife again. I want to wipe the slate clean so we can move on! That doesn't mean I want to forget. I don't think I could ever forget the seven months of blue balls and short jabs you've taken at me. You want me to suffer, Victoria? Well I'm suffering! I have a beautiful, amazing wife who won't let me hold her, who won't even speak to me! I'm suffering!" I yelled.

I stood up.

"I'm done for the day, Doc." And with that, I left.

VICTORIA

"I know you're hurt, Victoria. But you have to let go of it or let go of your husband, because it's not fair to you or him," Doctor Bell said to me and I just stared at my wedding ring.

I didn't know he was suffering. He seemed fine, always happy to see me when I stepped out in the hall. I was tired of this too...

"Thanks, Doc. See you next week," I said as I walked out.

The moment I got down to the car, the driver opened the door for me. Nickhun sat with his head up and eyes closed.

"Clean slate," I said, taking his hand.

He looked to me. "What?"

"It's time for a clean slate, and starting from now, there is one," I whispered.

"Clean slate," he repeated in shock as I sat on to his lap to kiss him.

"God, I've missed you," he muttered, as he wrapped his arms around me.

It was going to take baby steps, but it was time.