Heartless People |Book 2|

Chapter 28

"Everything Dies. That is the law of life-the bitter unchangeable law"

—David Clement-Davies

NICKHUN

Up the halls, down the corridors, in circles, I ran. She just upped and left, not bothering to speak to a nurse or even text me. I had no idea where she was or where she was going, and what pissed me off the most was the fact that it was my fault. I never should've left her alone, but I just needed a goddamn second to breathe, to gather the broken pieces of myself. I should have been with her; I should have never left her side.

"Nickhun?" My father grabbed hold of me in the middle of the lobby, but I couldn't meet his eyes. I just stared at all the faces passing me by, some in snow white coats, others in blue scrubs, but most of them were just visitors wandering about. None of them were Victoria.

Where was she? Damn it, where was she?

"Nickhun? Son? What's wrong? Speak to me." He shook me like he did when I was child, forcing me to meet his eyes. They looked just as tired as mine. I wouldn't be surprised if I now shared the wrinkles he now wore.

"Victoria. She's gone. I don't know where she went. The nurse said she checked out." She'd checked out without me, without anyone in the family.

"Son, she's at the church down the street. I had Chanyeol follow her...."

I didn't even wait for him to finish speaking before I broke out of his arms, rushing out the automatic double doors and into the blaring streets. I had no idea what street I was on, my mind was coming undone every moment she wasn't next to me.

The church my father spoke of was in sight, farther down the road. Pushing through the crowd, I did my best not to run, to stay calm and to think of what I was going to say to her. With each step that brought me closer to the looming brick cathedral, I felt the words drip out of my brain and disappear into some gutter.

I wasn't sure what to say. I must have been going out of my mind. Like a madman, I'd been running all over the damn hospital, calling her phone over and over again. Now I was standing outside of the intimidating wooden doors of Saint Margaret, unsure of what I could possibly say to her.

Mind went back to the first time I had met her. I was entering Eastside Diner to escape the monsoon that was pouring over the city. The moment I saw her run in, out of breath, dripping wet, and laughing like a madwoman, I found myself unable to look away from her. She had this presence about her and it drew me in.

It felt like a lifetime ago.

Sighing, I grasped the church door and pulled. As the door swung open, I saw her. She stuck out like...well, like a drunk in a church. She sat in the candle lit cathedral with her legs propped up on the pew, and a bottle of vodka in her hand. Not a soul dared to rear their heads. Blessing myself, I walked the aisle, my feet echoing as I hurried to reach her. She didn't even look up. She just drank.

"I called you," I whispered to her.

"A lot of people called me. I threw my phone out the window." Again, she put the bottle to her lips.

That was rational.

"Okay."

"Okay."

I was waiting for something...anything. For her to break down like before, maybe even scream, but instead, she sat comfortably in the second row staring up at the cross hanging over the sea of candles.

"Victoria, talk to me. Please."

"I don't want to talk. I just want to drink."

"Victoria..."

"You want to talk? Talk to God. Ask him why he's such a dick. Why does he give with one hand and then slap you across the face with the other?"

She got up from the bench and stumbled forward. I reached to help, but she simply pushed me away, spilling some of the vodka over her hand and over me. Ignoring it, she continued moving towards the altar.

"Did you know only four percent of women diagnosed with ovarian cancer are my age?" she asked. "Slap one. Thanks, Big Guy!" She laughed, drinking at the foot of the cross. "I have stage two, which means both of my ovaries are shot! Because, why the fuck would I need ovaries, right? Oh, and so is my uterus. It's not like I haven't been dying for a child anyway. Dying, funny, Big Guy. You're just hilarious!"

"Victoria—"

"Stop Victoria-ing me! Damn it! If I live..."

"You will live!" I wanted to grab her, but she kept pacing away from me. Watching her pace like that was driving me crazy.

"Yeah, because you're an almighty Manoban. You see all, know all, are all, right? Every one of you walks on water! You all can do as you please and God simply looks away! Mina is right, he's picking favorites, but what else is new? We thought we caught it early, well we were wrong! I was wrong...so wrong...I thought I was pregnant. What kind of idiot thinks they're pregnant? How did I not know? I didn't see the signs until I was too far gone! How did I not notice?"

She tried to drink, but her bottle was empty. Rearing her arm back, she prepared to throw it, but I took it from her before she could. Pulling her into my arms, I just held her. I wasn't sure what to say, or how I could make her feel any better.

"You want to know the icing on the cake?" she whispered, leaning into me. "This church—the church down the block from the hospital—is named St. Margaret of Antioch. She was the saint of childbirth, pregnant women, and dying people..."

She drew in a sharp breath and it was as though someone had stabbed us both.

"You aren't in this alone. It's you and me. You and I have cancer. We have cancer. And I swear to you I will never leave your side, but I need you to fight this. I need you to come back to the hospital," I whispered, kissing the back of her head.

"I can't. I can't do the chemo. I can't knowingly inject myself with poison, lose all my hair, let my bones become brittle, not to mention...I can't, Nickhun. I just..."

"You can, because I can't live without you. I can live without a kid—I truly can—but you...you are not up for debate. You stay for as long I stay, and I plan to live for a long, long time. So please, for the love of me, come back and let's fight this bitch so we can get back to our lives."

She is the most important thing to me. She is everything.