The Sympathy Screw | 18+

Chapter 30 - Things I Never Got

Author's Notes:

The theme song of this chapter is:

If You Let Me          by          Sinead Harnett, featuring GRADES

~:~

I groaned and rolled over in the bed after I shut off the alarm, my arm reaching out for the sleeping man I loved beside me. My sleep-addled brain didn't remember that he wouldn't be there, but I found his pillow, cold, next to me, and pulled it close. I hadn't washed that pillowcase since he'd last slept in the bed and it still smelled like Andrew. I snuggled into it, inhaling his scent.

"I love you," I murmured against the soft fabric, kissing it slightly. I licked my lips after, imagining his tongue touching mine. Part of my brain expected him to chuckle from across the room and chide me about kissing his pillow, but that chuckle never came.

As I started to ease into being awake and reality hit me, my broken heart tore just a tiny bit more.

"I miss you," I told Andrew into the pillow, as I let a tear trickle down from my eye, "I miss you so, so much. Every minute."

I sat up and looked over at the dog bed. Casanova was dutifully waiting there. When I looked at him, his tail wagging stopped and he began making little whimpering sounds. "Hey, buddy," I told him, patting the bed beside me, "You want to come sit with Mom?"

As if he understood me perfectly, Cass hopped up on the bed beside me and nuzzled up to my thigh. I ran my fingers through his soft fluffy fur for a minute, savoring his affection and comfort.

After skipping my workout for the trip and then the hangover, I knew I had to work out today. "I better get ready and face the day now," I said, half to Cass and half to myself, "even if I don't want to."

I picked up my phone from the nightstand and saw that I had a text message from Sam.

Sam: How's my favorite girl?
I can't wait for our movie night

I quickly typed out a reply:

Me: I've had better days

Still deciding what movieWhy are you texting so early?

Without waiting for Sam to respond, I got up, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and started putting on my workout clothes for the gym. I checked my phone and saw that there was a new message from Sam, but didn't read it yet. I just tucked the phone in my pocket, thinking I could handle my texts while I was on the stair-stepper at the gym.

I always worked out on an empty stomach, but the jetlag was throwing me a little, so I went to the kitchen to grab an energy drink to give me the caffeinated boost I needed. When I got there, I discovered that my usual stash of energy drinks had been depleted, so I headed to the basement to get into my backup supply. I usually restocked about once every month or two and I hadn't been drinking as many of them since Andrew had gone into hospice.

Fumbling with a step-ladder, I made my way down the creaky steps into the dark and gloom. There hadn't been a lot of basements in our area, so we had always considered ourselves lucky to have scored a house with one, but it had a horrible dank, musty smell, and it always seemed a little creepy, so much so that neither of us really went down there much. The basement was mostly relegated to backup storage of useless clutter and stockpiles, except for a few hidey-holes for surprise gifts we didn't want the other person to find.

When I got to the cupboard in the basement where the energy drinks were, I set the step-ladder down and unfolded it, standing on the top step. The energy drinks were up high and I could barely reach them, but I didn't restock them often and kept them in a bin on the shelf. I yanked on the bin until it was where I could lift it with two hands, and then pulled it off the shelf.