In misery L.H

Part thirteen:i might

In Luke's point of view:

Written in journal entries

So cat dropped a bomb on me a few days ago and we haven't talked much ,it's not like I'm avoiding her I'm just not making an effort to talk I'm just trying to sort my shit out and get my b+ in maths up to an A Luke the rest .That one letter has been stressing me out to no extent and it's starting to become a issue again as I haven't eaten in 36 hours and I smoke a solid 11 cigarettes the last three days which isn't very good as I had gone like a month almost.I haven't talked to Michael in three weeks.He has better things to do then mess around with the fuck up .Kids started to say shit to me again but I'm ignoring it so I don't have the urge to slit my wrists again.I was court ordered by my mother after refusing to go to therapy.Because I'm 18 and still in high school she had control over me.

I wish that I had the ability to stop the tears that are coming out.I don't feel much just empty sitting in the fucking therapist office.Im fucking manic depressive another term for low-key bipolar depression.I can't display the amount of feeling I do and do not have currently.I'm becoming withdrawn and distant again I feel powerless.

I'm home now.Its 2:13 in the goddamn morning.Im ready a book called "a convent hatred:the history of anti-semitism" it's boring as fuck but I need to read it to write my report for class.I smoking a black magic cigarette and drinking straight vodka from the bottle.An absolute shit combination.My throat burns and eyes sting I feel fucking inadequate.To the point where I want to tattoo the word to my forehead so people don't actually have to get to know me to figure it out.It'd be a shame to have to actually let someone on so they could leave again.why and I fucked up.a question many people ask themselves.

My entire week has been a rerun of that night that is until cat showed up last night.Shes in my shower right now.She was crying and bleeding from her knees her smooth pale knuckles bruised and bloody.I had to call ash once she went to sleep.He said her dad finally told her he basically left her in Australia.Shes taking it rough.

I'm in school.On my standard anti-depressants as I have been all week I'm just waiting for my mom to stop watching me when I take it.I prefer to feel everything so vividly then to have one solid decent emotion.Cat came to school with my green day shirt tucked into a and I quote " an ash grey skater skirt" with black knee socks to cover up the bloody and bruised skin on her knees.I drive she gone and she kissed me.It was quick and in the right corner of my lips but hell I liked it and I could taste her vanilla lipgloss