In misery L.H

Fourteen:i dont do friends

In lukes point of view

You know everything was chill cat and I went on a date it rained and ruined the picnic but it was still a good date,we where laying on her couch and waiting for Calum to come home from his date with some girl he said and she like dying her hair and shit I don't know .Cat was laying on my chest while I played with her hair watching tangled and it was all cool.you know that is until fucking Calum stumbles into the living room making out with Michael and dry humping each other.A great sight really made even better when calum pinned Michael to the wall.

"Fucking hell Calum bring him upstairs"she said looking at him.Suddenly he stopped I stared directly at MICHAEL who turned around and then looked at cat then me."fuck" MICHAEL breathed out.And suddenly I was pissed,bipolar pissed,my I didn't take my pills pissed.

He knew he fucked up.He ignored me for three weeks.Three fucking weeks because he was fucking around with Calum.He cared more about sex than me.And then I switched to....sad.Mostly empty yeah empty."you said you couldn't hangout today because you where going to Your moms house today"I started standing up michael looked at a lose for words an calum was just staring at cat who was looking at me I started having a panic attack and shit.My breath came in short quick huffs and the room started to sway I was running out of the house and to my car they where following me .and cat was screaming to stop then to calum saying I wasn't ok to drive and Michael was screaming at me and fuck I needed to get out of here I could breath and I was fumbling with my keys and and..and fuck I got then in but everything was moving still and still couldn't catch my breath.i hit the acceleration and left the driveway and went to the liquor store.I slammed the door shut and walked in going to the back grabbing a bottle of vodka and a pack of ciggerettes.

Fuck it
Fuck me
Fuck them
Fuck my lungs
Fuck my liver
Fuck my friends
Fuck my head
Fuck my family
Fuck my heart
Fuck living

And with that I walked into my front doors taking out my phone looking at the calls and messages from Michael cat and Calum and two from ashton my mom wasn't home I hadn't eaten for 27 hours and hadn't taken my pills.

I grabbed my light lit a cig.I popped open the cap and took a big drink the burning sensation dripping down my throat and on my lips.i inhaled deeply counting to three and throwing my head back.I closed my eyes let im sit in my lungs for 5 seconds.i opened my eyes and exhaled for 7 seconds watching the gray clouds roll into themselves and up to the ceiling.I laughed a bitter laugh.walking upstairs leaning on the wall.I took another drink and my eyes water.And I cough a bit ."now come one come all to this tragic affair" I said laughing bitterly slurring around to my room where my pills where.I took another drag and open my pills bottle for my antidepressants,I knew once I got them in my system I wouldn't be like this.Ill be stable and emotionless,how I wanted to be I counted 12 pills and started throwing them back using the vodka .I knew I wasn't suppose to drink or smoke with them but I can't seem to care I started blasting music and drinking more I was 2/3 or the ways done with my bottle and I had four ciggerettes so I was going strong I started putting them out on my wrist burning the flesh causing it to bruise and blood was going down my arms I was crying and I stared in my mirror I was a mess my hair disheveled and not in its normal quiff it was falling into my bloodshot eyes.my lips where chapped an bleeding at the corner I was an insecure and neurotic mess who looked like his alcoholic mother and unfaithful father.I screamed and slammed my fist into the mirror it falling from the wall and the glass spreading to the ground.My hands was bleeding now.I looked at it not feeling the pain I liked i poured some vodka over it to clean.

I stood in silence I hate silence.I always have music or a tv or I'm talking I can't take silence,In silence the lies are heard my brain makes me remember everything I'm fighting to avoid ."if you look in the mirror and you don't like what you see,you'll find out first hand what it's like to be me." I stared at the cigarette burning.I heard the door open I'm still crying and my lungs burn and my head hurts an- I'm going to vomit.i heard someone calling my name as they walk up the stairs.My vision is turning black on the corners.

"Oh love" I heard a soft voice say my mouth tastes metallic and sour like I was going to vomit.I looked at the door and there stood cat.She walked to me and hugged me the music stopped "I'm gonna puke" I said my breath tasted like stale vodka and lost hopes."ok luke come here"she took my arm and lead me to the toilet where I leaned over the bowl "how much have you dranken?" She asked pushing my hair out of my eyes "one bottle of vodka" I choked out spitting into the toilet.

"Baby how much have you smoked?" She said rubbing circles on my back I was sweating and over heated,I didn't know I just held my arm up and she gasped at the burn marks "seven?" She asked and I nodded she stood up to turn on the bathroom lights as we where siting in the dark and the little night light didn't give that much light.Suddenly I started heaving and vomiting.The puke burned my throat,the acidic taste and lack of oxygen making my head swirl cat dropped down behind me on her knees wrapping my arms around my waist pressing her fore head to my back.I was crying and vomiting the medication out you could see the pills in the dirty toilet water ."shhh it's okay Luke we'll be okay everything can be okay"she said Softly once I stopped I was still using my forearms to hold my head above the toilet bowl I coughed a few times before weakly reaching up and pulling the handle to it and leaning back she unwrapped herself from me and helped me stand up and helped my lean over the sink I was shaking and trembling and struggling to grab my toothbrush I picked it up and tried putting the cinnamon toothpaste on it.my mouth tastes like alcohol and cigarettes it was bad.I started pushing the toothbrush around my mouth until my breath smelled ok.I was struggling to fill it and cat reached forward and she filled it for me .

I spilled a little on my shirt but you couldn't tell from the other stains on it she helped me to my room where she turned on the like and found a dark blue shirt and helped my pull the old white one over my head and she raced to the bathroom.I heard the faucet.She came back and started wiping the alcohol and blood from my bare chest she ran the washcloth over my stomach and V-lines ."you're pretty"she whispered and helped me pull on the shirt.she walked me to the bathroom and helped my sit on the sink counter.

"I'm just trying to hold onto what's left of me" I slurred out.She nodded and said I know and started washing me up she grabbed my bruised knuckles and my burnt wrists.She washed down my face than brushed my hand back I rested my forehead on her shoulder and my arms at her hips and around her lower waist.She then out eye drops in my eyes and took out my lip piercing dropping it into my little tray on the counter.

I was still numbed out when she brought me into my room and cleared off my bed and kinda made it up and laid me down on it and tuck me in and kissed my forehead."thank you" I said and fell asleep.

I woke up when I felt someone lay down next to me.I looked at the person still moving slowly and not completely cognitively functioning.It was cat and it was dark outside and inside of my room the lights where off I could tell she seriously cleaned the place and threw away everything.I pulled her into my chest and said "I think I could want you to be my boyfriend" i chuckled and and said "you chose the day I lost it to say that you're my girlfriend cat "I mumbled into the top of her head and went back to sleep.