Kissed By The Moon

CHAPTER 16: Fighter

Do you know how hard it is to try and be cool around someone that you are obsessed with? From the day I met her, I have hardly been able to fight the urge to make this beautiful specimen mine. Now she's in my office, with her delicious scent suffocating me, Eres panting like a dog in heat, and I'm doing my best to be very cool. Fighting the urge to invite her to have this little meeting on my lap.

This mate bond goes beyond what the books have said. This is more than a feeling. It's like a state of being. Sadness is a feeling, happiness is a feeling, but this? This is more than that. It's like I live in it. I'm happy in it, sad in it, consumed by it, controlled, nurtured and tormented by this overwhelming sense that assures me that I had only lived but half a life before I met Charlotte Odair.

Yet, despite that ache in my heart that tells me to step up, I keep walking away.

I'm going to stay, not for this stupid bond or this girl or this pack...

The words ring in my head and I almost wish I'd just minded my business that night, then this could have been beautiful, even if just for a moment. But alas, here we are, awkward and estranged, our nature fighting against itself; with one instinct wanting to submit to the bond and the other advocating for self preservation.

"Look," my mate starts, after a brief silence, "I guess first I want to apologise for training. I guess I'm just not used to fighting such elite warriors," she looks down with a sad expression that quickly shifts to determined when she says, "But I will get better, so you don't have to worry."

"That's the thing though Charlotte, I am worried," I confess, "I think until the foreseeable future, you'll have your training here until you're ready to go back," I say.

I expect at the very least a nod to show assent, but that's not what I get. Miss Odair looks... she looks hurt? But why?

"Okay Amari," she forces herself to say whilst holding back tears, "I understand that I've disappointed you and that I'm not what you expected or what you even want, but I can do better if you just let me," she begs, catching me off guard.

"Am I that embarrassing? That you have to hide me here?" her voice cracks and even though I don't know why she's upset, I can't bare to see it. I stand up and walk around my desk to her. I turn her chair around, kneel in front of her and raise my hand to wipe her now flowing tears away but I'm rebuffed.

"Charlotte, I don't understand what you're saying, who said anything about you being an embarrassment?" I investigate, still on my knees but keeping my hands to myself.

"You didn't have to say anything," she angrily wipes away a tear, "I know you left practice because I lost to that giant guy, now you don't want me to go back out there because you're too ashamed to watch that again!"

Now everything is making sense, even though it's all nonsense, it's nonsense that I can explain.

"Charlotte," I call, trying again to wipe her tears away and she lets me.

"I'm not suggesting that you train here because I'm embarrassed. I should have clarified," I say, letting out a sigh thinking about whether the truth will be any better.

"I meant that you will be training here, with me. I will be training you. And I didn't leave because you were losing or because I was ashamed of you, how could I be?  I left because I wanted to kill Zach and had I stayed until the end, I'm sure I would have. I couldn't stand watching him hit you, even if it was just training, and even if I know you weren't hurt and that you can heal. It just made me feel, I don't know, okay, so I had to leave. I wanted to give you space to train and be assessed without my intervention, but when I got home, I realised that I couldn't watch that every day. So, I thought training here with me will be better," I explain rather long-windedly, doing my best to be clearly understood.