𝐖𝐚𝐫 𝐎𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 - TMR, Gally

009 - Thank You

TW ⚠️: Suicide (attempt)

I hope everyone is doing well. If not, please try to find help or talk to someone. My messages are always open. Take care x

~

Finally. Finally, I could disappear. I never understood my own thoughts, but now I was sure. I would be better of dead. Newt would get over it easily and the others wouldn't even bother. No one wanted me here anyway.

Luke was gone. The only person that cheered me up enough. And now I could be with him, the only happy thought I had in months.

I wrote Alby a simple note the same night Luke had been banished.

Thank you for being my leader, Alby. Take care of everyone.

- Valerie

I decided to check up on a few last people. I found Jeff and Clint talking in the Med Hut.

"Val?" Jeff stood up and gave me a hug, probably feeling sorry for me. "You okay?"

I nodded. "I am now. Just wanted to say thank you for patching me up every time."

"Yeah, of course. That's our job." They smiled at me. I told them a quick goodbye and went on to Newt. That would be the hardest.

"You okay, love?" He asked quietly. I had broke down in front of him the second he said Luke was banished.

I nodded again. "Fine."

We sat down against the maze walls. The green ivy made it softer against my back. Newt hesitantly wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer to his chest.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Val. I really am." He assured with a low voice.

I smiled poorly. "It's okay, Newt. Maybe it is better he's, you know, gone. Less dangerous."

Newt stared at my face for a few good seconds, frowning. It scared me. "Have you been getting enough sleep, Val?"

Relief hit me once I easily came up with an excuse. "Yeah. Just not last night because of Luke."

I hadn't had a good night sleep in weeks. Or a meal. Or a real smile.

"But," I continued. Slowly I took my necklace off and held Newt's wrist. "I want you to have this, Newt."

I put the jewel in his hand and closed his fist around it, but he opened it right away again. His face washed over with confusion. "No, no, Valerie. It's yours. It's your favorite thing."

Tears stung in my eyes. Leaving Newt would hurt a lot, turned out.

"I want you to have it, Newt." I pushed it back again. At least he would have a faded picture of me.

"Val, I can't take th-."

"Just take it, God Newt!" I blurted out.

Newt stared at me, blinking a few times, confused and worried. But he did take the necklace and put it in his pocket. "You okay, Val?"

"I'm fine." I embraced him with a long hug, taking his smell up one last time.

The realization this would be the last time I hugged Newt hit hard, but it wouldn't change my mind. 

"Thank you, Newt. Thank you." I whispered, a few tears leaking from my eyelashes again. He slowly rubbed my back until I let go and wiped the tears away. "Bye." I gave him another weak smile, then walked off.

~

I watched Minho and other Runners jog into the maze next morning. It was very early in the morning. No one except for Alby, Fry and Newt were awake. That made me realize I forgot to thank Frypan, but I didn't have the motivation to go back and do it.

I waited about half an hour until ran into the maze myself, hoping to succeed the plan I came up with.

I sneaked in there fast. No one could see me. Once I turned the first corner, I gave myself time to turn around. The tall, grey walls shadowed over me, leaving me shivering from the cold breeze. The ivy here was even thicker and more.

A few lose stones lay on the ground. Cracks were in there too, but nothing too special. It was enormous, though.

Then I started running. I had to go far into the maze, so no one would find me in time, in case my plan somehow didn't work. And so no one could stop me, though I knew they already couldn't.

I ran for at least an hour, having the constant fear of bumping into a Runner, but that didn't happen, luckily.

The further I got into the maze, the thicker and longer the ivy was, and the more satisfied I was. I stopped in front of a very tall wall, which had ivy climbing up almost all the way to the top.

I grabbed one stroke of the plant and pulled, checking if it was as strong as I thought. Nothing ripped off from above. When I leaned back, trusting the ivy since I had chances of falling, nothing happened either.

I smiled; my idea would work. I took two vines in my hands and wrapped them around my wrists a bit. I didn't want to fall too early, of course.

And then I started climbing. It hurt my bruised hand a lot, but I didn't care. Some last thoughts of memories with Newt and Luke flashed in my head, making me drop some tears, yet it didn't stop me.

It would all be over now. Everyone would be happy. Gally's Builders could do their job easier. Jeff and Clint would have one less person to patch up everyday. Minho wouldn't be bothered by me. Alby wouldn't have to call gatherings after the Builders did something again. It was perfect.

I climbed as far as the ivy would go, not daring to look down. With my eyes closed, I leaned backward, fearing the fall wouldn't kill me. I removed the vines off of my wrists, leaned backward even more, took a deep breath, and let myself fall, not hesitating anymore.

A last flash of Newt and Luke's faces appeared in front of my eyes. And then it all went black.