𝐖𝐚𝐫 𝐎𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 - TMR, Gally

016 - Periods And Peanuts

Water. That's what I felt. That's what my lungs got filled with.

My wrists were stuck together. I couldn't tell if someone was holding them or if it was a rope, but whatever it was, it hurt enough to leave marks.

A hand clenched around the back of my head, forcing me to look down at the water. It was dark, the liquid. I couldn't see if it was stone or sand under it. Couldn't see if it was a sea or lake, it was just darkness. Deep.

I got pushed underwater right when I opened my mouth to talk. Water entered my mouth. I choked on it, gasping for air, but all I did was get more water. I tried to kick with my feet, but those seemed to be held together, too.

I tossed and cried, nothing worked. Then I got pulled out of the water again. Desperate for air, I gasp and coughed out the liquid. It felt like I would vomit.

Then I went under again. My tears disappeared into the water. My screams got interrupted. My begs stopped.

Blurred voices talked. My leg hurt. My throat ached. My lungs exploded. More blurred voices. I was turning crazy. Insane. Insane, insane, insane.

~

I woke up, bathing in sweat and tossing around with my arms. Winces left my mouth, but it didn't take long for me to realize it was a dream.

Of course it was just a dream. It was always just a dream.

I looked at my watch I had placed on my nightstand. It was in the middle of the night, I had to go back to sleep.

I hadn't noticed I was shaking before. Or that tears burned in my eyes. I refused to let them drop and just crawled under my blankets, pressing my eyes closed. 

~

I woke up by laughs and shouts outside. My first thoughts were; a fight, but that was not the situation, turned out.

I put on shorts and a green top, brushed my tangled hair, and rubbed sleep out of my eyes. Before I walked out of my hut, I looked down at my clothes. Shorts came over my butt, check, top didn't show my belly button or shoulders, check. If I would bend, nothing would show, check, if I leaned forward, nothing would show, check.

Sighing, I then left. The grass was damp, causing it to splash onto my bare legs. The laughs continued, but nothing was understandable until I got close enough.

"Come on, Dave. Read!"

I stopped walking by the sight of multiple boys circling someone. That must've been Dave. I leaned against the tree, wondering what was going on, and kind of wanting to hear what Dave had.

I regretted that last sentence three seconds later.

"Okay. Here I go." Dave let out a laugh. "Bullying ain't nice, it ain't cool. Just because I'm a ginger, you're so, so cruel. Are you really like this? Have you not got anything better to do? Or are you—."

No. No, no, no. That could not be happening.

The most humiliating scenario was happening right in front of my eyes. Dave was reading my- no. Shame let my stomach twist and my face turn red.

"—gonna treat me like gum on the bottom of your shoe? You're an idiot- you have made me cry. But that's not the case, not even my hut is a safe place. I see notes and feel like crap. It's like I'm stuck in some sort of trap. So I'm not okay, but I will say I'm fine. I make people happy and people fake their smiles. I might be faking mine. I've got love and support, just please own up. Please, please, please don't be like this." A pause. "Poem by-."