The following chapter can be quite heavy for some viewers. If you aren't feeling in the right headspace or aren't comfortable with reading about signs of manipulation and a stockholm syndrome like situation you are always welcome to click away and do something to make yourself smile :)
TAEHYUN POV
Once I left Yeonjun’s room I silently shut myself away in mine.
Tears welled in my eyes but with every move of my face I felt blood oozing into the bandage across my cheek. It was this moment that finally opened my eyes to how Beomgyu must have felt and also exposed me to the reality of the future of this place.
Yeonjun was looking for reasons to hurt us now. I’m sure of it. I had done what I did tonight before, he didn't care, but tonight he did.
Slowly I was realising that Yeonjun never wanted any of us except for Kai. The moment he came here the rest of us died in his eyes. We were no longer of any use to him.
He wants to get rid of us
He wants Kai, not me, not Beomgyu, not Soobin, not anyone he's had before.
Why doesn't he want me anymore?
Was I not good enough?
What does Kai have that I don't?
WHY DOES HE LOVE KAI?
Why would he give me safety and comfort if he was just going to rip it away?
I lifted my hand to touch the bandage. Part of me wanted to rip it off, show Kai exactly what had happened to me and tell him who he did it so he would finally leave, even if it cost my life in the end it will save Kai’s. Maybe it would make Yeonjun pay attention to me again? Maybe I could be his new Kai?
But
Another part of me wanted to smile. Yeonjun cared for me. He hurt me, yes, but he made sure I was taken care of and safe.
He wouldn't do that if he didnt care, right?
If he didnt care he would leave me there to bleed to death, he would leave me in pain, right?
He cares for me doesn't he?
Slowly, a smile crossed my face yet my eyes welled with tears.
Reality was conflicting itself.
My Love
Turned to Hate
Yet I was filled with Desire
But also Hatred
Why was I still Longing?
WHY?
“I know you can hear me. Why do you do this to me? I gave you myself. I never stepped past your rules or wishes. You made me feel safe and I thanked you for that. If I seem tempered I’m not, I'm missing what was once mine. I want to be your everything but I also want to be your nothing. Yeonjun, love me or kill me. Hate me, hug me. Poison me, kiss me. Stab me, protect me. What do I have that you don't want? What did I do wrong? You used to take me to the roof, you used to smile at me, you used to talk to me like I was someone to you. Why did he take my place?” I whispered, tears falling down my face.
He could hear me and I knew it
He could most likely see me somehow as well
He always seemed to see and hear anything
But what I also knew was that he wouldn't care
I wasn’t Kai
And soon enough, I'll be a corpse
I won't kill myself. I will wait for Yeonjun to place the comforting hands of death over my body. Then I may live in peace away from here. Maybe I will meet the others he's killed? Maybe we can create ourselves a new life in death. A peaceful life, a loving life, even just a normal life.
You might think I’m crazy, then we all are.
Deep down we are all the same. There is a piece of love for him in every body that has been in this place.
Beomgyu, the poor boy who even lost his tongue to him, loved him deep down in the innermost corner of his heart.
He is a killer but a romantic lover.
He should be my lover, there is NO other
If he loved me, maybe I would live
What would it matter if the others died? I'd have Yeonjun and I'd live again…
A/N
Well I don't even know what was going on when I wrote this chapter. It all felt like a big blur and now reading it back I'm wondering about my mental health status :')
But if you've ever experienced anything like this, this is not healthy. My last chapter hinted at manipulation from Yeonjun and I just wanted to say that you should NOT feel like this. Telling a trusted friend, an adult or anyone about a situation similar to this, can help get you out of a dangerous relationship. NO ONE deserves this!
Votes and comments are appreciated, I love seeing your reactions and feedback :)
I love you all so so so much so please look after yourselves <3
~ Author C
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Below the surface- YeonKai
FanfictionAre you feeling nervous? Does my voice deceive you? Does my voice lead you? I only want to become something to you Will you stay beside me? Just don't look below the surface You'll simply just live Or you'll die Into a place only few know, the true...
