Tessa's Home

Three

Tessa

When we get to the house, I almost start ugly crying right then and there.

It's exactly as I remember it.

The stepping stones leading up to the varander are uneven and hard to follow. The front door still has a red paint stain from one Halloween.

Even after all these years, nobody has bothered taking down the few Christmas lights strung across our roof, two stories high.

Apart from a car I've never seen and greener grass than I can remember, it's all the same.

As if it's been waiting for me to come back. As if time stopped here while I was gone, just so it'd all be the same when I came back.

I swallow the throbbing lump in my throat as we get closer to the front door, and my heart takes over.

All I feel is it's beat. Incessantly pounding in my throat and ears.

I feel like it's about to explode. With pure happiness or panick, I'm not sure.

But I'm itching to get inside. To see everyone. To touch everyone. To hear their voices and see their faces and to finally become a family again.

I've waited for this day for so long it seems impossible.

This moment. This second. This scene. This dream come fucking true.

On the other side of this door, my family is waiting for me.

Waiting for a small, innocent twelve year old that no longer exists.

Hopefully they'll accept and love me regardless. Obviously I'm no longer twelve or innocent, that much they should know.

Plus, they've all changed too. And I can't fucking wait to see how.

I want to scream as Tyler takes his time pulling out his house key and unlocking the door.

I almost shove past him and tackle the door open. But I control myself.

My nerves are taking over. My heart won't stop, and it's making me dizzy. My mind won't shut up, either, which isn't helping.

But the second Tyler opens the door, I go blank. My heart stops. My breathing, too. I freeze, no longer wanting to go inside.

I'm scared.

What if I walk in there and I'm... disappointed, somehow?

What if they hate me and I've convinced myself they don't?

What if none of them are waiting for me inside?

What if they didn't bother being here for my arrival, because they couldn't care less?

What if I'm left disappointed, because my stupid heart took over my head and told me all these great things?

Showed me all these perfect outcomes.

Gave me a hope I've learnt not to be the victim to.

Told me of impossible, stupid things that I could only ever dream about.

What if nothing turns out how I want...how I need it to, and I'm left feeling disappointed again?

But as quick as my mind thinks these things, they're gone.

Because they're all wrong.

I step inside and bite my lip as hard as I can, making sure this is no dream.

And it's not.

Everyone's here.

It's takes a second of shock and processing, but I'm lifted up and squeezed to death in my father's warm arms.