Caught in the Middle

Chapter 1

"Morning, Dr. Deluca." I look up from my phone when Dr. Hilliam enters his office, giving him a smile as a greeting in return. He walks over to the coffee station in the corner and ask if he can make me one as well. "Espresso, per favore?" He nods with his back to me and grabs another pod from the dispenser on his right. "Since we're on the topic of coffee, how did the coffee date with Nate go?" I silence my phone and drop it back in my bag at my feet before turning my chair to face him. "He was disappointed and hurt at first, trying to get me to change my mind." 

He turns around to smile at me, while carrying our cups over to his desk. When he's comfortable in his chair after taking his first sip, he tells me to continue. "I think once the shock wore off, he realized that it was inevitable. He could see from a mile away that Maya was still in love with me, and I don't know how long I would've dragged him along if he didn't bring it to my attention that Maya was still wearing her ring. I don't think I would've snapped out of it long enough to see how in love I still am with her if it wasn't for the events of that evening."

I blush when he gives me a knowing look. I disclosed everything that happened between the time I got my green card to the night we baked cookies together. I didn't spare any details when I told him about me trying to seduce Maya into meaningless sex and the terrible words I spewed at her when I didn't get my way. He understood why I was so angry at her and helped me look past my own feelings to see the pain I caused her. 

I admitted that I've been masturbating to the thought of Maya since we sat on the bench at the pier, which has increased ever since I started having fantasies about her in her kitchen. As someone who specializes in orgasms, it was getting on my last nerve that I haven't been able to reach one since I asked her to meet me in the middle. 

We worked through the fear that made me run from her when she was admitted to the hospital and about my feelings over her suicide attempt. He laughed when I told him where I hid our divorce papers and how jealous I was when I thought of Maya with anyone else.

"I will always be grateful to Nate for guiding me to the path I was always meant to be on." And for coming back to Seattle to set me free in order to pursue the woman waiting for me at the finish line. "The path to love and a family?" I glare at him because the only thing I've been refusing to talk about was my papa. "The path to Maya. She's all I want. I don't need a big family, or kids, or the white picket fence. She's enough."

He taps his pen on his desk while staring me down. Cazzo. This conversation was the last on the long list of things I had to work through to put my past behind me. We already talked about my resentment towards my father and his part in the trauma I endured. "Have you talked to your father since your trip to Italy?"

Getting to that part of the story that included my dad was as far as it went. I made it clear that he was someone I wanted to leave dead and buried in my past, so there was no reason for me to embrace him in the life I was trying to create for my present and future. "Non fare giochi mentali. You know I haven't." I refuse to get my hopes up that my dad will stay healthy and sane like he seemed during my visit in Italy.

I've witnessed it a million times before. He meets someone new, puts his best foot forward, pretends that he didn't burn his life to the ground. But as soon as he has you hooked on his lies, he convinces himself that he'll be better off without his meds and slowly sinks into the mania. Turning into a monster that snuffs out the tiny bits of love that started forming when he was mellow.

I couldn't blame his illness for the resentment I had towards him. No, the blame was solely his to bear. He hated woman, he hated my mom, and he hated me. Whether he was on medication, experiencing his extreme highs or falling into psychosis, I was never good enough for him. An OB-GYN in his family, a disgrace to his reputation and even more so after his pride and joy died. Andrea was the only one to ever have any kind of standing with him.