Caught in the Middle

Chapter 27

Something's gotta break, something's gotta give
I hope it ain't my heart, it cannot be my will
I'm gonna find a place, all that I desire
If it's the last road that I take, 'til I'm burning in the fire
I'm gonna find that sunrise

- Sunrise by Darren Kiely (https://open.spotify.com/track/6nmlu9nnuESorTFsl3HMfG?si=aa61852c2e294ed1)

I stand in front on Maya's door with my fist raised rearing to knock, but I let my hands drop to my sides. Will she even let me in if I asked, after giving her the silent treatment again for days. Ero un tale idiota (I was such an idiot), leaving her like that after our fight. It feels like it's all we've been doing, forgiving each other. At least we seemed to be in a better place after her team all came into the hospital to get their bloodwork done. My heart melted into a pathetic puddle when she punched her fist in the air after hearing me mumble how I love her too.

I'm glad I took the time to listen to Molly's advice and made sure she knows I'll always love Maya, no matter how infuriating she can be. When I got summoned to the Becketts' house the night before, I honestly didn't know how I was going to set things right between them either. My phone was filled with unsent messages to Maya. Replies to her apologies and pleas to talk to her, but I couldn't send it. Beckett took pity on me and his friend, by texting me updates about my wife and her mental health, making sure we didn't completely lost touch with each other during the cold war I started.

Molly lived up to the threat she made the day we met, by storming into my office with one of her FBI friends. The stunning brunette's poker face didn't falter once while I made us a cup of coffee and handed over my next patient to Jo. Molly enjoyed my nervous reaction way too much while her Special Agent friend filled me in on the killer they just apprehended in Washington. I gulped in fear when she told me how surprised she was to get a phone call from her dear friend with the name of a problem she needed help with.

That problem being me, of course. Luckily for everyone involved, Molly's expert observations told her that no one got too badly hurt this time and that our love is still burning like a wildfire. As it turned out as well, she never actually made the call. Sometimes I underestimate her dark humor but I still love her. She decided to give me one last chance to prove myself worthy of my wife's love, merely because my stubborn wife refused to listen to her advice and our friend was desperate to get us back on the right path. Especially since we've become great friends after the weekend at her family's farm.

Molly, Lara, Isobel and I have gone out for breakfast quite a few times now, gossiping and complaining about the immaterial things that bother us about our significant others. We've shared some tips and tricks over what to do in the bedroom, and even though Maya and I are still on a freeze out in that department, I have a list of things I want to try on her when the time comes. Molly also finally swallowed her pride and came for a consultation. She opted to try natural ways to boost her fertility before thinking of going to see a specialist.

Both Becketts are now on my very strict fertility diet, which is partly why we've been having breakfast together most days. They did however refuse to only have sex in her window of opportunity and our little group has been getting a play-by-play of every position they've found and tested. It was adorable to watch the enjoyment on her face while trying to expand their family, which is a vast contrast of the stress and disappointment I felt after every negative test myself. After our first try, Maya stopped enjoying the prospect of building a family and by our last try, it felt like my dream had become a chore for her.

I loved my new group of friends, but I still get moments where I will feel immensely jealous whenever Molly brings up trying for a baby, or Lara talks about her kids. I'm even jealous of Dr. Handsy and Jack's very hot and active sex life. Come posso essere geloso dell'ex di mia moglie? (How can I be jealous of my wife's ex?) Especially since I started feeling like less of a priority in Maya's life after this huge secret took up so much of her time. I missed my wife. The person she's become since I made the dumbest mistake, by almost giving up on her. I was so convinced that I had lost that part of her again when I confronted her, and she opened my eyes to just how much she's been keeping bottled up.