Caught in the Middle

Chapter 11

Carina stomps to our car, still seething from the green monster who creeped out as soon as Lara jumped into my arms. At first, I was so happy to see my friend again after she's been on holiday for the past two weeks, and yet still helped me plan this whole evening from a completely different state. The perfect evening, as it felt like until another woman gave me a hug. Now I have a very angry Italian climbing into my car, slamming the door shut with more force than necessary and giving me the silent treatment.

I look over the roof of my car and take a deep breath to calm the darkness that threatens to slither back into the back of my mind. I felt ten feet tall when Carina slipped her hand in mine and staked her claim by using our abbreviated last name. I couldn't even keep the smile off my face when Lara pulled her into a hug, after she and the rest of her family have made it very clear on their feelings towards my wife.

I was so happy that there was a possibility that my friends, who meant the world to me, could get along with the person I love more than anything. It was naïve of me to think that my two worlds could collide and that I'd be able to get everything I've ever wanted. A family who chose me and refused to let me push them away and the love of my life. But no matter how incredible our date seemed to be. No matter that everything we seemed to overcome in these last few months, Carina still can't seem to trust me.

If only she knew that when I was freaking out over tonight and wanted to call to cancel on her numerous times, Lara was the one to talk me off the ledge, and convince me to take a chance on love. She had to threaten Beckett and Jack to stay rooted on my couch while I got ready and drove behind me until I parked at Amelia's apartment building, to make sure I didn't run. I wouldn't put it past her that she came over to the restaurant to make sure that I actually made it there.

She's only known me a few months and doesn't even know me as well as Molly and Beckett, yet she still knew exactly how I'd react and prepared accordingly. Just because I'm all in with my heart, doesn't mean that the fear isn't crippling me to the core. I wanted to let it go but I just wasn't there yet, and after what happened tonight, I can't seem to not doubt myself. What if my fear is reasonable and something in the back of my mind is trying to tell me that I'm making a mistake?

For those few songs we danced together in each other's arms, all my worries seemed to float away. I was in top of the world, living in that cloud I've dreamt of in that single moment. I could feel the love, joy and peace around me and knew it was real. Only for it to come crashing down around me with the slamming of a car door. I've been working so hard over the past few months to fix this, to fix me and I'm still failing even when I'm trying my best.

I drop my head against the cold and wet metal of the roof before I open it to join the suffocating atmosphere in the car. The sound of the engine is the only sound as we drive out of the parking lot. I try to think of something to say but get interrupted by Carina giggling uncontrollably. "Devi essere amico di ogni donna meravigliosa di Seattle? Onestamente, Maya. Il nostro nuovo inizio non è già abbastanza difficile, senza che io debba rivendicare le mie pretese dietro ogni angolo?"

(Do you have to be friends with every gorgeous woman in Seattle? Honestly, Maya. Isn't our new beginning hard enough, without me having to stake my claim around every corner?) I drop my head in dejection and try to hold my breath so that hope doesn't take residence in its chambers. If Carina wants to stake her claim, does that mean we still have a chance at making this work? Or is this her telling me that I'm no longer who she wants, as I asked her to when I agreed to the date?

I probably should've told Carina that Mrs. Devous refused to let me leave her company before I learnt enough Italian to defend myself against her in-laws. When I asked her to teach me Greek instead, she gave me this offended look and told me to communicate with my wife in her own language first. Lara still laughs her ass off when I try to talk in Italian, but I now understood all the mockery between her and her mother-in-law. Who refused to give her blessing for their marriage until she learned her soon-to-be daughter-in-law's language. Mrs. D really is a force to be reckoned with.