The Boy

Three

Boy

Daddy was gone again. Which meant Uncle Clyde would be here soon. He'd been visiting me several times a week for a year and a half. After that much time, you would think a person would become used to a routine forced upon them. But I never got used to it. My chest still pounded with anxiety as hard as it did the first time. The sickness I felt in the pit of my stomach like I could vomit any second. The uncontrollable shaking. Consumed with fear. The physical pain I endured. The humility. And no one even blinked an eye at me. No one noticed how I withdrew into myself. In a way, it made what Uncle Clyde was doing easier. He'd get Daddy drunk and convince him to go home with women. That he would "babysit" me while he was gone. Nobody suspected a thing.

My bedroom door opened. Uncle Clyde entered and shut it behind him. I waited for his instructions. Sometimes he wanted to use my mouth, sometimes he wanted to use my body.

"Take off your clothes and get on the bed. Lay on your stomach, face down."

I learned to quickly obey, or he would hit me. So, I immediately did what he asked. The feeling in my stomach made me taste the bile that threatened to surface. I heard the rustling of clothes, and then felt the bed dip down behind me. Leaning over me, his hot breath on my neck and ear, he said, "Don't make a fucking sound."

I jolted awake, acutely aware of someone's hand on my arm. "Whoa, Jake. It's just me," Cash said with his hands held up. I sighed in relief with a breath I didn't realize I was holding. I could feel the sweat dripping from me due to my wretched brain that made me dream of the past. "Benny sent me to come get you. What the hell happened?"

Before I could begin to answer, he went over to where the rope was tied and unfastened the knot. He slowly let my arms down. Now that my weight was on my legs, my calves burned and threatened to give out. When my arms came down, it felt like a thousand tiny needles pricking me all the way down, and the blood flow started working properly. Cash released the hook, and I fell to my knees.

He started to unbuckle the belts to free my wrists. "I heard it had something to do with Katy."

"She needed help in her bathroom. The toilet was overflowing. But after, she wanted me to sit and talk with her."

His eyes widened as he looked up at my face. "Are you fucking serious? What exactly did he catch you doing?" His mind was getting ahead of itself.

I forced myself up and limped over to a square bale of hay and dropped down on it. I began to wonder how I was going to make it through the day. "Nothing," I exclaimed while pulling my knees up and back out. "I didn't want to stay, but she insisted. She made me sit on her bed. That's where we were when he came in. I got in trouble because I didn't have permission from John to go into the house. But I think the main reason was that I was in Katy's room. I tried to explain, but John wasn't having it."

I groaned at my sore muscles. And I knew as soon as I put my shirt on, my back was going to hurt. But I couldn't work without one today and have the sun beat down on my tender flesh. "Who belted you?"

I looked up and made eye contact. "Benny." He didn't like Benny almost as much as I didn't like him. Almost. "He hit me a dozen times, and John told him to leave me overnight. I have to piss so damn bad, but the bathroom is way the fuck over there."

"I'm not giving you a piggyback ride," he plainly stated.

I laughed, and so did he. I grabbed my shirt and eased it on and over my back. I flexed my fists, the feeling finally coming back. Cash helped me stand back up, and I walked slowly to the bathroom.

Another shitty day. My whole body hurt. I was starving. I wondered if I'd see Katy. She said she was going to try to sneak more medicine. I told her not to, but she seemed to only nod to satisfy me. If she didn't, it would be fine. I didn't want to risk the trouble. Last night was too fresh on the mind. But if I was honest with myself, I wanted to see her again. Seeing her in the barn last night was entirely unexpected. As many times as she's turned her nose at me, she felt guilty for my being in trouble? I should have just told her no and walked right out of her bedroom. But I couldn't do it. No, I chose not to. Because deep down, I wanted to stay and talk to her. However, it was pretty stupid on my part. My gut told me it wasn't a good idea, and I should have listened. My gut instinct is right about 99% of the time.

Around 1pm, I was still busy from running slower than I normally do because my back was beginning to ache. I was sweaty, making my shirt stick to my back, making the wounds sting from the saltiness and the feel of the shirt. I was moving square hay bales into the barn when Cash strolled in. He handed out a sandwich wrapped in a paper towel to me. I set the bale down and discarded my gloves.

"Thanks. I'm starving." I bit into the ham and cheese sandwich, and my mouth began to water from the delicious taste.

"I figured you would be. I didn't know if you were coming to get lunch, and when I didn't see you, I decided to just bring you one."

There was a moment of silence as I scarfed down my sandwich.

"I hate the way they treat you, Jake," Cash confessed, shaking his head with sadness. "You should take me up on my offer to get you out of here."

Cash had told me once about a year after working here that he would help me run away. I gave Cash every excuse I could think of as to why I couldn't. But the real reason? I was too scared of John. Of what he would do. He'd taken me in without question. Told me if I went with him, everything would be alright, and he wouldn't tell anyone my secret. In exchange for my labor and some livestock of Daddy's, he kept that dreadful day buried. If I ran away, he'd dig it up, and I'd end up a fugitive.

I shook my head. "I appreciate it, Cash. Really. But I have to stay here. I have a certain agreement with John, and I can't leave. Plus, I'm only seventeen. I'm still a minor which limits me to a lot of things." Cash nodded while in thought. "I appreciate your friendship. You're my best friend."

"I'm your only friend," Cash teased with a smile as he playfully punched my arm. Even though I was internally cringing at the skin-to-skin contact, I hid it and chuckled. "What's your agreement with John? As long as I've been here, I know he has something over your head. What is it?"

My smile dropped, and my heart started to speed up. I'd never told anyone. Never spoken the words out loud. The only two people who know are John and Benny. I wish I could erase that day from my memory, and never think of it again. I stared at the ground in thought. "Come on, man. You can talk to me. I'm your best friend."

"You wouldn't want to be if you knew." I hadn't meant to say it out loud like that. It just sort of came out. I looked up at him. His face was full of curiosity and sympathy. I swallowed, wondering what was going through his head.

"Jake, I won't think any less of you. I know you have a good heart. I'm sure whatever it is, there's an explanation."

I had the urge to tell him. To tell someone and see if this weight on my shoulders may ease if I were to actually talk about it. Cash knew I was contemplating whether to talk to him about it. He stood quietly, observing me. I looked around. We were the only two in the barn, and I didn't hear anything from outside that suggested anyone was close. I took a deep breath as I stared at the ground, and in a voice so low you could barely hear, I said, "I killed my father."

Cash's eyes widened, and I waited to hear his judgement. I knew he wasn't expecting something that serious. "Wow...that's...". He didn't know what to say.

"Please don't say anything to anyone," I pleaded.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise. Maybe one day you can tell me about it. But I've already been here a while. If I don't get back to work, Benny will probably come looking for me."

I just nodded, understanding his need to just get away from me.

"Hey," he said, to get me to look at him. "I don't look at you differently. I'm still your best friend." He smiled at me for reassurance.

Just then, Shawn's engine revved up loudly as it had parked in the driveway. Cash and I walked over to the threshold of the barn. "Man, I can't wait to hit that Powerball Jackpot."

I laughed at Cash. I saw Katy come out of the house. She was in her signature cut off jean shorts and flip flops. Today her top was a white spaghetti strap and flowy around the waist. I took in her shiny hair and bright smile. She then looked over directly at me with her piercing blue eyes. She raised her eyebrow as she smirked and then got in Shawn's car. He backed out, and he sped off.

"What was that smirk for," Cash asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know." It was as if she was being smug. Like her attitude was cold compared to last night. I guess that answers the question if she was going to sneak me some medicine. Oh well. She can keep the shit.

My mood was shitty the rest of the day. I don't know why but the thing with Katy was bugging me. What changed? Nothing changed, idiot. She's a bitch, remember?