Hearts Divided: A Mafia Love Triangle Volume 1

Chapter 21 - Blaze

Staring at the ceiling, I felt my head throb with pain, a reminder of the previous night's excesses. I should have gotten used to this feeling by now, but I hadn't. Every time I overdid the drugs and alcohol, I felt like garbage when I woke up. That's why I avoided being completely sober for a longer period of time as much as possible.

Closing my eyes, vivid images of her would pop into my mind. I was puzzled by my own feelings. I just wanted to piss off Cain; why was I haunted by thoughts of her?

My lifestyle involved sleeping with a different woman every night, never taking them to the same hotel. Then why, of all people, was I fixated on Scarlett?

The fact that she'd left before I did made me angry, especially since I was the one who let women know that our dates were only meant to last one night. Why did I feel so betrayed?

Turning my head to the nightstand next to the bed, I noticed that my things had remained still.

"Well, there goes my theory," I muttered, trying to muster up the motivation to leave the bed.

Upon seeing Scarlett with Cain, I had my suspicions that she was just another person trying to take advantage of his wealth. To confirm my theory, I purposely left a large sum of money in plain sight in my wallet, curious to see if she would take any of it.

My gaze shifted to the other side of the bed, where she used to lay. The unoccupied side was meticulously made, as if she had never been there. However, a hint of her presence remained in the faint fragrance of the linens.

I could always sense her presence, partly because of the distinct fragrance she wore that suited her perfectly. She had tried out different perfumes, but none quite captured her essence like this one did. The sweet scent of honey lingered around her, and despite my efforts to push away memories from my past, I couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia whenever I caught whiffs of her perfume. Certain aspects of my childhood were buried deep within me, and though I often tried to convince myself they no longer affected me, I was simply lying to myself.

Unknown emotions flooded over me, causing fear to grip my heart. All I wanted was to hold her in my arms again, to feel her warm skin against mine and hear her whisper that she needed me. But deep down, I couldn't be sure if her words were sincere or just a passing moment of desire. Still, I clung to the fantasy and chose to believe her. I had been with countless women before, both in relationships and one-night stands, but last night's encounter was unlike anything I had ever experienced, leaving me puzzled and full of questions.

The turmoil inside me was becoming increasingly maddening and I knew exactly how to quell it. Ignoring the crushing headache, I stepped into the shower. I couldn't understand how she'd managed to sneak in before I woke up, and the frustration made me punch the nearby wall.

My inner turmoil was unbearable, and the only refuge I had was within the walls of the nightclub that my younger brother and I ran together. I loathed the thoughts and emotions that consumed me, but at least in that space, I could find some solace.

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I found solace in The Sinners, not for the hedonistic temptations of women, alcohol, or drugs, but for the music that drowned out the incessant voices inside my head. Reluctantly, I shared profits with Caleb, but his help was crucial for my survival - especially after Cain had forced me out. I never felt any fondness towards Cain, but the promise of money kept us tied to our miserable arrangement. My animation company was on the brink of bankruptcy, and despite its dire state, I couldn't bear to see it fail.

I was perched on my regular stool at the bar, throwing back shot after shot as a blonde dancer took a seat beside me. I made an effort to act unfazed by her presence as she chatted with the bartender and eventually turned her attention towards me.

"You're changing them too fast", she remarked.

I lit a cigarette, aware that she was referring to Scarlett. However, I had no desire to talk about her with one of my former partners.

"It's nothing serious", I replied dryly.

"Are you sure? The way you were looking at her said otherwise", she insisted, taking a sip of her cocktail.

"No one asked for your opinion, Diane. You should get back to work", I said, dismissing her with irritation.

Her lack of reaction to my words was evident as she remained still in her seat. We both knew that she was a major factor in the nightclub's popularity.

"I like her. She's very pretty", the blonde commented, making me roll my eyes in exasperation.

She appeared to have more on her mind, but I grabbed her hand and guided her towards the office I shared with Caleb. Luckily, he wasn't there - not that it mattered to me. I hurriedly pulled her close and kissed her, and she didn't resist or object. I was seeking a distraction from my thoughts, knowing she wouldn't mention later that I was using her. However, despite our passionate kissing and caressing, I couldn't seem to find any genuine desire within myself. I longed for the intensity of the previous night, which had been yet another unprecedented experience for me.

"It's okay", she assured me, as if she could read my mind. "It's normal", she added, trying to console me. "Why won't you admit you have feelings for her?", Diane asked, slipping her bra on.

"I don't", I said bluntly.

My view on love had been molded by the wounds of previous romances. Love was an immense weight and a needless expense, in my opinion. I saw it as a futile pursuit that drained one's time and emotional strength. To me, love meant opening oneself up to potential hurt and anguish, which is why I never entertained the thought of being in a romantic relationship again after the heartache caused by Tiffany and Cain.

I preferred to be alone.

Despite projecting a façade of contentment, I battled with the concept of letting myself open up to love. My heart was guarded by an impenetrable wall, protecting the scars left behind by past betrayals. What was once a soft and tender organ had now become cold and calculated, weighed down by the pain of my past. My emotions were limited to feelings of regret, anger, and sadness.

I had accepted that I would most likely spend the rest of my days alone. The thought weighed heavily on me, and I could feel its suffocating presence behind me. Diane was one of the few people who genuinely cared about me, but even her friendship wasn't enough to fill the void in my heart. Our romantic relationship may not have lasted, but we still turned to each other for physical comfort from time to time.

"I'm going back to work", I finally said, as she nodded. "You should do the same".

After glancing through some documents related to the club and responding to a few emails, I made my way to my studio and immersed myself in work.