Embraced by them

15.

"You owe it to yourself to want more for yourself." - r.h. Sin

Carys...

Yesterday was amazing I couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate a graduation that was never suspected to happen after all that I've been through. I was supposed to be dead ya know? But God had other plans, and who's to say he made the wrong choice keeping me here.

I thought I had nothing, I thought that I was nothing. I hated the person I was. I hated the life I lived. I hated being so scared to stand up for myself but how could I. I was bullied and tormented at home so where was i supposed to learn. Where could I have learned what loving myself meant.

It took a hell of a long time but I did eventual learn. Or rather I am learning.

I've learned about myself and I am something special, that I am someone that is deserving of everything life has to offer. I just have to allow it and embrace it.

I have to be honest about my feelings towards myself and others.

Including my feelings towards them...

I'll be honest, having the Dobermans support me was truly heartwarming. I really didn't expect to be welcomed by Aria and Russels parents.

When everything happened they accepted me with open arms. I often thought it was out of pity and they just saw me as a helpless black girl with a skin condition, so why not be nice to her for now and just wait for the right time to get rid of her.

I didn't expect the continued support and love that they continuously give me.

I'm sitting in the living room opening all my letters and gifts from everyone at the party. I feel asleep last night before we could get to them, and it was on Isaac's lap.

Every letter made my heart swell even the simplest "we are so proud!" Because I never got to hear that growing up.

These feelings I have and are receiving are foreign to me. Yes my mama was proud of me but she was so out of it a lot of the times she couldn't tell me. Even if she wasnt high off the supply my dad made her take. When her body was healing itself and ridding the toxicity out of her.

She wasn't herself. I had to accept that and continue to try and keep us alive to get away.

My mama rarely had days where she was left alone to sleep and rest and actually be herself. And in those days were the days I enjoyed the most because I had her I had my mother. Honestly it wasn't until the last two weeks when things really got bad that she was actually her true self and took care of me the best she could, she was my mom again and it stayed that way until she took her last breath.

I know no one can ever replace my mother and I never want anyone too but I do want someone that knows how she would take care of her daughter. Someone that really knew her before my father ruined her life.

The only person alive to do that Is Aria and Russell. They knew her best and they've been damn good to me. I feel like apart of the family. Me not being blood related doesn't mean a damn thing to them and I love them most for that.

They haven't tried to change me or make me forget where I'm from or who I came from. They help me embrace it and hold it dear to me so that I never walk in fear of my life again.