𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

8.

Despite everything, despite every hurdle I throw at this guy, he still tries. He's fighting for every last breath he can try and grab. He's treading deep water, going nowhere, and he still doesn't give up. He's spent weeks fighting for things that are just fantasies at this point, things that will never come true. Yet this man never backs down.

"Are you coming with me or not?" Bax holds out his hand, throwing the last five minutes of conversation out the window.

"You actually came with a plan?" I look at him with hopeful eyes—because despite the heartache brought in by myself—maybe his actions will convince me he's not lying and I have always been the one he's wanted.

"No I just stalk girl's windows for fun." He rolls his eyes.

I go to comment 'the American ones you do' but he stops me before the words even slip. "Bring up Summer and I'm taking the offer off the table. This is a no Summer zone starting now."

I nod my head and slide my fingers between his. The walk is quiet at first. The tension of our talk lingering in the air. I wait to see if he'll break it, but he doesn't so I take a stab in the dark instead. "Can I ask you something?" My voice is softer than I expect. The question almost gets taken away in the wind.

"Yeah." He watches me as we walk. He's not even paying attention to where we are going. It seems like that doesn't quite matter. What matters is whatever I have to say. Nothing more.

"How did you see me?" My focus shifts to the pavement below our feet as we walk. I feel his eyes drift away from me as he contemplates his answer. I don't sense a sarcasm radiating off his body, so I can only assume he's searching for his truth.

"I spotted you one morning. I don't really remember how it happened. I remember doing a double take because I didn't really expect to see anyone. And I've checked every day since. You're always there. You always spot me and immediately look away like if you stare too long I'll notice. And I do, I've just never said anything. Didn't feel like there was any reason to." His feet scuff against the sandy pavement as we walk. The sound filling the quiet night with something more stimulating.

"Then why this morning?" I glance up at him, but he doesn't notice. His eyes focus straight ahead as he dives back in to concoct another well prepared answer he's probably filed away somewhere in that head of his.

"I needed a friend. You were there, even if you didn't intend to be there."

My feet halt as his words bounce around in my head like a pinball machine exists inside it. The words pinging off in random directions finally settling in a corner of guilt. I had made this all about me when he just needed someone, anyone really.

"Just any friend? Or specifically a certain fiend?" Bax tries to avoid connecting his eyes with mine. His vision is drifting to stars in the sky. He's probably wishing he were out there in the universe with one of them instead. But I reach up and run the back of my index finger along his jaw. A loving touch, a touch it seems like he's been desperately craving for a while. Because he gives in, tipping his head down in my direction, his eyes slowly drifting to mine.

"A certain one." He admits and the moment he does a heavy breath escapes from his lungs like he's been holding it in all night.

"This certain friend, do they kind of suck?" His eyes drift away, a contemplation playing in his features.

"I don't know the answer to that. But they can be a pain in the ass." His tone shifts playful just as it clicks what I've actually said.

"Baxter!" I whack his chest, shoving him away before quickly pulling him back toward me. "I obviously wasn't talking about that you shit."

He chuckles and wraps his arms around me. We sway slightly. And in this moment I know I never want to leave. I want to stay like this for as long as I can. I feel safe here. Like no person can take away the way this is making me feel. No one can tarnish it and burn it to the ground. This moment will always be pristine and untouched. Put up in the trophy cabinet of good memories.

"You want to talk about whatever you have going on?" My head rests against his chest listening to his heart thump inside. As my question settles, the thumping quickens.

"I'm alright now." His voice settles heavily in the air. Despite the words falling softly, they sink like a weight has been strapped to them. It makes me think that the situation isn't alright but the moment is. He doesn't want to cloud it with his pain.

"Well if it's any consolation, I'm sure this person is sorry for being a pain in the ass." I look up at him, losing the sound of his rapid heartbeat. A sounds that's spent the last few minutes singing me a beautiful song.

"How sure are you?" He tucks his finger under my chin, the touch lighting my skin of fire. It makes me feel alive. The fears washing away, but I don't know how long they'll be at bay.

"A high 9.9/10 probability." I smile kindly at him. The smile comes to easy. It's not forced or fake. It comes at free will, begging for his to follow. And it does.

"Any idea on how this person plans on making up for it?" I don't notice how close our faces have gotten until the final word slides off his tongue.

My eyes bounce toward his lips, then quickly back to meet his eyes. And as I look into his eyes to inside of who he truly deeply is, images of him and Summer kissing flood my memory. Every good second of our perfect time vanishes, like it never even existed to begin with.