𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

52.

◈ 𝒎𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆'𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗 ◈

"What did he say?" I ask Summer the moment she walks through the front door. I'm sat on the couch in the living room just waiting for her to return. I know mentally I should wait longer to be around Bax, but I can't deny what I'm feeling. My therapist has said if I slip, she's there to help me through it. I've been given the go ahead. I might as well take my first leap.

"You're tacky and he hates you." Summer plops down on the couch next to me. "But of course he'll go on a not date with you, and Ari and I."

My eyes widen at her. "Not date!" I scoff. "What do you mean not date? And what do you mean with you and Ari? I didn't ask for all of that." I groan falling hardly against the back of the couch. It makes a weak puffing noise and I want to flail my body around in protest. But I'm not a child, so I refrain.

"First off, I'm not letting you waltz back into each other lives diving head first when you don't even know how to swim yet." I roll my eyes at her. I am not upset at her because what she's doing is fair. I'm just annoyed this is how things have to be now. I want things to return to normal, but I'm not normal, and that's not how my life is anymore.

"And second, I don't think it's very smart to leave you two alone. You'll just end up sucking each other's faces off for three hours and you won't get to have a conversation, which you two desperately need to do. You need to ease back into being around him. We saw what happened last time you two were left alone." Summer raises her brows at me.

"You made us kiss. Yes. I vividly remember it. I can't stop thinking about. Yes, Summer. Thank you for rubbing it in." I groan, running my hands down my face.

"You're welcome for that by the way. I'm pretty sure neither of you gave me thanks for that one. Don't worry I'll pat my own self on the back." Which she does just before her phone begins to ring.

She takes it and looks at me, "go get ready for your not date Belle. You don't have all day." She shoos me off to take the call. I was clearly a hindrance to whatever the conversation was going to be about. I'll take slight offense to that, but won't dwell because I have a date to get ready for. That's right, it was a date. Fuck what Summer says.

I wanted to go on a date with my ex. Sue me.

I spend way too much time sitting in front of the mirror trying to get ready. I've never been one two wear much makeup. It takes too much effort, and doesn't give too many benefits to my appearance. The only time I really wear it is when I'm feeling creative enough to attempt stuff—or it's a special occasion.

Tonight was a special occasion but I only opt in for a light shimmery shadow and some mascara. I didn't want to feel like some other version of myself. I just wanted to be me. Simple me—a less complex version of myself. Because I was exactly that.

My outfit is what holds me back. I try on my entire wardrobe, but only feel the most like myself when I'm wearing something that isn't actually mine. I've selfishly been wearing Bax's clothes again. I didn't take any to the treatment center with me, so I've been getting my fix in now that I'm home.

"Are you almo—" Summer's question gets cut off by the mess scattered around my room. Yeah, it was like a hurricane had gone through my room and it was going to take hours to reverse all my damage. But that was a worry for another time. "What the—"

"I know." I crumble my body up on the floor. "It all sucks. I hate it all."

"Wear the button up of his you wore on Halloween with your black jeans. Tuck the shirt in all cute. It'll make him smile. Now hurry up we don't need to be late. You'll make a bad first impression." Summer scolds me, walking out of my room to leave me in my mess of a room. At least it was only my room, and not my mind.

I dig through the clothes on the floor and end up wearing exactly what Summer instructed me too. I keep the button that caused such an issue on Halloween buttoned up and exit my room to meet up with Summer.

"See, perfect." Summer motions to me. "Right Mom?"

Summer's mom agrees before wishing us a good night. She'd definitely be long tucked into bed by the time we arrived home. Unless she stayed up worried about me. I could see her doing that. But the longer it gets from my release out of the center, the more relaxed she gets. I hoped one-day no one would have to worry about me anymore. That was the goal at least.

We meet Bax and Ari at the restaurant. It's a little local place, small and quaint. Kind of perfect for the situation. I had a bit of butterflies roaming my stomach. Butterflies of excitement though. I was really looking forward to seeing Bax again.

I thought after that night of our kiss that I would crumble. That I had ruined absolutely all the hard work that I had point into my journey. But it didn't set me back at all. In fact, it pushed me forward. It showed me that I could be around him and doubt myself but still come out okay. My reactions weren't irrational. I thought them out. That was a step in the right direction.

The moment the boys come into view I beeline straight for Bax, practically jumping into his arms to greet him. He's startled by the abruptness, but nonetheless doesn't fight it. Instead he lifts me off the ground holding me tightly in his arms before gently lowering me back to the ground. "Hello to you too." He chuckles.

"Sorry." I blush. "I just really needed that."

"Don't worry, I did too." He whispers softly by my ear before pulling away from the hug. It felt good to hear him say that. Almost like a confirmation that all of this was worth something. That at the end of this all, I saved us from our downfall. Even if the middle got a little muddy. We were going to come out on top, stronger and better than ever.