𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

65.

Words have never cut so deep. He would rather mentally be not sound and at the risk of whatever the world may throw at him than be around me. Heard loud and clear. "I should get back to Max anyways." I sigh and head off to where he came from.

I don't actually leave. Instead, I sneak my way back into the bush, hiding like I used to do way back at the beginning of us. I'm sure he must've heard me in the silence of the night, but he doesn't acknowledge it. Instead he walks toward the water's edge and takes a seat near the shore. I only know because I can no longer see the reflection of the moon on the water's surface where his body sits.

I never knew how much damage I had done to him. Constantly using him to make myself better. Not until now. I always thought that I was everyone's welcome mat. But it seems as though Bax had beaten me there. First, Wren and Elo. Then, me. His track record set him up to never trust again. Not by anyone he cared about at least. He let Wren back in and look what it got him, a deeper broken heart than I had left him with.

I thought when he broke up with me that he was the one breaking my heart. But it seems like all along it was the other way around. I was chipping away at his heart slowly and methodically until there was nothing left for him to give. When there's no love left to give, there is no choice but to go your own way. That's exactly what he did. He tried to pick up all the broken pieces I had left him with. He tried to put himself back together on his own. But it seemed like it was never enough. I was like that annoying fly, constantly pestering him—even if I wasn't around.

"You can go now Maybelle." He says as he approaches. We've both sat our respective distances away from each other. Me waiting to make sure he's okay. Him trying to be okay.

I climb out of the bush and dust off my shoulders and body. Even in the dark I can feel his eyes locked to me. I'm not sure if he's watching because he wishes he could touch me again, or if he's trying to find me in the dark. Either way, the thought of him looking at me is a step in a direction that isn't backward.

"Where are you going?" I whisper, feeling a bit shy about being caught—again.

"Home." His voice is dry, hoarse even. Like he's been through so much hell, given it his all, and now has nothing left.

"It's dark, and late. You should stay." I step toward him, missing how comfortable he made me feel. It's lingering in the air even though I know he's upset with me. He still calms everything inside of me.

"I'll be fine." He takes off toward my home and I have to practically run to keep up with him. I tuck my fingers around his wrist to slow him, but he pulls away from my touch.

"Maybelle, please just give me space. Thank you for caring. But you have a boyfriend, and I am not ready to have you back in my life. I'm sorry that you've had to raise our son without me, but I can't be around you." He stops to look me in the eyes under a street light as he says words I wished to never hear.

"Ever?" I fight back tears as I ask the question. He picks up on it too. The way my nose starts to redden. The way my lip starts to quiver. The way my eyes shift to the sky to stop the inevitable from happening.

He steps toward me and wipes his thumb across an already escaped tear. "I will always love you but you've already made a life without me. You are happy without me. It seems we are both much better without one another." He places a soft kiss to my forehead and walks off. Away from my house, and off into the darkened street alone.

He wasn't happy without me. He had admitted that. He told me that he struggled without me. That he still thought of me. That he still loved me. Why would he walk away from me when he loves me? Why couldn't he fight for me? Why couldn't he let go of the past? It had been two years. We were both different people. Why couldn't he give me a chance to let me show him that?

Whatever the answer is, it doesn't matter because he's gone now. He's left me once again.

When I get home Summer's curled up with a silently sleeping Max on the couch. I let them be because if I even try to move him, there will be no sleep allowed for anyone. It was better this way.

I sneak into my room and let the tears fall. I climb into the shower and wash away my sins before checking my phone for the night. My boyfriend has left messages, wondering where I've run off to because I'm not at home where he expects me to be. I ignore his messages knowing only a fight will ensue if I respond. My mind had already had enough conversation for the day. My body was all tapped out.

As much as I want to sleep though, I toss and turn all night—what's left of it at least. I don't think I close my eyes once before Max's coos are heard in the living room. I sweep him up quickly off the couch and carry him out of the house before he has a chance to wake anyone.

He's quieter than normal. His voice isn't waking up the neighbors. Instead, he's babbling to me, quietly. He's looking toward the water, pointing and making grabbing motions toward the sea. But I don't take a step toward it. Not when I see a surfer out riding the waves and right away I know who it is.

"Not right now Maxy, maybe later when it's warmer." I pull him into my chest as wind picks up sending chills up my spine.

He jumps in my arms in what seems like excitement, but I have no idea why. He seems like a whole new child in my arms. By this point he'd be letting the world know he's alive, but not today. Today he was determined to do something and I guess my exhausted mind was going to have to spend the day trying to figure out why my son was acting like a whole new child.