𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

40.

Wren finally arrives, pulling the focus of everyone. It gives Bax and I enough space to slip outside. Despite throwing the party to spend more time with my friends, I've realized I'd much rather spend it with Bax. I've been avoiding him—not on purpose—I've just been consumed in life. I missed him, even if I had gotten him every single day.

"What's going on in that cute little head of yours?" Bax taps my temples. He's radiating a pureness, a love that felt so distant when things got so bad.

"Just thinking..." my voice trails, the rest of my thoughts getting lost somewhere between here and Mars. I was thinking about everything. How handsome he was. How innocently awful he could be. How kind and caring he's always been toward me. How much I just love him.

"About me?" His finger trails along my skin. It leaves behind a burn like he's striking a match against my skin. It doesn't hurt, it brings me a warmth I've been missing. The touch is tender and affectionate. He doesn't want to rip me to shreds. Doesn't want to use me like a toy. He wants me to feel like I am half of his whole.

I nod my head, my shyness fading back in. The shyness that existed when I first arrived had gotten ripped away the day this man confronted me. That moment 180'd my entire life. Everything changed.

"Care to share with the class?" He presses soft kisses to the bare skin on my neck as he waits for my reply. I giggle at the tickles he leaves behind, squirming around in his touch.

"Baxxy," I force out through them, "give me a minute." He stops, his eyes settling on me—full focus, ready to listen. "Just thinking about how much you mean to me. How much suffering I'd be going through if you hadn't approached me that day. I'd be home with my parents. I'd be drowning in sadness. I'd be regretting never telling you that I liked you. There's a lot going on in there."

"There always is." He kisses one cheek, and then the other, before giving a final one to my lips. It's swift, but full of so much love.

"I think I want to take you to my home." I let a heavy pause settle in the air between us. Because home didn't exist anymore. My parent's things, my things, Max's things were all packed up and shipped off to who knows where.

"Why?" Bax's tone is questioning, and it stings. Why did it matter?

"Because you've only known half of the story. You'll only ever know half of the story until you walk a day in my shoes." I drop my head to his chest. His arms instinctively wrap around me, and even though his tone makes me want to shrug him off, I don't.

"Do I get anymore explanation?" I shake my head slowly, but immediately. I couldn't explain. I could only show. He had to be there to understand. Words meant nothing when the visuals showed so much. "Okay, then you can show me. Whenever, wherever, I promise."

"I haven't told anyone I want to go back." I sigh. "Not back back of course. I just... Max has been gone." I motion in the air. "I feel like I've done something wrong, or maybe I've healed the pain for him to finally cross over. Either way I have to go back and find out."

"Is that why you've done the party? You didn't do it to ignore me?" Bax jokes, and it causes a smile to break to my face, even if he can't see it.

"I'd never ignore you." I squeeze my arms around him. "I did need the distraction though. I think it's why the nightmares have been so bad lately. Max on my mind a lot."

"You know your nightmares aren't about him?" Bax's voice is so soft, I barely hear him. Honestly, I'm questioning if I have even heard him right. What did he mean they weren't about Max? They were always about Max. "Not anymore."

"I'm sorry?" I look at him, questioning everything I've ever known. I went through them. They were about Max. They have always been about Max.

"You scream my name now." I see tears starting to gloss over Bax's eyes and I can't help but feel them forming in mine as well. My vision is going blurry. And before I know it Bax is doing his best to wipe away the rapidly falling tears. His hands cupped around my cheeks as if there were buckets filling with sadness.

"No..." I tremble out.

"I think you fear losing me May, and its manifesting in dreams now. I'm not leaving you, I swear." He plants a wet kiss to my lips. It's a salty mess and if someone were to walk out here I'm sure they'd think someone died.

"I'd kill you before I let you leave." I wipe my face with the bottom of Bax's shirt. His eye's drift to the bare skin, he can't help but stare... he loves me.

"Honestly May, I don't doubt that." He chuckles. I reach up dab the mess up from his face. "But that's not the only reason I'm saying. I genuinely care about you. I love you. I don't want anyone else."

"Even with my craziness?"

"Especially with your craziness." He picks me up and spins me. "Now what do you say about enjoying the party you put on instead of moping out here with me?"

"Do you just want to show of your sexy girlfriend?" I strike a pose, and we both laugh at our stupidity.

The nightmare conversation will be shelved to another time. There was a lot to unfold there. Bax was right, I should go enjoy the party I busted my ass on. I shouldn't be out here moping about my dead brother and going home to a home that doesn't exist.

So instead of continuing our pity party, Bax parades me around like I'm a fine piece of meat. Which I am... but only to him.