𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

67.

◈ 𝒎𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆'𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗 ◈

Bax has always been able to read exactly what I'm feeling. After two years apart, I didn't think that bond was still there—apparently it is. When I'm lost for words as he fills in the blanks for me, acting like that's just a normal thing people do. It's not. My boyfriend didn't do it. If he did, he wouldn't have just gotten pissy at me in middle of a cafe full of locals I have to see more than once a week.

"I know how I should feel. But I don't feel that way, and that's the problem. Well, it's not that I don't feel that way." I start to ramble and he watches me intently. It's the most attention I've been able to get out of him and honestly, I think that Max is the only reason I'm given two seconds of his time.

"I love my boyfriend. But I'll always love you. And you're here with Max treating him how I've always pictured it in my head. It's like we could be a perfect family in some other realm and it's like I wish it were all different." I sigh looking away from him. I can't take the serious look on his face anymore. In a way, it feels like he's pitying me and that's the last thing I want. I would rather him hate me.

"We could have you're right." His hand grazes against mine as we walk and it's like fireworks ignite in the sky. It's a feeling I've missed. It vanished when he left and nothings been able to replicate it since. He doesn't even try. This was just an accidental graze and my body is reacting like he is making love to me.

"Maybe in another life though." He stops and looks at me. I don't notice at first, but when I finally do I take the few steps back toward him and stop just in front of him.

He leans forward and places a gentle kiss to my cheek. "I see Wren." He motions toward his sister across the street. "I'll grab my phone later. I really wish you the best Maybelle."

He places an identical kiss to Max's cheek before handing him over. By the time he's crossed the street, Max is letting about the loudest ear piercing scream I've ever heard. My cheeks instantly go red. I'm embarrassed as all eyes latch to me.

My focus instantly shifts to Bax, his eyes meet mine and he's back across the street in seconds. The moment Bax lowers to Max's level the cries have stopped, his voice going quiet. "Little man no need to scream. Be a nice little boy for Mommy."

The way Bax runs his finger along Max's cheek makes me wish he'd stay. I'd leave my boyfriend to witness this every day. Even if I couldn't ever get Bax to myself again. I would give up everything if it meant being able to watch this man go soft for our child. He's so tender and loving. It's no wonder I fell so head over heels for him.

"It's all he ever does." I look at Bax, bouncing Max on hip even though I know it's not what's soothing him. I have to look like I'm trying something.

"You were patient with me." Bax shifts his eyes toward me. "Be patient with him. He's new to all of this." He motions toward the world around us with a swirling motion of his forefinger.

"If you walk away he'll start again." I warn Bax. "I feel like it's a lot to ask but you can you walk me home? At least there he can't ruin anyone else's day."

"The more time I spend with you May the more trapped I get. I can't get into this cycle with you again. I can already feel myself slipping. The love I have for you is too overpowering and little man here, he's making it hard to not sweep you up and make you forget about the man who is yours." Bax confesses feelings I didn't know he was having. He's been so shut off that I thought it was because there was nothing left. Not because he was feeling things he clearly didn't want to feel.

"I get it." My face drops and I say nothing more. I start walking away and once Bax doesn't follow the screams erupt again and all I can do is walk and hope that I'm not the talk of the town.

It was easier to not face the reality. I didn't want to think about anything Bax had said to me. He had drawn a clear line in the sand. So when I get home I gather all of his old clothing and neatly tuck them into a bag. I unplug his phone and set it gently on top, setting it all on the porch when I'm done. It's not to be petty. It's to stop the pain I'll feel if I watch him walk away again. I couldn't go through that. It needed to be on my terms or I would spiral again. I was going to raise our child alone and a part of me was a bit angry that Bax could walk away from our nearly perfect son without feeling an ounce of guilt.

"Woah, what's going on?" Summer enters my room as I slide Max out of a dirty diaper and into a new one.

"I'm sorry?" I question as I slide his pants back up his legs.

"You've packed up all Bax's things and put them on the porch. What did I miss?" Summer's face is full of question. And I have the answer, but it's too long winded and honestly, I really do not feel like talking about it.

There's a knock at the door that's stops me from having to answer the question. "May, it's for you." Summer's Mom calls out and Summer takes a quiet Max from my arms.

"Yeah?" I peak my head out my bedroom door and see Bax standing in the door way. This is what I was trying to avoid. I race across the hall and step outside with him. "Your things are there." I point to the bag.

"Don't be cold with me May. Please." He reaches to pull my attention but I bat away his hand before he can reach me.

"You made it clear that you need that. I'm only doing what you've asked for. You can take your things and go back to your life. I'll give you updates on Max if you want. Other than that I think we've both said all we need to say Bax." I cross my arms against my chest.

"Fuck me." Bax runs his fingers through his hair as he walks away from me. It's clear he's not upset with me. This whole situation is fucked and I don't know if it's all my fault or the combination of the two of us.

"I have in the past, it's what got us into this situation." My sarcasm is meant to lighten a bit of the mood but I don't think it does. It only earns a glare from Bax in return.

"Let's be honest with ourselves Bax, if Max wasn't here you wouldn't be contemplating anything. You wouldn't be struggling with anything. No thought of us happening again would even exist. So let's leave it at that. You don't want me. And I'm fine with that. I've raised Max alone for over a year, I can do if for the rest of my life alone as well. I'm an big girl." I go to step inside, but turn to give him one final look before reaching for the door handle. "Wish you the best."

As I go to shut the door his hand juts out to stop me. "I don't know what to do May!" He exclaims.

"Go back to your life and I'll go back to mine. Nothing changes." I try to shut the door again but he still doesn't let me.

"You've already weaseled your way in Maybelle." He raises his voice, a clear frustration raising the more I try and send him off. He's not mad at me. He's mad at himself for letting me in again. He's fought me off this entire time but nothing's stopping the feelings from coming back. Because they never left to begin with.

"I've already made the decision for you Bax. Go." I motion toward his car, where his sister sits in the front seat waiting for him.

"I can't!" He pushes the door from my fingertips and crashes his lips into mine. I hear audible gasps behind me and I know that they're Summer and her mom but I don't even care because no matter how many boyfriends come and go, this man will be the only one who ever really matters.