𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

41.

I spend way too many hours trying to convince Summer's mom to let me go back to New York. She says she doesn't want to return, too much business to do here now. I fight tooth and nail for it though. I tell her it's all I want for Christmas. Which still might be far away, but I'll take it if it gets me there.

Eventually I win the battle. I slither my way in and make all the compelling arguments I can. New York had been my home. There was no reason to not trust me there. There were people I could run to if need be, though it wouldn't be needed. At first I opted out of telling her that I was being Bax along for the ride, but I accidently let the cat out of the bag. Surprisingly though, she thought it was a good idea. A man to keep a woman safe. Even though I'd be the one keeping him safe without a doubt. He was going to be a little fish going into a big pond. One I could navigate and one he'd definitely struggle to.

As the day approached, nerves filled my stomach. We had been in New York for a few days. I spent most of the days showing Bax around all the tourist places he chose to visit. Seeing his face light up at all that New York had to offer made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. That was needed too, because it was freezing here.

I never thought that I could love Baxter anymore. I thought that I had learned all that I could to make me fall for him. But seeing him bundled up like the Michelin Man had to be my new favorite thing about him. His red nose, the beanie covering his head, his puffy coat. The way he sniffled in his running nose. Gosh it was magical.

At the end of every day we'd go to a local café, order a hot chocolate, bring it back to the hotel and snuggle with each other. The beginning of this trip was about appreciating the little things. Distracting my mind long enough to not get trapped in the spell that this town always brings.

"So..." I trail as I tie up my winter boots. "I'm going to where I grew up. If that's okay." I look up at him hesitantly. With the sweetest smile he agrees. He's been overwhelmingly soft since we've been here. Almost like I've taken all the evil out of him and stored it deep down inside of me for the keeping.

The walk isn't far from our hotel. It takes about fifteen minutes. We definitely could have gotten here quicker, I just wanted him to experience life how I used to live it. As we stand outside the building I grew up in, a part of my heart cracks to the pavement below us. "This is it." I sigh.

"I can see it." He looks between the building and me. "Little you running around the streets, up and down the front steps. Wreaking havoc with Max." He smiles at me. "Definitely how it's shaped you into who you are."

"I wish I could show you inside." I shrug. "Have one last look at Max's room. But all that's gone now." I drop my head on his shoulder, my breath creating white clouds with every breath I let out.

"Did you find out from Summer's mom where all your stuff ended up?" Bax wraps his arms around me. Both to create warmth for our freezing bodies, but also to support whatever answer is about to leave me.

I nod my head. I had an address, I just wasn't ready to go there yet. I wasn't ready to physically hold my past between my fingers. That was going to take a lot out of me. The rest of this trip was going to take a lot out of me. But it was slowly settling in that it was happening, it had to happen. I needed to move forward.

"You want to know a funny story?" I giggle to myself as I look toward the metal fence surrounding the steps. Little pokey bits stuck up from the top, they were a recipe for disaster.

"Always." He chuckles.

"When I was about five—Max six—we used to fool around on these steps." I motion toward them, quickly pulling my arm back into us to stay warm. "Max convinced me that we could fly. He said he did it right here off these steps."

I start giggling to myself as I tell the story. "Believing my big brother, I climbed myself right up, as high as I could go, right onto the top of the spikes, each foot balancing on one."

"Oh no." Bax tries to hold back a laugh that's starting to grumble in his chest.

"But little five-year-old me didn't have one good balancing bone in my body. So I started wobbling, trying to steady myself. Max watched me carefully, trying to decided where he had to stand to catch me." I'm teleported back to the memory, its painting so vividly in my mind that I can still perfectly smell what the air smelled like that day.

"I knew that grass would be softer than pavement so I aimed for that, of course. I was dumb enough to climb, not dumb enough to crack my head open." Bax legs his laugh flow, but only lightly. "Max runs to catch me. I fall, like a graceful ballerina. But the landing isn't so graceful. We end up in a pile of dog shit. And now just like a little pile of dog shit. I mean I swear my parents were digging it out of our ears. It's like we had bathed in it."

"Leave it to you to fall in a pile of shit." Bax's laugh fully breaks.

"On top of that I scraped my leg on the metal spike on the way down. Needed two stitches. So imagine the doctors faces when my parents being two children covered in shit to the hospital." I shake my head as a shiver goes through my spine.

"No way they took you both covered in shit."

"Oh no. Yeah they definitely did. Apparently it was a lot of blood and they fear more about that then cleaning us up." I chuckle to myself. "I'm sure we were known as the shit family by anyone who had to deal with us on that day."

"Now that's embarrassing." Bax kisses the top of my head with his teeth chattering.

"Let's go into that little café over there." I point and start dragging him toward it. "They've always had the best breakfast options. This is the place we got togo two when our parents wanted to spoil us."

We shuffle into the café and order a small breakfast and a warm drink. I get a bagel and Bax grabs a breakfast sandwich of some kind. I can't stay focused long enough to hear what he orders. The coldness and what I have planned is weighing too heavily on my mind.

"So what's the plan after this?" Bax asks after taking a big bite from his sandwich. I can't help but giggle from how cute he looks with such full cheeks. Men just couldn't eat like a normal person, they had to shove as much in their mouth as they could.

"We've got to take the subway to a friend of Summer and I's. We're going to borrow their car for a drive." I stare out the window, watching the cars slowly pass by the crowded street. "It's about a thirty-to-forty-minute drive, depending."

"You can drive?" Bax looks at me, questioning how I could even be comfortable behind a wheel after almost dying in an accident.

"I trust myself. I don't trust others. I won't get in a car with anyone I don't trust. And I don't trust many people anymore." I shove the bagel in my mouth to avoid the talk of this anymore. If we continue down this road, the bagel would end up going to waste.

After finishing up our food, we take the short commute to my friends. When my friend walks out, I feel a jealousy fill the air. Just looking at Bax I can tell there's a rage starting to brew in his chest. It's starting to bubble, if this lasts too long, he'll bubble over and there's no stopping him then.