𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

10.

Never?

My mind sifts through every idea that could possibly make him sink into his shell. I focus on his expression, my feet coming to a halt. I trace every line, every mark, every inch of his face looking for something, anything to give it all away. But his face is stone cold. He's not upset. He's not angry. He's not happy. He's just... Bax.

"Gotcha." I whisper. I mean for it to come out confident. I mean to portray that I'm okay with him holding back. But I'm not, and it leaks out in my unconfident tone. I don't think I'll ever get better at lying. I'm no Baxter Radic.

"Oi, hey now." He picks me up and spins me around. It's an attempt to flip the frown on my face upside down. It almost works, but he sets me down and cracks before his tactic works.

"It was Wren." Bax reaches up slowly and tucks fallen strands of hair behind my ears. "Sometimes even when people are shit you still care."

"She what had you needing a bit of company this morning?" He shrugs off the question but I know the answer without a response. It's a yes. His dropped expression foiling his attempt to not look hurt.

"I know you're always trying to act all big and bad, but you know what one of your most redeeming qualities is?" I raise my brows, as he answers my question with silence. "It's how soft you can be with people you care about. You notice everything."

"Come on." He ignores my words, it's as if he's checked out of the conversation before I even questioned him. It annoys me at first, but I let it all slip away as he starts to run. I take two steps to his one and by the time his feet stop I'm heaving for air. I didn't sign up for exercise. Next time count me out.

"Why have we just run" I try sucking in as much air as I can before I continue on speaking, "half way around town" I fight for more air, "for nothing." I huff, dropping to the ground.

"For nothing?" He hovers over me, not even struggling to breathe at all. I guess that's why he's the athlete and why I've never touched a sport in my life. "It's never for nothing Maybelle."

"You've remember my name. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten." I cough after the words leave my lungs. Tell me never again to chase after this man. I think I'm dying. Yeah, definitely dying.

"Oh shit you're right. Definitely got the wrong girl. Sorry, I think you might need to run back." He holds his hand out for me to take in order to help me up off the ground. I don't reach for it though. This ground is very inviting for my now exhausted body.

"I will kill you, and feed you to the sharks." He goes to interject. "When I'm not dying myself!" I raise my hand up in protest, but he takes it as an invitation to lift me to my feet instead.

"I think the lack of oxygen is killing your brain cells." He knocks his knuckles against the side of my head.

"Very funny." I narrow my eyes, a mean mug forcing its away across my features.

"I know. I'm a pretty funny guy aren't I?" He smirks. The stupid smirk that wrapped me up in its spell the first time I laid eyes on it.

"Hilarious." I roll my eyes and cross my arms against my chest.

"Remind me to never make you run again." He raises his own brows at me, fearful of what ammo I have coming his way next. It's my sarcastic words now. It might be rocks next. He better watch out, I might turn into a delusional force he does not want to reckon with.

"Gladly!" I exclaim, the word falling like it would from the mouth of a drunk person. I think I've actually gone crazy.

"I think I broke you." He puts his back toward me. "Get on." He chuckles and braces for the impact of my jump.

Though I don't think he expects the most uncoordinated jump of his life. In one swift motion we both go from standing to a mangled mess on the ground, a tangled mess of limbs.

We're belly laughing on the ground from my stupidity. It gives us every opportunity to forget why we've run all this way to begin with. Bax to escape his family. Me to escape mine.

"You had no plan did you?" I ask, wiping tears from my eyes.

Bax shakes his head no in response. "Couldn't confess that I just wanted to save you. You wouldn't have believed me. You still don't." The knife he shoves in me doesn't hurt, because all he's stating is the truth. "So instead of confessing, I've done everything I can think of to distract you."

"Was the kiss a distraction?" The worry that this was all just a game creeping in all over again.

"Of course, but not for you." He chuckles, he knows I'm starting to spiral again. "Maybelle, stop." And I do.

"Okay..." my voice trails but I really do stop.

"No more walking in circles." Bax sits up, but I don't move. I just shift slightly on the ground to get a better view of his face. He's staring off into the distance, his eyes focused on headlights across the way. "I can see when you get lost in that head of yours. You completely check out."

I nod my head, but he doesn't see it. I also don't make another attempt for him to. He knows me well enough to know that I agree. How could I even start to disagree, we both know it is true.

"I told you earlier this was a Summer free zone. I've let you slip a few times because I get it. But no more. I want to be here with you. I want to be distracted by you. And I don't want anything else right now."

In that moment, as his words ring through my ears, I realize once again how unbearable I have been. I have been the worst counterpart and companion. I've been nagging and stuck in this loop of the same shit over and over. This needs to end here. I either had to choose to forget the past and move forward here. Or I had to choose to stop this before my heart sunk even more for this man.

I deserved my own Ari. My Ari could be Bax. Summer took the risk, maybe that's what it takes. You'll never know until you try. I've already invested so much time into him. I've spend hours of my time—my vacation—wrapped up in the hurricane that is what he brings, what I bring. Although the mess it brings it's scary, tonight has proven that the good times are worth it.

The fullness that fills my heart when we are effortlessly just being ourselves is all the answer I need. Or at least it's all I thought I needed. That's until my eyes catch a shooting star, flying through the sky. It's the affirmation I need.

Ever since my brother passed, whenever I'm feeling lost, looking for direction, I sit outside and stare at the sky. I wait for an answer in hopes he's listening. Every time I've found myself lost—questioning a decision—he shows me exactly what I've thought all along.

Shoot for the stars, if it fails, he will inevitably be there to catch me in whatever symbolic way he can. The choice was made. Forget the past... there could be greatness here if I just let go. So let go I must.