happier than ever

chosen truths

𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖔𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖘 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊

♡

punz knows he is bisexual.

he has known it for a very long time and he came to terms with it not long after figuring it out. he just hasn't told anyone yet.

he worked out his attraction to men at around the same time as the couples in his friendship group got together and, stupidly, at the time, he had thought that coming out would seem as though he was trying to copy them, or just lying to fit in. so he kept it to himself for the time being.

the only reason it's still a secret is because so much time has passed and now he can't seem to find a good time to spit it out. it's been a 'secret' of sorts for so long that it feels like it should be a big deal to tell people now, even though the premise of coming out doesn't really feel like a big deal to him.

he has considered telling his dad a million times, because it's the kind of thing that most people innately want to share with the people closest to them, and there is no one that he loves as much as his father, but he hasn't been able to.

punz is terrified of the thought that he could catch his dad at a bad time, when he's drunk and angry or had a bad day, and he'll receive a bad reaction to coming out.

his dad won't be mean about it, because he isn't like that, but he could be dismissive, and punz thinks that would hurt just as much. it's become such a big deal in his head that the idea of his dad not caring makes him feel queasy.

in punz's mind, he has somehow convinced himself that he might not ever have to tell everyone. if he ends up with a girl, then why would anyone ever need to know he likes guys in the first place? it only feels essential if he has to introduce a boyfriend to the people close to him.

punz also knows that he forms weird attachments to people.

he blames the death of his mother and the push-and-pull relationship he's grown with his alcoholic father for the fact he can never seem to adequately like people. if he makes a friend, they immediately become everything to him.

people are a huge part of punz's life and the premise of losing anyone makes him want to cry just at the thought. usually though, the initial connection is difficult for him.

he struggles to find a link but when he does, it's there for good.

all things considered, punz knows that it's embarrassingly early to be reconsidering his 'only come out when i have to' rule.

he and foolish have been messaging constantly. like, from the moment he wakes up to the second he sends a final 'goodnight x' to the brunette, he is circling in punz's mind. it's embarrassing, but he can hardly focus on his quick attachment when his brain is hyperfocused on their every interaction instead.

it started because punz was asking about the contents page. he knows how they work, of course, but he wanted an excuse to message the mysterious male from the library and that's all he could think of. after that, their conversation never ended.

he's starting to notice things too, like the way they both subtly flirt through their messages or the way that he keeps finding himself smiling at his phone.