happier than ever

sweeter dreams

𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖔𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖘 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊

♡

sapnap takes his meds from his bathroom cabinet and quickly swallows back three, knowing that they're his only hope of being able to sleep tonight.

tonight will be his first night away from karl since that night and sapnap honestly thinks he's become more dependent on the other than karl has of him. the thought of sleeping away from karl makes him feel queasy, desperate to stay close to him and keep him endlessly safe.

karl wanted to sleep alone though, desperate for some space now he is out of the hospital, and sapnap didn't want to deny him of that one thing.

plus, he knows not to be worried since karl's room has been literally suicide-proofed and his mother knows about everything. it's safe to say that he would struggle to be a risk to himself right now, though sapnap genuinely believes his boyfriend is too tired for that anyway.

sapnap makes his way out of the bathroom and retreats back into his bed, snuggling tight under the covers and stifling his groan when the space around his feet is all cold.

karl's mom and sapnap have both strongly disagreed, but the brunette practically demands that he returns to school on monday. it seems too soon for sapnap's opinion, but he's not going to tell karl that he can't make decisions about his own life. the ravenette thinks, since karl wanted to die, he has to be able to dictate how he lives - anything to make him happier.

karl's plan is to have everyone around his house on the weekend so he can tell them all what happened, and he seems to be under the impression that will mean everything will go back to normal next week.

sapnap thinks that karl doesn't realise how hard that conversation will actually be, and the strangling fact that things won't be the same. maybe on the surface, their friends will be able to mask and act how they did before but, deep down, thoughts will change and everything will shift.

of course it will, when no one will be able to say, 'oh my god, i'm going to kill myself,' without being drowned in guilt and most likely apologising for the word choice right after. sapnap has had plenty of time to practice how to speak and act with someone he knows is fragile, everyone else will have to learn in record speed.

sapnap is honestly just worried about all the added stress that it will put on his boyfriend. the whole situation, especially having everyone there listening to his trauma, just won't be good for him. it's a horrible situation to be caught in, for karl and all of their friends.

sapnap hasn't even really considered how difficult it will be for them to listen to it all.

the ravenette can feel the artificial drowsiness creeping in as he lies there staring aimlessly at the ceiling. he knows they're kicking in too, because the sadness and anxiety he was feeling is starting to go all numb and almost tingly.

he's tired, drug-induced or not, yet he still can't sleep. it's not enough.

the ravenette hauls himself out of bed with a sigh, feeling weak in the legs from the prescribed melatonin that weighs down on him.