Oblivion || n.h

Four

During the car ride on the way back from the upper east side, I've forced myself to come to terms with what I'm doing. I am willingly cheating on my wife, and i've been trying to convince myself that it can't be considered cheating if I don't plan to sleep with Violeta. Not that the idea hasn't crossed my mind, you'd have to be completely blind to have any will power against such a Goddess, especially when she's all done up and shaking her arse in my face. Still, sex is the farthest thing from my mind, I want to know her, and I have come to the conclusion that that is much worse than having a sexual relationship outside of my marriage with Bel.

It's a depressing but not so startling truth, I mean for the last three years I have been living an overbearing despondent life along side Belinda. When I started coming home earlier from work, after the idea that we were married and this would be it for us had settled, our dinners slowly began to fill themselves with silences and less than desirable topics of conversation. It got to the point where she would actually ask me how my day was, as if talk of filling out paper work and sitting in meetings for hours on end would make it a little more exciting. The spark and spontaneity that I thought once drove me crazy about Belinda had - for some reason - diminished, actually, it's as if it never existed. And I have been too selfish of a man to let her know how unhappy I am, I have brought her down with me and that's what really drives my guilt.

"Hogan" I sigh, running my fingers over my lips to shut out the dreary problems that make up my life.

"Niall" he looks at me through the rearview mirror, judgement written all over his gaze.

"I'd appreciate if you didn't mention our little adventure to Belinda, it was just a meeting that went over" I meet his gaze for a few seconds before he silently goes back to watching the road. I don't have to hear him say it, I know he is sworn to secrecy with one look alone, but so is his frank opinion.

"Can I just say something?" he speaks after several moments. I thought he'd never ask.

"Hmm?" I sigh once more, the bridge coming into view along with the sad realization that I'll have to face the woman I married, and pretend I still love her. 

"Why don't you just tell her it isn't working?" Hogan tries to reason with me, but he knows better than anyone that there's nothing there worth saving.

"You know why Hogan" I find his gaze in the mirror again, "Besides, you know my father can't have a divorce scandal so early in my vice presidency" I undo the tie from around my neck in a frustrated haste, at the thought of my fathers reaction. My father is too worried about how we look in the public eye and i'm sure he'd have a fit if I even dared to mention the word divorce. He's the one who brought Belinda to meet me, he played his cards so perfectly that he even had me believing I actually loved her.

"Don't you think a cheating scandal would be much worse?" Hogan raises a brow at me and I sigh, looking over the dark waters as we cross over the bridge. He's right of course, but I won't admit it.

Truthfully, if it weren't for my dad being away on business the last few weeks, none of the stupidities I've been getting away with the last few days would have even been thought up.

"Wake me when we're home" I instruct and lean my head back against the seat.

[Vi]

Charlie makes his way over to let me know my rides here - courtesy of Mr. Big Bucks - and to wish me good luck. The guilty smile he gives me reassures me that i'm doing this for the right reasons - to help out a friend, despite everything I stand for when it comes to house calls and millionaires. I stand before taking one last look in the mirror, retouching my mascara and lipstick. I make any final adjustments to my two piece and make sure it's fit to perfection. The little fringes on my bra just barely tickle as I slip on the shiny leather pea coat Zelena got me last Christmas.