F O R D|| L O N E L Y ||(TWD)

F O R D- 040

Just so everyone knows now, the CW in the description is there to imply it's throughout the book. Just so nobody can get mad at me for not putting a trigger warning. If anything is outside of the CW in the description, I'll put it at the beginning of the chapter it's in, and if it continues, I'll add it to the CW later.

PS- Song of the chapter- It's alright - Mother Mother

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"That... Was Badass..."

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Once everyone had gathered their bearings and made it into the prison, Merle, like a bad dog, had been left outside the cell block, his one hand draped over the cell door as he spoke to Rick. Ford anxiously bounced his foot as he sat on the steps, avoiding Daryl's harsh gaze as Carl sat close beside him with an arm wrapped around his leg gently. Ford's hand pushed through small knots in the brunette's hair as he looked at Merle. Ford gave a small ruffle to Carl's hair before shifting and then standing, feeling Carl's arms drop from around his leg before he started moving. Ford walked to the door, looking at Rick.

"I wanna talk to my brother in private..." Rick nodded a little to the teen, unlocking the cell door and letting Ford step into the cafeteria area, closing the door behind him. Once the two were out of eye and earshot of the group, Ford started talking.

"Daryl's been not the best..." Merle nodded as he slowly sat down at a table, motioning for Ford to take a seat, which he did, silently, beside Merle.

"Talk to me, kid..." Ford took a slow breath in and out before speaking again; he didn't like the feeling it gave him to talk bad about his once favorite older brother. But he had to tell Merle about the verbal assault that happened almost daily after he told him he liked boys.

"He'd talk to me just fine in front of the group at first, then he stopped that; guess he got tired of the act. He never hit me or anythin' like that- but the words... Merle, the words he said to me hurt so bad... And I haven't been someone to get hurt by words- you know that- but hearing... Someone I looked up to, respected, and cared for. The guy that nearly raised me- made sure I was fed..? Made sure I had clothes on my back, and was as happy as I could be? Hearing Daryl stand in my cell and call me slurs for somethin' I ain't got a lick of control over," Merle patiently listened, knowing that it was hard for his youngest brother to gather his words and thoughts sometimes. He nodded a bit once Ford was done talking, hand reaching over to rub his back a little in comfort, knowing damn well the kid needed it.

Ford was never big on sharing shit like this with Merle; usually speaking, Merle would laugh at him for feeling this kinda way about something. But in this kinda world, at the very moment, he knew Ford wouldn't be able to handle that, not with how absolutely tired and anxious the boy looked. Merle has seen Ford break down before. He's seen him devolve to nothing but sheer emotion-driven anger. He's seen how Ford copes with stressful things like this, and he's seen how Ford used to cope with stress. He knew Ford's rage; he knew Ford's stress; he knew Ford's coping for those.

And god, he hoped Ford hadn't gone back to his old, old ways of coping.

"I talked to him... While we were out... He didn't feel much guilt, if any at all, about what he said to ya... But, I've noticed a few people keepin' a watchful eye on ya... What's that 'bout..?" Ford noticeably shifted and stiffened, looking down at his lap.

"I... Don't wanna talk about that, Merle..." His voice was quiet, barely audible at best, and Merle knew it that moment that Ford had gone back to his old ways. Their dad never gave the kid any leniency on anything, especially when it came to the kid's mental state. The last time he heard Ford talk about his mental state was when he was ten. And back then- back when he was an innocent boy, barely knew anything about the world. Had barely lived. Back when the kid was getting a near-daily beating by their old man and had been at his, by far, lowest.