Caged Bird | ✔

Chapter Thirty Three

A day in captivity, I thought; give it until the end of the week and then I'll be out of here

A week in captivity, I thought maybe another week, a month maximum before I would be free, if not by me finding a way out of here, it would be by Cassie finding me

When 2 months had passed, I thought maybe Cassie was so close and she just needed a little more time, as not everyone could be Liam Neeson from the movie Taken

When 3 months arrived, I thought I could not sit around and wait to be saved. I needed to get out, or else I would be like those people you read stories about who are gone for 15 years. And when they eventually escape captivity by some miracle they have to spend the remaining years of their life working through the negative effects the abduction had on them

Close to 4 months away from home, was when I made that initial break for it, which was the biggest dismal failure known to mankind and it resulted in me being treated in the most degraded way, at least for the next two months. -all progress I had made with William had gone out the window, multiplied tenfold

I was rarely let out of his sight, he bathed me, shaved me, was in the room when I dressed, I took all my meals in my bed until I got bed sores that he had to treat as well

I even requested to go into the music room, in hopes that it would make him be a little less trusting of me, but he refused, and I did not ask again. I was deprived of anything and everything recreational; he did not even speak to me

I do not even know exactly where my personal ethos had changed from despising everything he did and working very hard to get out of there, - to trying to please him, even if the exigency was ever so slight. Because him being pleased with me would mean than he would speak to me that I would be allowed to relieve myself without him sitting across from me on the rim of the bath, waiting for me to be finished, just so that he could bind my wrists again

In those moments I found it easier to surrender myself to powerlessness, especially if it meant he might be a little bit gentler with my wrists, or stand outside the bathroom door instead of staring me down while I tried to school the muscles in my bladder into relaxing

The humans need for affiliation is a crazy thing, and it doesn't discriminate against anyone, - even kidnappers

Through everything, William was never unkind – and maybe that was the issue, he was more persnickety and anal than he had first been, but he was not mad, he never tried to inflict actual punishment, not saying the constant human degradation was not punishment enough

I just mean, that things could have been worse

I think I stopped counting how much time went by after 8 months; it was also around this time where my recreational allowances were reinstated. I was allowed to watch movies in the living room area; I was allowed all my meals at the dinner table. I was even allowed alone in the bathroom again, and sometimes even alone in living area from time to time

Me having stopped counting the time that passed by, was not necessarily deliberate, I just stopped doing it one day, and never went back to it again

However, I never stopped thinking about getting out of there, it is just that I did not know when that would be, as the longer I spent in there, the more the hope and desire for freedom felt more like a phantasm than anything else

Moreover, I did not want to make my life more difficult than it needed to be, so I did what I needed to do

When the ninth month came around, I had started to unconsciously and slowly loose the bearings of what my life had been prior to all of this

Time also seemed to be passing by excruciatingly slow, yet whizzing past me at the same time