Caged Bird | ✔

Chapter Fifty Four

''how you holding up?'' Cassie asks, not looking at me, instead her eyes are on the kids playing on the roundabout in front of us.

Cassie and I had resumed our weekly meetings a couple of months after the twins were born, but because we now had kids it was difficult to just find the time to meet at a café, so the new norm had become going to the park

My life had become a series of new norms after William

The twins are 5 years old now and Callum is 7 and although there was a small age difference, the three of them were inseparable

I smile as I see Eleanor run after Callum who has a ball in his hand

''you ask me this every week and the answer is still the same'' I inform her

She nods

''yeah but you told me you were fine when you were battling with severe anxiety issues. you told me you were fine when you had postpartum depression. you also told me you were fine when your neighbors called me at 1am to tell me that you were lying in a public park sobbing, - so forgive me if I don't believe you when you say you're fine'' Cassie points out

I roll my eyes at her, but nudge her with my shoulder

Honestly I am fine

Yes all those things were true, and truthfully out of everything that had happened to me I would have to say that those years were the hardest parts of my life

Although I was doing much better than I was the, I was not all better and completely healed. I saw a therapist occasionally, and I took antidepressants that had been prescribed to me since the postpartum depression, but otherwise I was good

''have you told him about them?'' Cassie asks

I don't need to ask her who she is referring to, I know

''we've spoken about this'' I say, feeling my face tense up

''I know, but I still do think he deserves to know'' she argues

I cannot believe her, I can't believe that she's saying this to me,

I feel that I am getting worked up at this, however I don't move, instead I stay seated and take deep breaths deciding to ignore her and focus on the kids

''I don't want to speak about this'' I say firmly

''you know I've only ever wanted the best for you'' Cassie remarks

That is true, and I know it to be true, but why can't she understand that I do not want my kids to know their father

Maybe that is terrible thing to admit, I know it's wrong to consciously make that decision to keep my kids as far away as their biological father as I possibly could. And I have tried to consider the possibility but I couldn't. My need to protect them was so great, that I did not want them within a foot of their dad

''I know'' I say curtly

I see her open her mouth again probably about to fire the next reason as to why I should tell Will about his kids, - I wish she would drop it; it is not like she didn't know the full extent of what happened to me

A couple months ago, a documentary channel had gotten hold of my abduction story, although I refused to talk about what happened to me all those years back, there was enough police officers and locals who were more than willing to talk about what had happened

Funny how my story had been told by everyone else except me

In the documentary they had gotten access to the cabin, and my bedroom in the cabin, - this was how Cassie pieced together how I had my first anxiety attack