There is No Epic Loot Here, Only Puns

103: Pop goes the Slime

Poppy turned a page.

"Gently!" came a deep growl from the book. Poppy turned the book around, and her blank expression met the cover of the book where an etched face made of symbols and ink glared at her.

"Tom, I can't go any gentler. Waiting for a breeze to turn you is taking forever, nyeh," Poppy sighed. The book floated up of its own accord and shut at the same time.

"Most people would pay a kingdom's worth of blood and gold to peek at even one of my pages!" he thundered and then sniffed.

"Reduced to a child's entertainment novel, how droll," he sighed and flopped back onto the bed. Poppy wanted to remind the book that it had done nothing but waste away in a bookstore in the middle of nowhere for many years but then decided it wasn't worth another lecture.

Tom, or 'Tome of Eternity', was a rather grouchy book at any given moment. Poppy sat on her bed and poked him.

"Then how do I read you?" she asked, trying to put some actual curiosity in her voice but she was due for a nap soon and couldn't help the yawn.

"Magic! Powerful energies that would let me reveal secrets to the user of appropriate strength. I highly doubt you'll have much luck," Tom began with enough smugness to make Poppy's classmate, Grim, look humble.

Oh, Poppy could try that, she really wanted to read Tom. She stimulated the feeling of being big... marking the highest score on the exam... winning the race with Deo... finding the best skipping stones.

Superiority. Power. No peer to be found.

Her mouth cracked slightly and she grinned with fangs as her eyes went black with slitty glowing yellow irises. The feeling of being queen of all monsters and pitiful ants.

She was a dragon with no equal. She slashed a hand and the book gave a yelp as it turned to its middle section and filled with words. Poppy slowly began to push herself back into a calm state. Endless white... no hint of anything but just sleep and peace.

She felt heat fade and her Mana popped like a soap bubble. She sniffed and eyed her curtains which had turned to cinders as her bed looked blackened.

Nyeh. She'd have to get a new one now.

"W-w-w-what the Dicksons and Poes! I demand a reasonable explanation for that!" Tom questioned, voice high like a small boy.

"I ate a dragon tail once. My Dad cooked it with a spicy herb from a volcano and it was nice," she shrugged. She leaned in to read as Tom blustered and spluttered.

"Are you some blue mage? What kind of child gets access to those type of meals?!" he screeched but Poppy was too busy reading.

The pages were of powerful monsters. Almost like a bestiary, it spoke of where and how to find these fearsome beasts. Their abilities... what Poppy could gain from them.

"Pass," she sighed and turned another page. Tom was mumbling to himself furiously.

The next few pages came in and it showed a human girl with a glare on her face. The page filled in as Poppy found herself disliking the girl for some reason she couldn't quite understand.

"Beta. The monster that devours monsters. Given the ability of Purple Magic with complete... control," Poppy said and she stared at the picture of the creature in human skin.

"Rather new addition if I am correct. Odd creature. Usually, these things are not so sudden. The Great King of Monsters usually takes time to release such unnatural things into the world," Tom hummed.

Poppy drew a moustache on Beta's face. Tom didn't even notice.

"Who's the king of monsters?" she asked as she added curls to the face hair.

"He is the physical agent of the Brother of old. I would surmise he was the first monster and one that appears when monsters are pushed too far. It has been a long time since he has appeared," Tom admitted.

"You think a king would be kinda hard to miss," Poppy pointed out. Tom huffed.

"The King of Monsters breaks down into Mana and is reborn when an imbalance is skewed too far in either manner!" Tom lectured. Poppy poked the book.

"Show me what he looks like now," she poked harder. Tom huffed but his pages turned again.

"If he is even around. There is no promise that he- Oh, he is around," Tom's voice went odd.

Poppy stared at the page.

"That is not a king... that's adorable," she smiled softly.

---

An orange slime was rolling down a grassy hill, bubbling in cheer and delight. It came to a stop in a bush of wildflowers. The slime bubbled as they danced in the wind. It giggled as a bee buzzed at it.

It buzzed back, it's body shaking like jello, and the bee flew off. Nonplussed, it hopped along the tall grass and hummed out a warbling off-note song. The path behind it burst slightly into beautiful flowers and grass as the imprinted Mana left behind soaked into the ground.

The little orange blob stopped as it stared up at a massive tree with dangling apples.

"Usually you're a bit more fire and brimstone with lots of people screaming," a voice came from very far away. The blob turned and tilted so hard that it fell over.

It gurgled and blew bubbles.

"True, the balance is sort of fine. I didn't expect you to be born as a slime but you always were an odd duck. So what's the plan, Danmulecus?" the father asked. The slime thought about it and thought hard.

It saw the weaving deaths of monsters and humans. The balance of sword against claw... it saw fire and blood. It saw where life should be stamped anew like a fire to a forest. To remove the old and give way to the new.

But...

It also saw something else.

A girl with a tie and bright eyes.

Laughter tempered by will.

It bubbled and began hopping again.

"I'm not sure what that means exactly. The closest Dungeon to 'educate' would be Yal and I don't think he needs the- Actually, ignore that. You should totally do that," Father instructed.

The slime bubbled cheerfully.

"In fact, according to your auntie, there is this group of people you should use as meatshields... well let's call them helpers. You need to show them you are wise and totally not the end of all they know. See if you can lead them to De- Well, you know where to go!"

The little singing ball of slime made a comment.

"Getting feisty? Fine fine, you're the king. If you wanna be called an ass, go for it," the voice faded and the slime cheered in agreement.

Thus began the tale of Mule.

The little slime that could... do a lot of damage.

---

Brother hummed as he fished his hook out with nought to show for it.

"Did Sister say to mess with the Princess and Yal or to leave them alone at this crucial step of Dungeon/human-relationship understanding?" he mused. He shrugged and stretched.

"I'm sure it was whatever I did. I'm always sort of right!" he admitted.

---

Skeletons in colourful clothes and makeup was a little...

Distracting. Which Delta guessed was a point in their favour as performers! Red stars over empty eye sockets. Clown smiles with no lips. Leotards with no muscles to stretch them.

All of them doing the same routine of dancing.

It was like a work out video from hell that was in the bargain bin. Delta weakly applauded a couple doing knife juggling. One went too far and fell right into the empty ribcage where it rattled on the inside.

Well, Delta guessed workplace accidents would be pretty hard to come by.

Renny began to correct forms for movements, he snapped at a skeleton who tried to climb the highwire with furious clicking at the safety net still rolled up.

He pulled a confused skeleton out of a colour cannon that had remained unlit. Delta wasn't sure she had done the mime any favours by unleashing these boneheads on him. But as she reached out, she blinked at the slight glow around Renny.

He radiated annoyance, as expected, but there was also excitement and... purpose. He felt busy for the first time in a long time. Delta hid a smile and went to get his food stand ready. Since people would be arriving en masse from the second tunnel entrance, it would be a good place for the food to be sold.

She spent the DP and from the ground rose metal counters with swinging door. Mass formed together to give rise to various jugs of coloured fruit juice and a quiet popcorn machine that was visible through the glass under the service counter. Behind, poster frames rose but only one had anything in it.

It showed the skeleton crew in a triangle pose, like cards stacked upon each other. There was a single line at the bottom.

'The Circus run by the Skeleton Crew. Come tickle your funny bone!'

The food stand was to the right of the entrance and had red and green stripes everywhere it could manage. The cash register had a grinning skull atop it and the popcorn ad next to it was a little bit ominous.

'Delta's Popcorn: It's to die for... or because of!'

"What is it even made of?" she asked aloud and nearly shrieked as Fera answered her. The goblin just appeared from under the counter like a damn ninja.

"What else? Mushrooms bits and unspeakable horrors," the goblin grinned.

"Is it... going to kill people?" Delta had to ask. Fera' slight hesitation was telling.

"Not a lot. Just the old or sickly," she said calmly.

Delta glared at her and dragged her menu opened.

She scanned the menu and her finger found the option she was looking for.

"Upgrade! Upgrade!" she chanted urgently.