There is No Epic Loot Here, Only Puns

124: You can call me AI

Delta was waving her hands as the battle waged on.

"Less thorns! People bleed!" she told Wyin who scowled but the thorns vanished a moment before she smashed a branch into Poppy. Delta moved between different angles, fretting about the party and Wyin.

It was both their first time in this boss event and Delta just wanted everyone to have a good time and-

"Don't choke Grim!" she screeched slightly as the poor boy was held upside down by a root and shook like a clownfish in a bag.

"Why are you sleeping?" Kemy wailed as she tried to squeeze into Deo's wooden prison, poking the boy hard in the face with her obscene mushroom staff. Amenstar was waving a snake-skeleton around like a whip, the bone shifting with dark energy that wilted some of Wyin's leaves on contact. Poppy was looking like a cross between a komodo dragon and a cow that snorted fire out her nostrils.

Vas had been thrown into the nearby stream and simply laid down as if some psychosomatic shock had made him sink like a rock underwater he could stand above.

It was pandemonium and Delta felt grey hair forming on her astral form.

She opened her mouth to tell Wyin that clubbing Delta's baby seals- er... brave adventurers was still not allowed when she stopped abruptly. She turned as if her body was a series of clockwork sprockets and springs.

Blinking once, Delta exhaled as if releasing a sigh she had been holding for a very long time.

In a single instant, her orange form vanished and a very confused blue young man spluttered as he was formed upside down, legs kicking in the air and a scowl on his face.

Looking up, he snarled and smacked himself.

"Legs! Damnable legs!" Nu raged before he paused to consider... why he had legs again. He closed his eyes as he tried to follow that sunshine feeling of Delta, a warmth on his face that he didn't mind as much as other pains to his existence.

Delta had been in various states of Dungeon Core before, deep with the Spider Queen, unconscious as levels formed... even sad as a person.

But this side of her made her go from solid to mist.

A part of her was pulled forward that Nu had never seen in such pure quantities.

Her soul.

---

Alpha remembered falling to his knees, each step down into the Dungeon heavier than the last. He panicked slightly, thinking he was being attacked, but the weight was warm... like sleep after a long journey.

He leaned forward intending to simply catch his breath when he saw the ground rushing towards him and he blinked, awaiting the pain. Instead, he went from laying on the ground to sitting in a chair.

It was a subtle shift that took a moment to understand. The chair was leather, deep and comfortable. It also felt like he had never relaxed into it, constantly sitting as close to the edge as possible and his back was killing him.

Alpha settled back and the relief was... he tried to blink back tears, but his eyes had been closed this entire time. He opened them. He saw. Alpha saw.

The universe... or someplace that seemed to be everything he had seen and felt compressed into a single location. Light, rain, earth, wind, the sound of cities... it was all cobbled together like a painting of stars and swirling galaxies.

It felt the closest to home since Alpha had come to this world.

Groaning nearby made him sit back up and try to take notice. All his skills, all his talents, and abilities were... gone and it left him feeling naked as a warrior to a degree. He still knew how to throw a punch if he needed it.

Peering over, he saw two empty chairs, one to his left and right. One of bone and wood that seemed to be more a flat surface than a chair for a human. The other was of solid rock and while could be sat upon, looked more like it was covered in a dozen or so deep scars where something would slot in like the mythical sword in the stone.

Directly across from his own was the most bizarre of 'chairs'.

It was a massive beanbag of mostly orange fabrics spread out like a sunbathing slime, but many different colours had been stitched to it, giving it a mismatched appearance. Cartoonish depictions of goblins, pigs, and frogs seem to cover its surface.

"No... Nu... ten more minutes... Jack won't... blow too much up," a soft voice complained in throws of sleep.

"Hello?" he called and the mumbling stopped. Someone slowly raised their head from the sunken centre of the beanbag. Black hair that looked unkempt and bushy fresh from sleep was the first thing he noticed.

The second was the eyes. One of blazing orange and the other of dark green. Alpha presumed the green one was her natural colour, but he had to admit she wore orange well. She slowly managed to sit up and a crumpled shirt, tie, and long work skirt gave her a mature appearance and a pocket watch in the shirt pocket added character.

Alpha felt a little enchanted as if he knew this woman. A face he saw at work every day or someone he shared a commute with... maybe someone he saw when he went shopping.

A neighbour he had never quite said hello to...

"This stinks of Bro and Sis' work," the woman muttered before she gave Alpha a bright smile.

"Hi, I'm Delta... uh..." her smile faded when she looked fully at him.

"Your chair... is bleeding," she said slowly. Alpha looked down, despite his conscious mind really not wanting to.

His chair was a sort of seat one would see in a tent or on the road. Hastily built, but done so many times that comfort had been maximised... but it was badly damaged as if the trip was dangerous.

Battle scars and the unwillingness to mend it meant the chair had sunk on one side and from the leathers of many beasts that made up from it, a few sections were indeed leaking blood, but the entire thing was even more ruined since on every inch of it... words had been carved into it.

'Slay the skeletons'. 'Find the lost priest'. 'Find the ruins'.

So on... and so on. No space had been spared by the all-consuming quest lines.

Except for the armrests.

They were almost pristine except for a single word on each.

The left said 'Quest' and the right finished with 'Failed'.

He shook a little and tried to retreat to old habits to suppress the simple words. He looked for a quest yet unscratched, something left undone... something to take choice away and responsibility. Anyt-

He went still when his head was pulled to a shoulder.

"Hey... you're alright," the woman, Delta, whispered as she held him. The contact was like cold water and he shuddered in exhale. She pulled back and smiled again.

"Some stitches and stuffing then your chair will be good as new. I don't have sheep yet, but I have rabbit tails and pig hair. I'm sure I can whip something up if you don't mind the smell and the occasional mushroom?" she offered kindly, looking unbothered that Alpha had gotten tears on her shirt.

"I don't need a good chair," he replied almost automatically. The woman leaned down with a smile.

"Yeah... I didn't ask if you 'needed' it fixed. Do you 'want' it to stop bleeding?" she insisted. The question threw him as it always did when human kindness was shown his way.

"Do you... want me to want it fixed?" he tried meekly to work the argument into an area he was more comfortable with. She pursed her lips.

"You're a weird one and coming from me that's something. What's your name?" she asked and Alpha shifted, unable to take back the knowledge of his bleeding chair to blissful ignorance.

"Alpha," he said, only now fully understanding Delta's name. She froze as she made the same connection. This was Delta.

This was his superior, his thrice model successor.

Even with the letters, even with the promises of the System... Alpha wondered if he was here to pass the torch on and... die?

He could feel it happening now. Breathing was becoming difficult... his vision had gone dark... he was being swallowed by the screaming void. After a second, he understood he was merely being smushed into Delta's body in a tight embrace as she jumped up and down, screaming in laughter and delight.

"Alpha! Alpha! Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta! We're practically related! Alpha! Get it, I'm Delta!" she said excitedly, spinning him around and he was mildly bothered that she was so much older than him...

"I'm the first model, I suspect, so you must be an impressive warrior with many abilities," Alpha tried to compliment back.

"I'm a what?" Delta stopped smiling to tilt her head.

"A hero of the system. What's your strongest ability? I haven't...compared to anyone," he admitted and Delta looked slightly uncertain at the question.

"Nonconsensual Mushroom power?" she offered slowly.

"So, invasive mushroom spores? It must be deadly. Does it infect dragons or armies?" he asked politely, trying to get his grounds on where he stood compared to this more talented hero.

"No, they mostly infect me and walk about sometimes. They also explode and taste bad until I fixed them..." Delta muttered. Alpha stared, not sure if she was teasing him.

He inhaled once, usually this activated his stoic posture ability, but all it did here was make his cheeks puff up.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't wish," he insisted. Delta waved her hands in a panic.

"No! I have goblins as my helpers and I reformed a spider queen's soul... and I accidentally made a supermushroom man that wipes out armies... and you know, I built a bar... also I have a jungle that is filled with really good materials that I own," she listed, trying to explain.

Alpha's mouth fell open.

Delta's quest rewards were so unfair!

"What about treasures or loot?" he asked, hoping maybe he might win on that front. This oddly depressed Delta to an extent.

"I have no epic loot...only Pun birds," she said, looking frazzled.

"Pun birds?" he blinked. Delta's eyes turned mischievous.

"Birds most fowl," she agreed.

"I can slay them if they are bad. I don't need a quest... you're nice. Foul birds are a pain," Alpha shrugged. Delta opened her mouth then closed it.

"I made them so I'm a little attached," she declined. It was Alpha's turned to be depressed since if he didn't quest, he didn't have anything else to offer.

"So... Al, do you remember... before?" Delta asked slowly and the tone in the space shifted as Alpha swallowed once.

"Pieces... usually doing a quest of importance or sometimes just thinking brings back pieces," he said and Delta nodded as if that was the same for her.

"I don't remember how I died," Delta said softly. Alpha watched her face turn speculative and looking at a nearby image of a swirling star. The light bouncing off her face.

Bouncing off her eyes-

-burning. It was burning. Screaming... which way to go? He had to go. Panic. He turned as fire rose into the air, casting light over people, the people, her eyes-

He snapped back, stumbling back into his chair as he held his head.

"Woah there, don't poke the memories. All the medical people will tell you trying to force suppressed memories can be a bad thing," Delta scolded in worry.

"We died together," Alpha said abruptly and Delta let go of his hand as if he had burned her.

"Alpha..." she said, then didn't know what else to say.

"I don't know how. But I know that now... not that it helps," he said sullenly before he winced as Delta smacked his back.

"Listen here, Eeyore. We had a bad time and now we're going to have a good time. I am Delta and I just got to level 3 so you just count on me," she said seriously. Alpha looked up at her, slight pain on his face.

Were all her Quests reward heavy?

"3... is a good start. How many foes have you vanquished?" he said with a thick voice. Delta looked proud as she answered.

"I've only ever killed one person and a few slimy things," she bragged before thinking.

"And an invading army of spiders but that was by accident of soul-crushing their queen," she shrugged. Then she had a serious thought as she crossed her arms.

"Does releasing the souls of the cult-undead count as killing or simply finishing the process?" she mumbled. Shaking his head, Alpha only had one real question of interest left.

"How did you own a dungeon? Did you win over the core or did you use an ability? Everyone says it's your Dungeon," he asked as Delta dragged him on to her beanbag.

It was... really comfortable, but whatever was inside had different sizes and shapes to them than simple beads of cotton.

Delta looked bemused.

"You could say that I was handed the job. I've done good with it, but I've been 'Delta' a few blows to my ego," she nudged him as if expecting something.

"Learning political or speech skills should counter those blows," he said slowly. Delta's amused look turned exasperated.

"Puns are not your forte are they?" she asked bluntly.

"Killing things is my forte," he agreed.

"You're killing me," she muttered and Alpha frowned as he didn't seem to be getting any damage numbers. His sword was even sheathed!

"Alpha, I wasn't put in charge of a Dungeon. I am literally the Dungeon," she explained. Alpha frowned, trying to understand.

"You are the only thing inside to fight?" he asked before Delta leaned in and pressed her forehead to his.

Her intense eyes close to his.

"Oh, you are a treat," she smiled and a crackle of energy was shared between them. Orange and Alpha saw rooms... creatures with forming souls... winding passages and omni-awareness of the space.

After a moment, he leaned back.

"I was the floor..." he muttered. Delta nodded sagely.

"I was the torches and doors," he went on.

"Uh-huh..." Delta encouraged.

"I knew the monsters... I saw the people..." he said.

"And the logical conclusion of this means..." Delta led him on like a duck chasing breadcrumbs. Alpha also saw the duck. It was not a duck. But it was the closest thing to a duck in disguise.

"You used your mushrooms to infect a dungeon and overrode its consciousness!" he said, impressed.

"They aren't mine! I was forced to adopt them. Only Mushy, Maestro, and Missy are mine and sometimes the Pygmies!" Delta said furious, jabbing in the arm hard at each word.

"I was the Dungeon. You're the Hero, I'm the Dungeon. Those two are the Monster and the Weapon," Delta said after a moment.

She touched Alpha's hand.

"Hero," she said then placed his hand on her face gently.

"Dungeon," she whispered.

Alpha looked at her and his heart broke for her. A physical sensation of pain. It shattered at the knowledge that she was not superior in terms of the system nor was she his replacement. She had been turned into something he was meant to destroy and harm... to conquer...

"I won't," he said firmly.

Delta just smiled.

"You don't need to do any of that," she agreed but Alpha shook his head.

"I don't want to," he insisted.

"Then do you want to be my friend instead?" she asked, smile bright as she held his hand gently.

The question was hard as he fought so hard to... never feel lost again, but this space... this feeling...

And perhaps the fact Delta had a literal army of monsters and traps to protect her...

"I do," he said, the admission of desire and loneliness making his shoulders shake. He couldn't stop and soon he was making unintelligible noises and Delta was rocking him in a hug slowly.

"Welcome to the Dungeon... Hero. It doesn't have epic loot or the ability to level you that great, but it... it can be your home if you need it," she said, smiling. Alpha let go of his pain inside, letting it weep and flow. As he did so, the waiting quests and notifications melted away from his vision.

For the first time since he had awoken in this world, his vision was clear of symbols and alerts.

All he saw was orange and warmth.

"I think I'm forgetting something," Delta muttered above his head.

----

"Shackles unbound. The sun has set and the gleeful moon bids your pain!" Wyin purred as Nu observed the fight as sharp spears of branches made hallways and snakes made of Wyin's flowery hair snapped at anyone approaching.

"Whip the Grim more, but leave the innocent priestess," Nu instructed.

"Isn't this hard mode?" Grim demanded as he deftly slashed, cutting any vine that got close. Nu smiled, unheard by them, but still responding.

"It's more... Nu Game Plus," he said and Wyin froze, snapping her head up at him in disgust. Nu sighed in dramatic sadness.

"I'm ruined. She's ruined me," he mumbled.

A NOTE FROM STEWART92

*Jaunty instrumental solo*