There is No Epic Loot Here, Only Puns

105: Delta's Day Off

Fran didn't keep the Fabio hair. It did fade as Nu promised, but oddly, the goblin actually seemed a little sad to see it go.

Nina left after a while as Fera deemed her first day 'amusing'. Delta wished the girl luck as she headed off with a pouch of random herbs, mushrooms, and fruit as a day payment. Delta really needed some kind of official currency to work with...

She gave the first floor a quick check over, making sure Maestro was still peachy with his new form before she turned to her goblins.

Hob and Gob had been pretty much just gathering things but they seemed more bored than ever.

"New job for you two!" She grinned. The two siblings shared a look, then seemed eager.

"Grab some random things around the Dungeon and take them to Durence, see if you can sell them or trade things. Listen to Quiss or Ruli if you dunno what to do. You are to follow the law and not steal anything," she instructed.

"Gobbos to become merchants?" Gob asked interested.

"Honest merchants," Delta agreed.

"Not sure make a lot of money by being honest," Hob admitted.

"Morally honest," Delta amended.

"No ripping off poor humies, no selling slaves, and no drugs unless approved by local government," Gob listed. Delta stared.

"We learn from Delta! Ideas come into head sometimes," Hob beamed. Delta was glad she didn't have to teach goblins how to be better humans than a lot of humans.

She focused and a slow formation of wheels came into existence.

"Give me a moment to get this right," she said cheerfully.

"We want a sign as well for shop!" Hob yelled and Delta nearly added a Mobious strip to the cart instead of a wheel in surprise.

"Like what?" She asked.

The goblins shared a look.

---

Durence had seen a lot of things. It was the epicentre of weirdness, most residents would admit. There were warriors of great renown, wizards of many forbidden and bizarre arts, many monsters passing as human, and even things that didn't bother trying.

Durence was weird.

So it was not everyday that people stopped in the street to stare at something.

"Come and see 'Hob and Gob's Bits and Bobs'! Fresh Dungeon loot without having to Dungeon! Come spend your humany items for great Dungeon treasure!" A small goblin yelled, waving an orange flag with a weird triangle on it.

A cart had been loaded out in glowing orange runes that blazed with the same triangle symbol. A large pile of mushrooms, flowers, jars of honey, and raw fish were on display. The cart itself had a sleeping duck on one side. It had a little sash that said 'Security'.

There was a silence broken only by an excited yell of a child carrying many flowers of his own and being followed by a shell shocked girl in a cloud robe and an amused giant woman known as Ruli.

"DELTA'S FRIENDS! IT IS I, DEO! WELCOME TO MY HOME! I'M GLAD YOU FINALLY CAME TO VISIT!" The boy beamed and the goblins waved at him lazily.

"Yo, Delta sends regards and gives all previous good dungeon delvers 50% off on their first purchase," the goblin with the flag greeted.

"Quiss is going to blow his lid when he sees this," Ruli grinned at the duck. The people watching quickly shuffled off at those words. The local PeaceKeeper had a temper not many liked to encourage.

"I'll take all your fish, what do you want for them?" Ruli asked the newcomers. They shared a look.

"One... thing of worth?" One of them offered weakly. Ruli pursed her lips.

"You're gonna need help. Stay here and don't sell anything. I'll go grab Smalls and Happy," she sighed. Deo looked up.

"WHO'S HAPPY?" He asked, still holding all of those flowers and items for Ruli.

At the name, all the nearby business shut their windows and closed their curtains. Ruli looked at the quiet street.

"Happy is the merchant of Death. He's the kind of guy that turns family owned bakeries into multi-city monster factories of product," she said dryly.

"HE SOUNDS HELPFUL!" Deo beamed once more.

"He just has some quirks that makes him a pain to get involved with but I owe Delta for the sweet as- I mean cool sword I have now," Ruli said seriously.

"What kinda quirks? Our items need to be used more sooner than later! Brother Hob here thinks maybe two days max," the other goblin announced.

"Happy tends to... be excitable about everything," Ruli said with pained voice.

The goblins shared another long look but everything went quiet when Quiss turned the corner and froze.

The duck on the cart opened one red eye.

"You..." Quiss said with a heavy tone.

The duck stared right back.

---

"They'll be fine. I mean Waddles is scary enough to handle most things and I'm sure my gobs will be perfect gentlemen," Delta said to an unimpressed Fera.

"And I'm a dainty princess locked in a tower," Fera said bluntly. Delta could give her that. Things would go wrong but if Delta was lucky it would go wrong in the best way possible.

"The Circus is on its way, the secret Garden is doing just fine, Maestro and Wyin got a shiny new update, I dunno what I should do next..." Delta mused.

"It's your day off, why do anything?" Fran asked as he flicked his hair. He had drank another 'Delta Surprise Shot' as Fera had dubbed it. It was funny now, especially when his steed, Bacon had the same flowing locks on his own head.

Maybe because they were one unit, they shared the mutation?

"Like if there were any challengers, you'd turn them down because it was your day off?" Delta teased. Fran flicked his long locks with a smirk.

"A warrior's work is never done," he said casually.

Fera placed her hand on the counter and leaned in.

"How about giving ole Fera a tune up? I got three food areas to managed and only two hands. Maybe see what this girl can have to aid her, hm?" Delta's bartender hummed. Delta nodded, blushing a little.

She had dumped a lot of work on her recently.

Delta focused on Fera and opened her specific menu.

It had a lot of options.