A Choice with Regrets [Levi Ackerman]

38

I intend to avoid any repetition of the horrors that had just ended in the capital. Ever since I returned to the Survey Corps Headquarters, I laid in bed for a few days after that rescue. Within those days, my eyes are tightly shut from the world and I do not make a sound besides crying myself to sleep. No one has the heart to interrupt me including Levi.

The news of the violent incidents in Capital Mitras spreads like a gust of wind within the walls. Ever since Viktor and Zaiya invaded the king's territory, the Survey Corps' reputation has been damaged and their relationship with the Military Police and royal government has gone far more sour. King Fritz is no longer seeking a queen after me, though he enjoys his own company anyway. As for Marcel, he was found dead the night I escaped the capital with Levi and I just can't help but feel a little emotional watching it happen to him. After departing out of his life, I am the only soul who knows King Fritz is a puppet king.

I doubt the government will come after me this time, but it is also not safe to assume. Perhaps I should stay low for a while. Underneath the blanket, the door to my room creaks open and my ears perk up when footsteps are coming toward me. I did not expect any company until now, and my heart begins to race when a chair is pulled up beside the bed I am lying in.

"Oi, how long are you planning to stay like this?" Levi sighs, who is now taking a seat next to me, but I remain still. I hear him pour something into a porcelain cup on the bedside table before sliding it across within my reach. "Could I tempt you with some sugar for your tea?"

I pull the blanket away from my head to find him sitting with his legs crossed, giving me a worried look. This time, he is wearing his uniform without the cravat.

I force myself to sit up since he is kindly offering. "Yes, please."

After he drops sugar cubes into my tea, I stir well with a tiny silver spoon before bringing the cup into my hand and carefully taking a generous sip. As I observe Levi, he enjoys his tea as it is, since sugar and milk are currently expensive due to food shortages.

These past few days, Levi has been taking care of me and I cannot thank him enough for it, primarily after rescuing me. I finally use this time to share what happened in Capital Mitras to Levi and he is all ears. Everything from Marcel being my real father, forced into an arranged marriage with the king, Viktor, and Zaiya, and he knows the rest from there until I share about Marcel's death.

"Tch. It is just a shame that I didn't get the chance to end that bastard personally." Levi balls up a fist on the table, aware of Marcel's ill-treatment towards me. It was complete hell. "And that time when you had the knife against your neck... you shouldn't have done that for me."

"What other choice did we have?" I lean over from the bed. "I did it for your safety."

"But what about you? Does your safety not matter at all?" Levi unexpectedly asks since he is conflicted and now I hardly know how to answer back. "I suggest you think very carefully before you open your mouth. You were in a life-or-death situation. Why did you do it?"

It hurts a little when I swallow after cutting myself under my chin, and when I gaze down, the familiar, gloomy atmosphere washes over me when I realize my true intention that night. "Perhaps I wanted to die..." I mutter in sadness. "After Viktor and Zaiya, I just couldn't take it anymore and—" My body jolts when Levi reaches out for my shoulders; his eyes are now bulging. I am afraid I had drawn the line.

"Do not speak of death so lightly!" His voice is now pitiful and I feel an urge to take everything back. I also know he is simply angry with me for emotionally abusing myself. "Don't think I don't understand how you feel, because after Farlan and Isabel... I truly get it, okay!? In reality, we cry and we move on! No matter how many times we watch our comrades die around us, we must live on to make their lives worth sacrificing!"