A Choice with Regrets [Levi Ackerman]

47

Levi

Ever since the discovery of Sina's death, I have been living in turmoil. I look back on the five years we spent together and mull over my mistakes of limiting her freedom. I've had a lot of experience with regret, but the choice that I regret the most was leaving the precious person in my life behind. This one is beyond any pain I felt. I must say, I hate this feeling. How am I supposed to move on without her?

Her urn rests in my office at the Survey Corps Headquarters. When I am working, I can't help but stare with sadness. I miss her, and everything about her. Ever since Erwin and Hange learned about Sina's demise, they were also pained by the news. Only I can bring up Sina to them. I hate the idea of saving her here forever since she deserves a better place to rest. Even after death, I am still holding Sina away from freedom. And that's when I realized what freedom truly is to her.

Once the titans are eradicated, I will start anew. I will bring Sina outside the walls one last time. To find out what is beyond the horizon.

At my desk, I lean back in my chair and reach a hand into the collar of my shirt. I pull out a necklace with Sina's ring in between my fingers. Aside from her ashes, this is all I have left of her. I stare at it for a good while until I shove the necklace behind my cravat. At noon, I arrive at the training ground to be greeted by fresh scouts. I stand before them, ready to lead these young soldiers to their likely deaths.

"Congratulations on your graduation. Starting today, you suicidal maniacs will become titan food in no time." I coldly remind them. "But that doesn't mean there is no point in fighting. Five years ago, Wall Maria broke and we lost everything from the titans. Families, friends, comrades, and ourselves. We are all here for the same reasons. To seek vengeance. To protect. To survive. And if you want to survive, make the most out of your choices. Do not regret them either."

This is my chance to live up to our promise. As a soldier, my mind gave up long ago but my heart didn't. This is for Sina. I will make a difference in this cruel world, even when she is not in it anymore.

The next day, the Survey Corps left Trost District on the 56th expedition. When we enter Wall Maria on our horses, we start the expedition. The number of titans has been shrinking with time and today, we will wipe out as many as possible. When we switch to our gears, we get assigned to a location, and with my Special Operations Squad, Petra, Oulo, Eld, and Gunther are skilled in taking the titans out without my help. When we grapple to the top of a building, I glance over at my squad. "It's dangerous here. Watch out for each other."

"Danger is our duty, Captain Levi! If we were the kind to shy away from danger, we never would've taken up arms to begin with." Petra reassures, which unexpectedly hits me. Her brave soul reminds me of Sina. I choke back from getting emotional.

"Do not worry, Captain. We'll take care of everything out here." Eld says and I nod, then look over at Oulo and Gunther.

"Do not die on me," I warn them and that's an order. Shortly, my squad grapples out and I am by myself again. That is fine because I'd rather fight independently.

As the day goes by, I slaughter every titan in sight until I come across a blood-curdling scream. A male scout is caught in the mouth of a titan and with one full sweep, I slash its nape. I watch the titan tumble to the ground and the soldier lands with life-threatening injuries. Just in time, Petra returns to warn about more titans approaching the area. I order her to seek care of the wounded scout while I take care of the titans with Eld and Gunther.

When the area is cleared out, I land to walk over to Petra who is comforting the scout in his dying moments. She makes an effort to stop the bleeding on his stomach, but his injuries are beyond recovery. I get on one knee to inspect him and he coughs up blood. He perks up with teary eyes. "D-Did I make a difference in the world, Captain?"