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HERO

IT'S LIKE I CAN FEEL HER plane take off.

Her absence is everywhere.

I get my shit together for long enough to make Mercy's dinner.

She and Zack spend the entire meal digging for details.

I give nothing.

I sit.

And think.

The sun sinks into the horizon.

I think.

The stars shine over the ocean.

I think.

At some point, it occurs to me that clarity isn't going to walk up and smack me in the forehead.

I move up the stairs.

To Titan's room.

I lie on the bed the way Lucas found him.

It wasn't the shit you see in the movies. He wasn't wearing a perfect, peaceful expression.

His limbs were twisted.

His eyes were open.

His neck was covered in vomit.

Not enough to save him.

Only enough to destroy the idea he'd finally found peace.

It almost makes sense intellectually.

When I squint, I can see it.

How lost he must have been.

How overwhelming everything must have felt.

But there's still so much I'm missing.

So much I can't understand.

I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do here.

I don't know how to fix this.

But I'm not leaving it like this.

I'm not leaving us like this.

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