the last time

part twenty-five

February 1

Aurora

I strap on my heels and then straighten, tugging my dress down as I do. I look at myself in the mirror, content with how I look tonight. The mini black dress flatters the better parts of my body accordingly. Filming for Elle's Diary starts in two days and I couldn't be more anxious. To celebrate, Blake and Ryan decided to throw a huge party. I wasn't sure about going since I don't want to run into Chris but Harry and Laurie insisted.

Harry insisted because he wants me to feel more comfortable here in LA. He said I've been acting weird since arriving. I haven't told him about Chris' confession and I don't think I will. I don't want him to know his suspicions were right. It would complicate things further. Besides, I would have to admit to him that I didn't stop the conversation and instead discovered some strange feelings for Chris.

Laurie insisted on us attending because the cheating rumors are back in play. Since the day Chris and I went out to the farmer's market, the media went crazy with what they saw. Harry was slightly jealous but after I got on my knees to remind him how I felt about him, he calmed down then returned the favor. Of course it's amazing publicity for the movie but not so much for our relationship. While we laid in bed together that night, he asked me with a tremor in his voice if I could just put some space between Chris and I.

January 27 (flashback)

Harry's hands stroke my bare back gently as my head rests on his chest. I trace the tattoos on his hips delicately. I can feel his heart beating steadily but I know he's thinking about the rumors that came out today. Countless articles saying Chris and I are dating and that my whirlwind of a romance with Harry is in my rearview. I saw his reaction when he looked through the pictures and a pang of guilt hit me.

In the pictures, you would think Chris and I are in fact dating. Stolen glances and soft smiles. Then the ones that really get under his skin - the ones where Chris and I sat on the grass. The conversation still fresh in my mind. Prickles of what I felt when I hung out with him return and I try to steer my thoughts in a different direction.

Yet, I can't. My mind has only been thinking about the feelings that flooded me when I was with Chris. I have felt extremely guilty about it all. I talked to Lex about it when Harry was working out earlier today and she was shocked.

"Ro, are you sure that's what you felt?" She asked.

"Yes, Lex." I sigh. "I feel horrible about it. I know I should tell Harry what Chris admitted but I'd have to admit that I wasn't hating the idea of him being attracted to me. I'm so confused."

"Do you love Harry?" She asked, no judgement in her voice.

"Absolutely."

"Do you love Chris?"

"No." I said without hesitation.

"Then all you felt was probably the thrill of your celebrity crush admitting he's attracted to you." She said simply. "Ro, if Oliver Boyd met me and said he was attracted to me in more than just a physical sense, I'd have the same feelings like you. It doesn't mean I don't love Jason. Heaven knows that man is my entire world. It's just...the thrill. You were probably just confusing the two. But the thrill wears, and maybe the next time you see him, it won't feel that way."

I felt so much lighter after that conversation with her. She was right. It's the thrill of Chris admitting he's attracted to me. He's been my celebrity crush since forever and now all of a sudden I'm hanging out with him and working with him. It's just the thrill. It's nothing to what I have with Harry. What he and I have is unique. No one can change that.