bloodsucker | eren jaeger

return to rose

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

chapter 10: return to rose

"are you going to tell your dad?" eren's voice sounded form the kitchen. he was making food; probably for me. i had been here for the past two days. but before that, i hadn't seen eren for a few weeks. or anyone really. not even sasha; i stayed within the confines of my room as i sat in the knowledge of my mom.

as soon as the high wore off; i snapped back to reality. feeling the burden of everything in an instant. there was an empty void in my body the first week, and anger the second. and now, i was throwing myself back into school and friends; trying to ignore the twinge of melancholy that would probably remain a pit in my stomach forever. reopening the wound my mom left when she deserted us was harder than i thought it would be. i guess the first time, i was able to distract myself enough to where i forgot what the pain was like.

but when i could talk to eren again; everything snapped back into place. he set my mind at ease, slightly, allowing me to put the pieces of my mom's murder together. that's really what made the biggest difference.

being around eren was comfortable; just quiet. he was less guarded with his emotions and features, but still confined about everything else. after clearing up questions about my mom; he avoided them like he usually does. "no. i don't know how we would even go about that... there's no body and it's been years." i knew that not telling my dad was a shitty thing to do, but it would keep him healthy.

each of us had our own distractions the first time. i drowned myself in historia's friendship, while my dad chose alcohol. if he knew; it would just bring more pain onto him; something he didn't need. he finally came to terms with her absence and sobered up by the time i left for sina.

eren had come over to my spot on the couch; but kept his distance. he was always doing that. either leaving his apartment, staying in another room, or putting space between us. "we could still figure out a way. say it was blackmail to you.. something like that," his tone barred sympathy as he threw out options.

"without proof like that.. he would never believe it and would just spiral anyway." i knew my decision was a judgment call. one that would keep my dad healthy, but in the dark. "does that make me a bad person?" i said aloud, but it came as a whisper. the guilt of this decision would rest next to the grief.

eren didn't respond right away, "no. you're doing what you think is best." his body leaned closer to me, almost offering physical sympathy. but he stopped himself. "like you did?"

at first, i was angry that he waited so long to tell me. and now, i was in the same position. i'm worse for it, because i'm hiding my mothers death from her own husband and eren kept it from a stranger. it was easy to realize that he couldn't have just waltzed up to me; telling me my mom was killed by vampires. i have an obligation and i'm choosing to ignore it.

his gaze became distant, like he was trapped in his own thoughts; just like i was. "yeah," he sighed out.

"i should visit him. it's been since the start of the semester anyway," i thought out loud again. i always avoided going back home. time always seemed to stand still there; like i had never left. it wasn't a comforting feeling; another reminder that my life at sina is just an illusion. i couldn't imagine how it would be knowing the truth.

eren seemed to sense my unease, "okay. i'll go," his voice dragged, "only if you want me too." the offer took me by surprise. even though he invited me to stay at his apartment, i couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't want to be around me. but if he was willing to come along with me.. i must be overthinking it.

"yeah, that'd be good," the guilt eased, knowing i wouldn't have to lie to my dad's face alone. eren slipped away from his spot on the couch, distancing himself toward the kitchen now that the conversation was over. a frown slipped onto my face. was this even a good idea?