We have a match today against Manchester city and I'm really anxious about it. Not because I think we will loose but because I have a feeling my abusive ex Amy is going to be in the crowd because she is now dating one of the girls from man city. I'm scared I'm going to see her face during the game and it's going to put me off and mess with me. But I'm trying to stay calm and get ready for the match and not think about her.
As I'm sat on the bench in the changing room i zone out and start thinking about Amy again I don't realize until Katie sits next to me and put her hand on my knee to stop it bouncing. I didn't even realize I was doing that. " hey are u alright" she says with a worried look on her face. "Oh yeah sorry haha I just zoned out" I say trying to convince her I'm fine I don't want the team to think I'm not okay to play today so I'm not going to tell anyone Amy's here. "Okay are u sure you're okay" she asks again with her hand still on my knee. " I'm fine katie i promise" I smile at her and put my hand on top of hers. She just smiles and gets up to go back to getting changed.
When we're about to walk out onto the pitch I can feel my hands shaking because I don't want to see her face. Katie's behind me in the line and notices my hands shaking and hold my hand in hers to stop them shaking. I just turn and smile at her giving her hand a squeeze.
During the match I avoid looking into to crowd so I don't see her face because it won't be good for me. I keep feeling Katie's eyes on me and I just smile at her to stop her worrying about me.
After winning the game we go over to the fans and sign some stuff me and Katie are taking a picture with a young girl when I hear a familiar voice say "hey" fuck I know it's her. I look around to see where the voice came from and I see Amy smiling at me. I can feel my heart rate pick up and my breathing get faster. Shit I need to leave right now. I just look at Katie with panicked eyes and start making my way to the tunnel to go back to changing rooms without saying a word. My brain is just flashing with memories of her throwing shit at me after a fight or pushing me against the wall by my throat. Im trying hard to get my breathing back to normal but it's making it worse and I'm hyperventilating. I get into the changing room and thank god no one is in here yet. I sit down on the bench and cry into my shaking hands. I thought I was over what happened but seeing her face just flooded my brain with all of the memories.
Im still crying with my head down and breathing quickly and I hear someone walk into the changing room. I look up to see Katie stood at the door with a worried look. When she sees what a mess I'm in she comes over and kneels down in-front of me and pulls me into a hug. I let the last few tears out and calm my breathing with her help.
When I'm calm she asks me to tell her why I'm so upset. I take a massive breath and begin "my ex is here and let's just say she didn't treat me the best there was a lot of violence in the relationship on her side and seeing her face out there just brought it all back" I say trying not to start crying again. Katie is still in front of me holding my still shaking hands in hers. "Oh babe I'm so sorry that's horrible how could anyone do that to you or to anyone. You should've told me and I would've come back with you so you didn't have to see her" she says rubbing her thumb along the back of my hands "it's okay it's over now she just scares me I think. I say looking down embarrassed "Katie lifts my face by my chin and just smiles at me. I smile back and thank her for being her "I'm always going to be here for you so there's no need to thank me okay? " I just smile at how sweet she is and pull her into me for another hug. Soon the other girls start coming in and we get ready to leave.
